Posted on 04/23/2004 3:47:15 AM PDT by pookie18
Washington, DC - Teresa Heinz-Kerry, wife of Democrat presidential frontrunner Senator John Kerry and the widow of the late Senator John Heinz, has lost her estimated $600 million fortune due to speculation in commodities futures, according to a report to be published tomorrow in The Wall Street Journal. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist and Minority Leader Tom Daschle have issued a joint communiqué in which they state that Ms. Heinz-Kerry will no longer be afforded sleeping privileges with senators from either party.
Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, however, stated during a press conference this morning that Ms. Heinz-Kerry is free to fool around with members of the House of Representatives if she first makes a deposit with the Department of the Treasury.
Senator Kerry told reporters covering his campaign that, while it is regrettable about the $600 million loss, he took a vow to stand by his wife “for richer or poorer” and intends to do so. The Senator also announced that for the next several weeks he will be campaigning exclusively in Las Vegas.
It's satire.
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