Man gets jail time for faking drug test (using concealed prosthetic,um,"appendage")

Scranton Times-Tribune ^ | 3/12/2004 | Andrew M. Seder

[Born Conservative]

HONESDALE A Honesdale man will serve three to eleven months in Wayne County Prison after he pleaded guilty Thursday to three charges including using a concealed prosthetic penis to provide a urine sample for a drug test.

Marshall R. Francis, 22, of 619 Church St., was reporting to a mandated drug test with his probation officer on Nov. 14 to fulfill the requirements of a previous drug arrest.

The probation officer became suspicious while listening to the awkward sound the purported urine made when entering the cup. While holding the cup, the probation officer noticed the temperature was different that most normal samples.

A search of Mr. Francis found a prosthetic penis that is used to hold urine and disperse it.

Mr. Francis admitted to using the device and said the urine sample was a result of a powder mix that came with the device.

Judge Robert J. Conway sentenced Mr. Francis to jail time, anger-management class and community service.

[Born Conservative]

PPP (Prosthetic Penis Ping)

[2banana]

If Howard Stern goes off the air, how will we ever get an in depth analysis of news topics like this...

[BrooklynGOP]

My friend faked a test. Got somebody else to pee in a plasic bag for him and kept it under his arm pit to keep the temperature right.

[GSWarrior]

I've heard drinking a cup of Fruit Fresh will do the trick.

[glock rocks]

sentenced Mr. Francis to jail time, anger-management class

anger management? um...

[PBRSTREETGANG]

When purchaasing a prosthetic penis for urinalysis purposes it's apparently important to "go the extra yard" and buy one with a pump and heating element.

[Reeses]

If someone injects illegal drugs, how much of a leap is it for them to inject urine into their bladder to pass their probation test?

[Kakaze]

LOL I believe the product is called the Wizzinator.

[nobody_knows]

".....using a concealed prosthetic penis"

We need to push for legislation allowing CPP. This is series. And Hugh!

[martin_fierro]

[gov_bean_ counter]

For an extra $9.99 you can get the model that has an internal heater.

[csvset]

"Is that a Prosthetic Penis in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"

[alnick]

Or that could be PPPPPP ping. (Prosthetic penis produced phony pee pee.)

Sorry. I couldn't resist.

[Born Conservative]

If someone injects illegal drugs, how much of a leap is it for them to inject urine into their bladder to pass their probation test?

I wouldn't doubt it's been tried, but I don't think it would work. The kidneys are constantly draining urine into the bladder in a steady stream. The purpose of the bladder is a "holding area" for the urine, and when it fills, well, you know what happens. So, if the person was doing drugs, injecting "clean" urine into the bladder even right before the test would not produce a negative drug screen.

[Slings and Arrows]

Didn't King Missile write a song about this?

[No Blue States]

"The probation officer became suspicious while listening to the awkward sound the purported urine made when entering the cup. While holding the cup, the probation officer noticed the temperature was different that most normal samples."

My job isnt so bad afterall.

[far sider]

When prosthetic penises are outlawed only outlaws will have prosthetic penises.

[Blood of Tyrants]

Or at least keeping the darned thing WARM.

[11th Earl of Mar]

Judge Robert J. Conway sentenced Mr. Francis to jail time, anger-management class and community service.

What kind of community service can a prosthetic-penis wielding, anger-management patient offer to the public?