Is it OK to attend the funeral?

6-23-04 | Paradox

[Paradox]

I don't know whom else to ask, except my friends here at FreeRepublic, who usually show an amazing amount of grace on the topic of death (of innocents). Here is my question. My wife and I were at the scene of a traffic accident last weekend. The victim died on the scene while we attempted to give aid (there was nothing anyone could do). We were both extremely saddened (to put it mildly) by this incident, and would like to pay our respect to the victim and his family.

Would it be out of bounds to attend the funeral? We dont know the victim or his family, we would stay at the back of the church, anonymous probably, and just pay our respect that way.

Is that a decent thing to do, or does that just smack of people trying to, you know, "feel your payne" kind of thing.

[JoeSixPack1]

Contact and ask the family directly.

[xrp]

I wouldn't go unless I had been invited. The best thing might be to send flowers and condolences to the family.

[mcg1969]

Flowers and a kind note are probably the most appropriate here.

[kdot]

It's a kind thing to do. You tried to help and the family may find comfort in your presence.

Prayers all the way around.

[eastsider]

Burying the dead is always and everywhere a work of mercy. By all means, attend the funeral.

[thackney]

my 2¢ (and worth even less) is it would be okay, although I would not approach others their to discuss your attendance or reasons.

However, be prepared for someone to ask you if you were a friend or co-worker of the deceased.

[smith288]

If I was a family member, I wouldn't care. I guess that's just me.

[stuartcr]

Was the funeral announced publicly, or in the paper? How could anyone be offended by someone paying their respects? What if you were a friend of the deceased, but no one else knew of you?

[JZoback]

Certainly attending the funeral would be appropriate. Someone in the immediate family may want to know that in their last moments on earth for the family member who died, decent people were around to try and help or comfort them.

I know I would be thankful to meet the people who tried to help.

So many people would have just looked and done nothing.

[LizardQueen]

If I were the family I'd be touched that the first responders were thinking of me. But sending a card would probably be enough. While I wouldn't object to them coming to the funeral I do think that some might find it a little odd.

LQ

[sinkspur]

Go ahead and attend, if you wish. There is no protocol for who may and may not attend a funeral.

The more people in attendance at a service, the more the family realizes how much their loved one was respected.

[TheBattman]

My personal opinion - worth exactly what you paid for it - is that going to the funeral would be fine - I just would keep a fairly low profile.

It would be one thing if you caused or were part of the actual accident, but as a "good Samaritan", you probably would be welcome.

[sinkspur]

I wouldn't go unless I had been invited.

Is it customary where you live for people to be "invited" to funerals. Down here in Texas, if we want to go, we just go.

[End Times Sentinel]

I don't see how your presence could be disturbing or disruptive in any way.  By all means, attend.  You have the right idea.

Owl_Eagle

”Guns Before Butter.”

[Red Badger]

Go, pay your respects, be silent. But if recognised, affirm the fact and be circumspect........

[Tacis]

It would make it much easier for the dem ambulance chasing plantiff's attorney that the family has hired to sue you and your insurance company (especially if are trained to provide emergency care/aid) to deliver papers to you. Are you in a state with a Good Samaritan Law?

[Tanniker Smith]

Go. If it turns out to be a private affair when you get there, then leave. Otherwise, pay your respects as others are doing at the church or the funeral home.

TS

[sarasmom]

Go.
You were with the person at the end, and you need closure also.

[clintonh8r]

If the arrangements are announced in the paper and no mention is made that services are private, I don't think there'd be anything wrong in going. Otherwise, flowers and a card would be OK.