Is Hell endothermic or exothermic

[Coachm]

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls will go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2) If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in sleeping with her, then #2 above cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

[Coachm]

I am posting for no reason other than I thought it would be a good chuckle for readers.

[Imal]

Great Moments in Science bump

[Pete]

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls will go to Hell.

Assuming, of course, there is no such thing as Truth.

[stuartcr]

Whay would actually burn in hell?

[turbocat]

Best "out loud" laugh all day. That's great.

[TheBigB]

The interesting backstory (from snopes.com):

Commonly, the piece begins with a statement meant to authenticate the story. "An actual question given on University of Washington chemistry midterm," "from a Yale professor," and "Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997" have been spotted so far.

Sometimes the student's comments culminate in the assertion that hell must be exothermic because a girl he'd been chasing had sworn it'd be a cold day in hell before she'd sleep with him, and he'd so far been unable to get to first base with her.

Often the story concludes with "The student received the only 'A' given on the exam."

Origins: The piece quoted above likely began as a humor post to the newsgroup rec.humor in 1997. Its roots, however, are far older: an unattributed parody of a scientific proof concluding Heaven was hotter than Hell appeared in a 1972 edition of Applied Optics, a story found in a 1962 book (reprinted from a 1960 magazine) is a mathematical "proof" that heaven is hotter than hell, and article published in a 1979 edition of the Journal of Irreproducible Results written by Dr. Tim Healey (written as a response to the Applied Optics piece) carried the joke one step farther by arguing that Hell was hotter still. Though these older pieces don't directly correlate with what has now become a standardized bit of Internet lore, the themes are similar enough for us to postulate that the older versions sparked the newer ones.

Interestingly enough, the purported student's opening gambit, "We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass," stands in opposition to the position taken centuries ago by the Roman Catholic Church. The Holy See had given its official approval to a particular line of scientific thought, the vacuum, to specificially allow for immaterial forms such as weightless souls and armies of angels in what would otherwise be a filled universe. Without vacuums, places where measurable matter does not exist, both Heaven and Hell and all their denizens would have no place in the cosmic order of things. The time-honored Aristotelian assertion "Nature abhors a vacuum" had to be (and was) elbowed out of the way because the vacuum was a theological necessity.

[stuartcr]

sorry.....what would actually burn in hell?

[Moby Grape]

Question: How hot will Hell be once the Clintons arrive?

[cyborg]

Hehehe... I've read this essay before. It's still funny to read.

[KJacob]

It seems to be irrelevant that he got the only "A" since it was a bonus question and you should have been able to get an "A" without answering the question.
Sorry, but it was just a thought.

[BrooklynGOP]

not hot enough? :P

[new cruelty]

That is funny. Thanks for the laugh.

[MHGinTN]

THANK YOU! I needed that ... and thanks to a truly brilliant student mind. One thing though, Hell is not expanding as souls are added (not yet created, according to Christian doctrine), but when it is created, the conditions will be intolerable for one main reason, that Hell will not be expanded to accomodate more souls, so the concentration of bad souls will increase without 'all Hell breaking loose' ... there is no escape from Hell's clutches. As for the female student's comment ... I learned in college, very early on, not to tempt exothermic potentials, that females with endothermic potentials were the better companions.

[Calvin Locke]

Great Moments in Science bump

Well, my Great Moments in Literature recollection, Dante's levels eventually goes through burning and finally had Satan, frozen, upside-down.

But the essay neglects to theorize what happens when the number of souls reaches mass enough to create a point of singularity.

Would Hell still exist as a place for punishment?

[jtminton]

I went to the University of Washington and never had this question on any Chem mid terms :). However, I do have a good Chem story:

During finals week I went to a friend's dad's house in Port Angeles (across the sound on the penninsula). I should have been studying, but oh well. Anyway, we were on the way back for me to take the final on the day OF the final. You have to take a ferry to get across, but it was very windy that day, and the Hood Canal bridge was closed. We had to go back north and take two different ferrys to get back. I knew I was going to be at least an hour late to the final and we got an idea. We figured that since a ship's Captain can marry people, he should also have some sway in getting me extra time on my Chem final. So after talking to a number of crew members, we finally got to talk to the Captain and convinced him to write me a note. It was great. The best part was, my prof thought it was so funny he let me have extra time.

[Moby Grape]

Will Hillary try to bump Satan from the top job in Hell?

[TheBigB]

I've got a pretty good one...my Poli Sci midterm was scheduled on the morning of the day after my Advanced Biochem midterm. I had an A in the PS class, so I wasn't too worried about it. I decided I'd just go back over the book material briefly when I got in from the Biochem test. I was also battling a cold. When I got in from the biochem test in the afternoon, I decided to take a short nap. Next thing I know, it's 9am the next morning. The PS midterm started at 8. I throw on clothes (I think), sprint across the quad, and get to the PS classroom...empty. Everyone had already finished and left. I go to the TAs office, and her stuff is still there, but she's not. In a blind panic, I roam all over campus searching for her, but nothing. In a funk, I went back outside the PS room and sat on a bench, wondering what to do. She comes in at the end of the hall...I run up to her and she starts laughing, asking, "what happened?" I blurt out some babble, and she tells me to calm down, go and read, and tell her when I'm ready to take it. I still got an A. :)

[raybbr]

Though this might tickle you.

[LiteKeeper]

bump

[flashbunny]

Originally a humorous story / joke posted to the rec.humor newsgroup:

http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp