The Passion of the Christ: Blooper Reel

The Morning News ^ | March 2, 2004 | Paul Ford

[CJ Wolf]

(Translated from Aramaic and Latin)

Pontius Pilate (Hristo Shopov) stands with the scourged and thorn-crowned Jesus (James Caviezel) before a throng of Jews, all of whom shout for Christ's crucifixion. Pilate has a bowl of water brought to him so he can wash his hands' of Christ's condemnation.

Assorted Jews: Crucify him!

Pontius Pilate: I am innocent of the blood of this just; [knocks over bowl of water, which spills down steps] oh, [bleep].

Jesus Christ: [smiling] Good one, Hristo.

Pilate: Nice crown, Jim.

Assorted Jews: [laughter]

Off Camera: Cut!


* * *

Christ, shackled to a stone, is being scourged by Roman soldiers. Blood runs down his gory back. His pain is palpable.

Jesus: [writhes in pain, hands shaking]

[Cell phone rings.]

Jesus: [hands shake furiously]

[Cell phone rings. Caviezel looks up, sheepish.]

Roman soldier: Jim? That you?

Jesus: Yeah.

[Cell phone rings.]

Soldier: Want me to get it?

Jesus: Yeah.

[Roman soldier gingerly reaches into Caviezel's blood-soaked loincloth, pulls out phone and opens it, then holds the phone to Caviezel's ear.]

Off Camera: [laughter]

Jesus: Hey, Mom.


* * *

The Last Supper. Jesus is in the upper room with his disciples. Judas (Luca Lionello) is seated nearby.

Jesus: If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world ah, Christ.

Judas: Hateth you.

Jesus: Who's on first, right?

Judas: [laughs]

Jesus: [rolls eyes at camera] John could write gospel, but, you know, could he write dialogue?

Off Camera: [laughter] Cut!


* * *

Jesus carries a heavy wooden cross through Jerusalem, assisted by Simon (Jarreth Merz).

Jesus: Wait a second. [puts down cross]

Off Camera: What is it?

Jesus: [wipes right eye] There's something in my eye.

Simon: Oh my God, it's a mote.

Off Camera: [laughter]


* * *

Jesus hangs on the cross, bloodied, in agony.

Take 3

Jesus: My God, my God, why hast thou; [laughing]

Off Camera: [laughter] Forsaken!


Take 4

Jesus: Thanks! Okay. My God, my God, why hast thou[starts giggling]

Off Camera: [laughter]


Take 10

Jesus: I got it. I got it. Hold on. My God, my God, why hast thou argh! [takes breath] Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Sabachthani, sabachthani, sabachthani. Okay.


Take 12

Jesus: Hey! I can see my house from here.


Take 14

Jesus: My God! Why have you...

[Caviezel is struck by lightning.]

Off Camera: Cut!


Take 35

Off Camera: Come on, Jim.

Jesus: [in terrible anguish] My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

Off Camera: [Applause]

Off Camera: We got it!




Paul Ford lives in Brooklyn. He writes Ftrain.

[hellinahandcart]

Yes. The more serious a movie scene, the funnier it is when something goofs up.

Have to agree. That was true all through my amateur-theatre experience.

[Ichneumon]

Come on, an actor has a cell phone in his costume during filming??

You haven't been around many actors, have you?

Plus, they spend 99% of their time "in costume" sitting around killing time waiting for a few seconds of scene to be shot. Of *course* they'd keep their cell phone in their costume. Where else would they keep it?

[AmishDude]

No offense, but do read all of the posts???

Not after I post the first time, usually. I am just replying to people who post to me directly. I won't wade through the preceding posts. I've moved on and somebody replies to me. I kinda assume that people who post to me have already done so.

[AmishDude]

Where else would they keep it?

Makeup table, with the costumer, off-screen. You don't want to run the risk of ruining continuity because of the flash of a cell phone on screen.

[Positive]

"All movies have blooper reels."

I watched the movie intently. The actors were speaking the words of the audio...meaning for example, Jim never spoke the word "Father" in english in the film. His lips said whatever the Aramaic word for "Father" was.

IOWs; Any scene that had actors speaking english were not by definiton "bloopers". So I doubt the authenticity of this post.

[Ichneumon]

It wouldn't have been printed except for the film it is trying to spoof being a target for some.

Then you clearly haven't noticed the similar treatments of just about any other popular film.

Not every response to this movie is an attack, and I'm sorry you think that they must be.

[Ichneumon]

Can you imagine something like this being circulated about Mohammad, the Islams guy? I can't.

Neither can I, because they're humorless, rabidly intolerant religious fanatics who are incapable of allowing even a moment's levity concerning the object of their beliefs.

It's not funny. It's disrespectful.

No comment.

[sharktrager]

I may be cruel, but the idea of Michalangelo dropping paint on anyone is funny.

[hellinahandcart]

It happened in "The Agony and the Ecstasy", and it was funny.

[giotto]

But if a guy made it up, it's less so.

Do you honestly think Gibson would allow blooper tapes to be released? I was on to this when I read the title, and reading the article only confirmed that it was the product of a cynical mind.

