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Posted on 03/16/2004 3:25:43 AM PST by LaDivaLoca
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An' a Happy Paddy's Eve to all!
"This is PADDY down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, PADDY," SADDAM replied, "this is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said PADDY, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"
SADDAM paused. "I must tell you, PADDY, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", said PADDY "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, PADDY called again.
"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, PADDY?" SADDAM asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
SADDAM sighed. "I must tell you, PADDY, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" said PADDY. "I'll have to get back to you."
Once again, PADDY rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
SADDAM was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, PADDY, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said PADDY, "I'll have to ring you back. "
Sure enough, PADDY called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said SADDAM. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said PADDY, "we've all had a long chat over a few pints, and decided "there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
God Bless the Irish!
My favorite dancing partner!!
Just for you. And you know why.
Stop and pop: As Paul Moriarty takes a knee to ask his colleen, Carrie Wilson, to marry him during the New Haven (Conn.) St. Patrick's Day Parade, Wilson turns a shade of Killian's Irish Red.
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In 1428 a 16 year old peasant girl named Jehanne la Pucelle convinced the Dauphin of France to put her in charge of his army by promising to reclaim Orleans from the English and have him crowned at Riems. In May 1429 she led the army in the battle that returned Orleans to the French and two months later watched the Dauphin crowned Charles VII of France in the Cathedral of Reims. In May 1430 the girl who became known to the world as Joan of Arc was captured by the Burgundians during her attack on Compiegne and sold to the English. She was charged in an ecclesiastical court with heresy, blasphemy, idolatry, and sorcery. In May 1431 she was burned at the stake in the market place of Rouen as a relapsed heretic. Her relapse consisted of donning the men's clothing she had worn throughout her career and which she had earlier agreed to abandon in order to save herself from the stake.
There are accounts, verified by multiple official sources, of more than 20 women who dressed as men and served in the British Royal Navy or Marines from the late 17th to the early 19th centuries. In 1690 Anne Chamberlyne joined her brother's ship and fought in the battle against the French off Beachy Head. A tablet to her memory was placed in the wall of the Chelsea Old Church, London, along with other Chamberlyne family memorials. The English translation of the original Latin read, "In an adjoining vault lies Anne, the only daughter of Edward Chamberlyne, Doctor of Laws, born in London, the 20th January 1667, who having long declined marriage and aspiring to great achievements unusual to her sex and age, on the 30th June 1690, on board a fireship in man's clothing, as a second Pallas, chaste and fearless fought valiantly six hours against the French ...".
John Nichols, a seaman aboard the HMS Goliath wrote of the women aboard during the Battle of the Nile on Aug. 1, 1798, "There were some of the women wounded, and one woman belonging to Leith died of her wounds and was buried on a small island in the bay. One woman bore a son in the heat of the action; she belonged to Edinburgh." The names of four of the women aboard the Goliath during the battle were listed in the ship's muster book which stated they were "victualed at two-thirds allowance in consideration of their assistance in dressing and attending on the wounded, being widows of men slain in the fight with the enemy on the first day of August."
In 1847 the British government decided that Queen Victoria would award a Naval General Service Medal to all living survivors of the major battles fought between 1793 and 1840. Mary Ann Riley and Ann Hopping, who had been aboard the Goliath during the Battle of the Nile, and Jane Townshend, who was aboard the Defiance at Trafalgar in 1805, applied and were originally approved by the Admirals reviewing the claims. They were later refused the medal on the basis that, "There were many women in the fleet equally useful, and it will leave the Army exposed to innumerable applications of the same nature." [Italics in original]. More than 20,000 men received the medal including at least one who was an infant at the time the ship he was on engaged in battle.
