Hmmm...two out of three.
Posted on 05/14/2004 6:56:16 AM PDT by qam1
I worked in many different paid employment positions prior to raising children. No, as a woman I am probably not physically capable of performing as adequate a job as a man in a 110-degree factory. (I suppose it depends on the job. Standing there inspecting a product would work, but palletizing wouldn't).
But I sense the disdain dripping from your post about lazy, good-for-nothing women who stay home with the kids. I would personally prefer the factory work. Then I could say, 'Look at me, I work myself to death in a 110-degree factory while my lazy, good-for-nothing husband chit-chats on the phone'. And I could come home at night and complain that the house isn't clean enough, my dinner isn't right, and the kids are in my way.
No, housework isn't necessarily physically laborious. I've offered to go to work and let my husband take care of the children. (Of course he declined!) (He doesn't do physically laborious work, BTW, he does tech support which is what I used to do). What would *you* rather do, honestly? Work in a factory for 8 hours or stay home taking care of children?
I guess it's just all part of Adam and Eve's curse about the relationships between men and women.
Not without the husband's cooperation.
Hmmm...two out of three.
I am a stay-at-home mom to three kids four-and-under. Please put me on your ping list if you do such a thread :)
We men tend to be idiots. We give up all of our power to women (with a lot of encouragement from mothers, popular culture, and the media), thinking it's just the natural order of things, and then feel lucky just to get (some) sex in return. The root of it is a feeling of scarcity - that if a man doesn't let this one woman have her way with his life, he will never find another.
But that's ludicrous. There is an inexhaustable supply of women. Billions of them. You have all the power - never, ever give it up to a woman, or she will turn into the "neutering" type almost by default, no matter how good her character or pleasant her disposition seems.
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Bingo - she was a suffragette. Our son must have watched that video a hundred times.
Anyway, 'women who do lunch' have been part of the landscape for eons. What's really a pity is to see a young hottie that has all the makings of pulling it off (say with a doctor, lawyer, etc), but who instead parties away their young 20s (gotta sell high) and ends up missing the cut.
NO!
My husband works long hours at Fed Ex. I told him once that when he comes home it's done. He doesn't have packages chasing after him asking questions or calling his name.
Both Mrs. Cut and myself are Gen-Xers. After we married, we both worked, and we both made about the same. She loved her job and the people she worked with; and loved being able to contribute to our household finances. The money enabled us to save, invest, purchase a home, and generally have some fun as "DINKs" (dual income, no kids). When she became pregnant, she had planned on taking the six weeks' leave and going the day care route thereafter. I was worried about that, but she convinced me otherwise; the facility was top-notch (read: expensive) and located in the building she worked in, so I reluctantly agreed. In theory, it was a sound idea.
All that changed about five seconds after Short Cut came into this world ten months ago. We looked at him, so small and helpless and full of need and love, and then at each other. We didn't even speak; we both just KNEW...
She resigned from her job. We cancelled the day care arrangements, and she is now a stay-at-home, fulltime Mom. She has NO regrets and neither do I. We've cut WAY down on expenses and toys, and still we manage to save a bit. Short Cut is a healthy, happy, and loved little boy who always smiles and laughs.
The reality was, we just couldn't bring ourselves to leave him with strangers, for any length of time or reason. I think that we made the right choice.
Just a word of encouragement -- I never liked kids, was never the girl volunteering in the church nursery, and I don't even think I had ever changed a diaper before I had kids. Now, I have four kids, 7 and younger, and I would take a bullet, get hit by a bus, or whatever it takes to take care of them. HOWEVER, just like getting married, having kids was a decision (in the pro-life context, mind you), conscious, deliberate, and we should remember that many things in life worthing doing aren't necessarily easy.
What I am trying to say, is, women in America have so much freedom to make so many choices. So, make the right decision about chosing your husband, and that will give you a lot of support when you contemplate children -- if you have a husband who is a servant-leader of your family, you can forge ahead with confidence. It's a big help.
Also, remember that women in the workforce are also taking on many of the vices that men have picked up from the pressures - smoking, drinking, etc. There are trade-offs.
As a matter of fact, I believe that the effort I put into my children, even on tornado days, will be more worth it than a Bar membership, court case won, issue lobbied, brief written. I'm not picking on those who chose to do those things instead of have kids, I'm just explaining my rationale. Much is required of those to whom much is given, and my kids will indeed have much required of them, based on how much I've chosen to give them. At least I don't have to walk two miles to a well, or drop a baby while planting in the field....there are a lot of things to keep in perspective.