[Ichneumon]

[Lets you remember they were just making a movie. First, evil pretends that a good thing will be or is of no consequence - unworthy of notice.]

Then, evil lies about the good thing in an attempt to destroy it and lead people away from it. Evil will call good evil and evil good. After that, evil mocks the good thing - derides it. Makes it a joke, trivial, funny. We're all just seeing evil at work. Evil has unmasked itself very often lately. I wonder why...

Church Lady, is that you?

"Could it be.... SATAN??????????"

Evil. Evil, evil, evil.

More seriously, not every view that differs from yours is "evil", or an active attempt to corrupt people or turn them "to the dark side". And mentioning "evil" seven times in a very short post makes it appear that perhaps you dwell on it more than one should.

[Ichneumon]

Just another attack.

Why would it be an "attack"?

[k2blader]

Cool! Ford sounds like a stand-up kind of guy.

[Hon]

"Not every response to this movie is an attack, and I'm sorry you think that they must be."

I didn't say any such thing. In fact, all I did was point out that this asinine piece was clearly a pathetic attempt at humor that too many people took at face value.

This has been my first and only comment about this movie, about which I have no strong feelings one way or the other, and probably won't bother to go see.

You should save your "un-holier than thou" speechs for someone else.

[Eaker]

Yeah he really does.

Kinda strange people still arguing the real / fake issue after it has been cleared up earlier on the thread??!!??

;<)

[Spiff]

Church Lady...

Yes, belittle the righteous or those who attempt to pattern their lives in such a manner. Mock them. More seriously, not every view that differs from yours is "evil", or an active attempt to corrupt people or turn them "to the dark side". And mentioning "evil" seven times in a very short post makes it appear that perhaps you dwell on it more than one should.

I don't dwell on it. However, it is becoming so obvious lately that it is hard not to notice it. Please mock me some more for mentioning it.

[Ichneumon]

["Not every response to this movie is an attack, and I'm sorry you think that they must be."]

I didn't say any such thing. In fact, all I did was point out that this asinine piece was clearly a pathetic attempt at humor that too many people took at face value.

That's not quite what you said. You said, "It wouldn't have been printed except for the film it is trying to spoof being a target for some. ".

You were specifically saying that "it wouldn't have been printed" were it not for the fact that the film was "a target".

If my reading of that as "this was printed in order to target the film", i.e. attack it, was somehow mistaken, please clarify what you did mean by it. But I fail to see how it could merely mean, "the piece was an attempt at humor that some people mistook for nonfiction."

You should save your "un-holier than thou" speechs for someone else.

Ooookay.

[Alouette]

I think what people are offended by the notion of a "gag reel" for a serious drama like this one is. Usually they are only included with comedies, but the DVD's for the historical dramas "Affair of the Necklace" and "The Missing" both contained gag reels.

What a "gag reel" does, is break the suspension of disbelief. It takes you out of the illusion created by the film and pulls you back into reality. It creates the unpleasant sensation for believers that their "faith" is not "real" because they have been abreuptly jerked out of the continuity of the drama.

J.R.R. Tolkien wrote an excellent essay about the suspension of disbelief and how to maintain it in writing fantasy. I'm sorry Peter Jackson did not include a gag reel in the extended cut of LOTR.

[Ichneumon]

Yes, belittle the righteous or those who attempt to pattern their lives in such a manner. Mock them.

Oh, lighten up.

I never "belittle or mock" people merely for trying to be "righteous". I do, however, sometimes point out when people are edging towards looking like a parody of the real thing. And seeing "evil -- evil, evil, evil, did I mention evil?" in a lighthearted bit of comedy is not only a gross misapplication of the true meaning of "evil", it's like the Church Lady character that sees "SATAN!!!" behind every little thing she personally disapproves of.

I don't dwell on it.

That's not how it looks from here. There's an old saying, "those who see 'filth' everywhere they look have dirtier minds than those they accuse". There comes a point where people see something because they look for it too hard, not because it's as common as they "find" it. It's like the joke about the woman who called the police about a man walking past her house who was "whistling dirty songs".

However, it is becoming so obvious lately that it is hard not to notice it.

See above. Also see this additional joke:

A psychiatrist is examining a patient, and shows him a picture of a black square on a white background. He asks, "Mr. Jones, what's the first thing that comes to your mind when you see this?" "Sex", the patient replies. The psychiatrist makes a few notes, then shows the patient a picture of a triangle. "And what does this make you think of?" "Sex", the patient again replies. "I see", says the psychiatrist, who again makes a notation in his notebook. He then presents a picture of a circle, and shows it to the patient. "And this reminds you of what?" "Sex", the man says. The psychiatrist takes of his glasses, polishes them for a moment, and then says "Mr. Jones, it appears that you have a preoccupation with sex." Jones replies indignantly, "Me!?! You're the one showing all the dirty pictures!"

While it's true that there are many things not right with the world, not all of them are manifestations of "EVIL!!"

Please mock me some more for mentioning it.

I do not mock you for "mentioning it".

[Eaker]

Please see that author's explaination in post# 151.