Posted on 04/29/2004 8:08:34 AM PDT by sparkomatic
I'm at work, 50 miles from the home 20. The wife called and said, "Julie [my SIL] just called and there is a ground hog in the tree in her back yard. It may be sick or something."
I said well what do you want me to do about it? I ain't driving 100 miles round trip just to dispatch a ground hog that thinks it's a coon.
She said, "Well I think I can do it, but I need you to tell me how to open the safe. I need you to tell me which gun to use. I need you to tell me how to operate the gun. etc."
I talked her through opening the safe. Got it on the first try.
I contemplated having her use my 12 ga. coach model stoger but, I thought that might hurt her. Afterall, she's kind of scared of guns. I thought it would be best if she used the Ruger 10/22. Only problem is that she's just in the edge of a little town. I explained she'd want to point the gun in such a way as the stray bullets would zing out into the woods rather than into town. No, there's no "no firing guns" ordnance there. When I say small town, I mean it.
So she's digging through the safe trying to determine which gun is the 10/22. "Here's one that's black with brown wood and a camo sling."
No that's my slug gun.
Here's one in a case.
No, that's the coach gun.
Here's one that's black with wood and has carving on it.
No, that's the 270 Winchester.
Oh, here it is. It says Ruger on it. It's kind of little and has a scope on it.
Yep, that's it.
OK, what bullets do I use.
There should be some magazines laying on a shelf with bullets already in them.
Here's some. They are grey.
No, those are for the AR-15. You should see some little black cube shaped magazines with little bullets in them.
Oh, here's some little bitty bullets.
No, those are probably the 22 shorts.
Keith, I don't even know how to load this gun. I better call dad.
No, you can do this. Afterall, you were in the army.
Then it dawned on me. Michael has a Rossi matched pair on the top shelf. Shelley, grab Michaels gun. It's easy to use.
OK. I've got it.
Good. Put it together. Use the .22 barrell, not the .410 barrell. I talked her through assembling the rifle. She actually, began attaching the .410 barrel at first. That probably should have been the best choice, but it's actually got some good kick to it.
Then I talked her through how to use the gun.
She found some ammo that actually said .22LR on the box. Probably my box of CCI's.
She said, "OK, I'm going over there now. Wish me luck."
I had a meeting in the meantime. About an hour later I called back.
She said, "I did it." First shot was just behind the ear. Then I shot him again, that one knocked him out of the tree.
"Then," she says, "John Boy went over and hit him with a spoon to make sure he was dead."
I'm so proud of her.
We like them too. Harmless, as far as I can tell. They eat a lot of the weeds in our backyard. Everyone of them on our property is named 'Wilbur,' I guess because they remind me of Wilbur Mills.
Hell yes they're dangerous! The claws and fangs on those things can cause some serious damage. And then their poison sack...
You're sick.
There are some people who move to the country and then feel the need to kill any wildlife they see trespassing there. Some of them are my friends, but I don't get it either!
Most wildlife I see is kindof a treat. Never get the urge to blast them just for being there. I'd like to see more deer and varmints on the place.
Are you crazy? Birds are almost as dangerous as groundhogs. You better kill that thing quick!
LOL! - I think you pegged it.
Killing just to kill is wrong, but if that thing was tearing up my yard, I would kill it. I have moles on my property and they do a number on the lawn if you don't control them. A number on the lawn drives down the value of the house...so the moles must die.
Thank you for reporting this murderous groundhog. It's concerned and well-armed citizens like you that keep our country free (of rabid rodents).
Please accept our condolences on the murder of your wife. If you would like to join the support group (GKS- Groundhog Killer Survivor) please call 1-800-BadHogs.
Our officers will be around shortly to ask you a few questions. In order to better prepare your answers, I'll give them to you now.
Were all your guns an issue with your wife?
Do you personally know any groundhogs?
If we asked your neighbors, would they swear that they have not see you with groundhogs in the past?
Do you have any ties to the underground groundhog movement?
Have you ever killed a groundhog? If you did, were you convicted? Did you make reparations to its family?
Do you now, or have you in the past, employed illegal groundhogs?
Would you like to apologize to the groundhog community now?
Again, our condolences,
Podunk County Sheriff's Office
Officer Bucky
The funniest thing in the world is to watch groundhogs eat apples. They stand up on their stumpy little hind legs, hold the apple in both paws, and expertly rotate the fruit while chowing down!
We have an old tree that drops loads of wormy apples. They're doing us a favor by consuming the fruit that would just rot and draw bugs otherwise.
Another lazy summer passtime is sitting on our back porch and watching our clueless cats stalk the stolid groundhogs. It's like watching a parody of Wild Kingdom.
They end up in trees when they die?
LOL!!!!!!!!
Stay safe, Slim!!
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