Finally, one more thought on men and their wives. I know a lot of American women who are afraid of suffering the divorce their parents did, and who think they ought to find a "beta-male" who they can push around, as opposed to a meat-eating, alpha, yet are attracted to the latter, yet, they quickly stereotype the alpha (caveman, etc). Look, there are alpha males out there (for lack of a better term), who are honorable, strong leaders, and who also deserve a wife who will be good to them (think, George Bush, Pat Tillman, Mel Gibson, and, sorry gals, my husband is taken), not a bratty, sex-in-the-city, immature self-worshipper. It takes two. I am happy to work myself to the bone for my family, set aside my law degree, and invest where I chose -- at home. And I ain't apologizing to Patricia Ireland or Gloria Steinem (sp?).
I'm a stay at home mother of two boys... one is 18 months, the other is due in August. I was a working professional for ten years before that. I also would be interested in such a thread... would you please let me know if you start one? Thanks!
Thank you for your empathy and advice. It is all very good!
I think it's the loneliness and isolation thing that really gets to me. Getting together with other Moms is fine, but it's not the same as working in a paid employment position with other people. It makes me sad when I realize that no one seems to care as much about my girls as I do. It's something I can't share. Whereas in an employment situation, one is working with others towards making the whole company a success. (I don't know if this makes any sense).
I also wish their grandparents would take more of an interest. But they're another story :-) ('Now that Grandma's Off Her Rocker' -- http://www.funnypoets.com/poems/grandmasoffherrocker.htm (The grandparents came by briefly today to drop off their dog so they could go on a trip. Something seems wrong with this picture :-)
I do have a wonderful husband. The latest job he's taken has been awful, though. It's for a Belgian company. They're just so personable (Not). They could care less about keeping his hours sane. The last month he's been working 15-hour days, and that's when he's not travelling. I guess that's life in the tech field. I count my blessings, of course, as I think of all the mothers with their husbands in Iraq.
Our pastor recently said that depression is often caused when we don't feel that we are living up to our own expectations. Raising children is difficult in that regard, as there are no quotas to meet or exceed and profits aren't tangible. So one never knows if one is doing a "good" job or not.
Well, time to go chit-chat on the phone and file my nails.
A control freak? No way. I'd go insane.
My heart goes out to you! And it doesn't even help much to know that you're doing the right thing, does it? I had a MUCH easier time staying at home when I was with a community of other at home moms( Navy Housing). I don't know where you can find that anymore.
We all know that the important thing is to be busy and connected and get out of the house sometimes. But with two preschoolers, it seems like SUCH a huge effort, that it's easier to just forget it.
I wish I had answers for you. I'm sorry that I don't. But if you lived in Kentucky, I'd come and hang out with you! I know how lonely it can be.
Thanks for your insightful reply. As I said, I'm not opposed to the idea of having children, although I don't think I want to have any the first few years of my marriage. It just seems that unless you're a mom (and even sometimes if you are), people expect you to work outside the home.
I am definitely seeking a religious, conservative alpha male and I have never been attracted to anything else. My mother was a housewife and our family survived just fine on one income.
I enjoyed working when I did it (at the moment I am ill). I liked my career for more than just the paycheck. But I think managing a home and taking care of my husband (and perhaps children) would be much more rewarding for me personally. I'd also like to do volunteer work, like teaching the Bible.
Of course, the man that I marry will be fully aware of this. We won't get married and then I just spring my decision on him.
Oh good grief. Men who don't want that kind of setup can just not marry women who have that expectation .... or they can divorce them if they don't like it. We don't need yet another new class of victim.
I really don't like the truly sexist attitudes coming out of the woodwork on some of these threads....
Lately it's the "mall" comments. Do these guys think running around a mall or wherever during the day w/young kids is just for fun? How about constant upgrades to growing kids' wardrobes? How about groceries, picking up/dropping off kids, and other errands to do? Do they think the woman, since she's called "house-wife" or "stay-at-home" mom, means literally that they don't venture from the home perimeter?
And you all who state things like "don't let down your guard or she'll neuter you" - implying that's exactly the intention of all women. That just sucks. And the other side of the coin in your comments is "*I* *man* need all the 'power'". That ain't so hot, either. So you just want everything your way, huh?
Sorry, but this and other threads I've seen are getting to me w/that anti-woman attitude.
I'd definitely be interested!!!
I agree. I actually out earned my husband when I was in the work force. Had a young child, worked through the pregnancy of my second child. Then, a death in the family and move to TN. And I have been a stay at home mom for a year now. It does feel odd. There are times I feel like I am not "accomplishing" anything. I find ways to make $ painting and ebay and such because we do need that. But one day my daughter 6 before school one day actually told me out of the blue she was glad I was always there. That is when the tide turned in my head.
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