Hello America. I am John F'n Kerry. I am a complete, flip-flopping, American hating, Anti-American, Socialist loving, Communist loving, scum sucking pig of a leftist liberal who worships at the bowels of Fat Teddy Kennedy. I am worthless, humorless, ugly, a lying blowhard loudmouth gigolo who married a rich widow because I was nearly bankrupt. I tell you I will screw up everything I touch. I love the UN. I love Koffie. I love Saddam. I loved and worshiped Stalin, Hitler and ToJo. I think Lenin was a super-hero and I wish I could be just like him. I am a communist, a leftist to the third-degree. I hate religion, the military, Christians, Americans, and love the french, germans and russians. Please elect me your president, excuse me, head commissar. I will bring total ruin, despair and famine to the entire USA.
There, now you know me.