I did not get to this point by virtue of charm, wit, and unique ability
Posted on 02/04/2004 11:58:42 AM PST by Sub-Driver
John Kerry Promises Executive Order Outlawing Personalities; Aspiring First Lady to Speak With Accent 2/4/2004 - Dirk McQuickly
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CONCORD – Presidential candidate John Kerry continues to ride a crest of popularity following a stunning victory in the New Hampshire primary. With the seven U.S. states primaries and caucuses just ahead, Kerry is attempting to energize his base by boldly promising to sign an executive order banning personalities.
“I did not get to this point by virtue of charm, wit, and unique ability,” stated Senator Kerry. “My story is monotone. Comatose. Beige. Mundane. And limp... It’s time to make charisma a thing of the past.”
Crowds looked somewhat pleased as Kerry campaigners tossed slices of white bread at Democrats across New Hampshire, chanting slogans like “Bland Across the Land”, and “Color Me Gray, JFK”. So far, polling data indicates the strategy has struck a chord with undecided voters.
“I really don’t know who to vote for,” said interior designer Melissa Dawson, 38. “I guess I could pick between Kerry… and (Howard) Dean… and Joe Lieberstein (sic)… Dick Clark (sic). I just don’t know who I should vote for.”
“I like the way he stands up for the blithering, uninteresting dolt,” said customer service agent Edmund Patterson, 29. “We need leaders who recognize the pitfalls of being dynamic and stimulating. He’s a leader we can casually glance at.”
Other registered Democrats were less glowing about the prospects of John Kerry at the top of the Democratic ticket in 2004.
“I wish he’d slow down,” said Magnolia Prentiss, 72. “He stands up, he sits down, he shakes someone’s hand, he sits down again, he starts talking about voting – he’s going to have a heart attack. Wasn’t Gore available?”
“The Democratic Party is like a big tent,” said Kerry at a recent rally. “It’s like an off-white tent with stakes and tables set up for all people of this country to sit down to a hot cup of tea and maybe a game of checkers or Boggle – and it doesn’t matter who wins as long as we can agree who puts the board away when we’re done, if you’ll pardon the expression.”
First Lady in waiting Theresa Heinz-Kerry, who prefers a low key presence to husband John’s detectible pulse, has indicated a desire to promote the use of indescribable accents in schools and government facilities as a means of “uniting these wonderful people -- Americans and Liberals alike.”
Noted historian Doris Kearns Goodwin calls Theresa Heinz-Kerry “a searchlight for ambition”, and believes that “the heir to ketchup giant Heinz 57 is more than a hyphenated name”.
Sounds like she's admitting that Liberals are not Americans. And, I agree with her. Libs in this country can go live in France, or some other third world country.
Guess she doesn't consider Liberals as being Americans. Easy to come to that conclusion sometimes!!
It does closely resemble reality, though, doesn't it?
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