The Passion of the Christ: Blooper Reel

The Morning News ^ | March 2, 2004 | Paul Ford

[CJ Wolf]

(Translated from Aramaic and Latin)

Pontius Pilate (Hristo Shopov) stands with the scourged and thorn-crowned Jesus (James Caviezel) before a throng of Jews, all of whom shout for Christ's crucifixion. Pilate has a bowl of water brought to him so he can wash his hands' of Christ's condemnation.

Assorted Jews: Crucify him!

Pontius Pilate: I am innocent of the blood of this just; [knocks over bowl of water, which spills down steps] oh, [bleep].

Jesus Christ: [smiling] Good one, Hristo.

Pilate: Nice crown, Jim.

Assorted Jews: [laughter]

Off Camera: Cut!


* * *

Christ, shackled to a stone, is being scourged by Roman soldiers. Blood runs down his gory back. His pain is palpable.

Jesus: [writhes in pain, hands shaking]

[Cell phone rings.]

Jesus: [hands shake furiously]

[Cell phone rings. Caviezel looks up, sheepish.]

Roman soldier: Jim? That you?

Jesus: Yeah.

[Cell phone rings.]

Soldier: Want me to get it?

Jesus: Yeah.

[Roman soldier gingerly reaches into Caviezel's blood-soaked loincloth, pulls out phone and opens it, then holds the phone to Caviezel's ear.]

Off Camera: [laughter]

Jesus: Hey, Mom.


* * *

The Last Supper. Jesus is in the upper room with his disciples. Judas (Luca Lionello) is seated nearby.

Jesus: If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world ah, Christ.

Judas: Hateth you.

Jesus: Who's on first, right?

Judas: [laughs]

Jesus: [rolls eyes at camera] John could write gospel, but, you know, could he write dialogue?

Off Camera: [laughter] Cut!


* * *

Jesus carries a heavy wooden cross through Jerusalem, assisted by Simon (Jarreth Merz).

Jesus: Wait a second. [puts down cross]

Off Camera: What is it?

Jesus: [wipes right eye] There's something in my eye.

Simon: Oh my God, it's a mote.

Off Camera: [laughter]


* * *

Jesus hangs on the cross, bloodied, in agony.

Take 3

Jesus: My God, my God, why hast thou; [laughing]

Off Camera: [laughter] Forsaken!


Take 4

Jesus: Thanks! Okay. My God, my God, why hast thou[starts giggling]

Off Camera: [laughter]


Take 10

Jesus: I got it. I got it. Hold on. My God, my God, why hast thou argh! [takes breath] Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Sabachthani, sabachthani, sabachthani. Okay.


Take 12

Jesus: Hey! I can see my house from here.


Take 14

Jesus: My God! Why have you...

[Caviezel is struck by lightning.]

Off Camera: Cut!


Take 35

Off Camera: Come on, Jim.

Jesus: [in terrible anguish] My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

Off Camera: [Applause]

Off Camera: We got it!




Paul Ford lives in Brooklyn. He writes Ftrain.

[Bluntpoint]

Humor is a gift from God. Churlishness a curse from the Devil.

[Luis Gonzalez]

"Don't confuse the movie with the bible. Don't confuse the actor for Jesus."

Too late for that.

[Theo]

Humor is a gift from God

Yes. Just as any gift can be perverted, this gift can be perverted (e.g., standup comedians mocking God and His laws).

That said, these outtakes don't seem "bad," in that they are characterized by a humble response to human failings.

[thackney]

'Course this is just a "movie" in the same sense that the Bible is just a "book."

NO, that analogy puts the word of God as contained in the bible on the same level as Mel Gibson’s interpretation of the story. THIS MOVIE IS NOT SCRIPTURE, it is about Scripture. Do not confuse the word of man with the Word of God.

[Andonius_99]

don't forget the parting of the sea part either..."You sonofabitchyabastard...dey don't let you live!"

[Kaslin]

This is disgusting

[Hon]

Are people really so dense as to think these are really out takes and that there exists a blooper reel and that this "comedy writer" for a freebie newspaper has seen it?

Yes to all three. Frightening, isn't it?

++++

I was even wrong about this (unfunny) clown writing for a freebie. He is a blogger. But this article does tell us a lot about the DMN, that they would even pick up something from a blogger that is this weak to run.

And it does tell you something about some of the critical thinking that goes on here. Sadly.

[stuartcr]

Because so many want it to take on a life of it's own.

[Theo]

'Course this is just a "movie" in the same sense that the Bible is just a "book."

Nope. While it is fine to humbly and humorously acknowledge the failings of the people involved in this movie, there are no failings in Scripture to acknowledge.

Therefore it is not right to humiliate that sacred text.

[LS]

Interesting that the FIRST THING Jesus did in His public ministry was . . . go to a party with his mother!

[stuartcr]

Probably would have been if Charlton Heston had done it while FILMING the MOVIE.

[Blood of Tyrants]

Jesus knew all the best party jokes.

[alnick]

Was he struck by lightning before or after he made the comments " I can see my house from here."

LOL. "I can see my house from here." THWACK!!

[Bluntpoint]

Jesus and his crew occasionally lurk her.

[Bluntpoint]

"This is the day the Lord has made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!" Psalm 118:24

Jesus: "There was a Priest, a Rabbi and a pig skinner......"

[thackney]

We should live our lives remembering the Jesus "lurks" EVERYWHERE.

[mass55th]

"Lets you remember they were just making a movie. "

Exactly. Levity is an important part during such hard, physical work. It lets off steam, anxiety and stress. You can't be tense and super serious during long days of shooting. Even Christ had a sense of humor I'm sure.

[Charles Martel]

I thought History of the World part One was funny...Moses: God has given us these 15(drops a tablet)...10 commandments...

Don't forget the Last Supper scene...

"Judas!! Would you like a beverage?"

[G L Tirebiter]

Would you think a similar treatment of "Schindlers List" funny?

Yes. Next question.

Check out this week's edition of The Onion. The lead story is, "Jesus Demands Creative Control Over Next Movie ".

[commish]

This is most likely made up, but the author has apparently been watching and reading a lot of the interviews.

In one of the pre-release interviews ("The Making of" special I think) They did talk about someone's cell phone ringing during the scourging.

I have also heard Caviezel use the "I can see my house from here" line in one of his interviews.

In the Making of special, they showed Mel Gibson in a Clown NOse directing some scenes, and Caviezel in his Rush interview said that when the Guard accidentally hit him with the whip he did say "oh Shiite", and the second time he hurled a couple well used 4 letter words at the guy. He said that Mel put on his "BONZO" nose and started clowning around the set.

It is also well known that after he was struck by lighting on the cross, Jim looked up and said "Didn't like that take eh?"

So, whether or not this is made up is moot to the overall discussions. These guys did clown around and joke on the set. I am sure they flubbed thier lines and played jokes on each other too.

And i, for one, would love to see the real blooper reel for this movie - and I do hope Mel puts it on the DVD.