Toiletbowl XXXVIII

American Spectator ^ | 02/02/04 | Reid Collins

[Pokey78]

Now, what do all those folks who watch the Super Bowl for the commercials have to say? Wasn't it fun? Especially if the kids were allowed to stay up and watch at least the first half of the game, 'cause that's where the really filthy ones were slotted.

The beer ad with the two dogs was especially cute. A trained dog fetches his master a Bud from the cooler. Beer in hand, the master asks the other fellow what his dog can do. The other fellow's dog obviously bites the first man in the crotch, causing him to toss the beer to the other fellow.

There is the large, jolly African-American man going down a hallway to get a massage, but is lured into a side room full of beer. We see him agonized and screaming in pain as the door closes informing us that he has wandered into the "bikini wax " room by mistake.

They aren't all beer ads, these classics for which we have waited all year. One is a car ad featuring juveniles with bars of soap lodged in their mouths. How this comes about is revealed when a little boy views one of the new cars, mouths the words, "Holy sh--" and is next seen with a bar of soap in his mouth.

There is a chimpanzee, a young man's pet, who puts an arm around the man's girlfriend when the swain has gone for the beer. The primate speaks and suggests they go upstairs, obviously for sex. The swain returns briefly, causing the chimp to withdraw an arm. But the conversation resumes when the swain leaves, the chimp wondering if the intended sex partner has anything against a hairy back.

It isn't all sex. Some is simple scatology. A beautiful wintery scene in the forest. A man and a woman are seated together in a horse-drawn sleigh. The man romantically produces a crystal ball with a lighted candle, then leans to produce some beers from a cooler. At this moment, the gray horse drawing the sleigh lifts its tail high over its back and breaks wind in the woman's face with such force that it blows out the candle and destroys her makeup and hairdo.

The commercial aficionados may have sought relief in a live halftime show featuring P. Diddy and others in a writhing dance accompanied by lyrics that could not be understood in the Western Hemisphere, a combination of rap and rapacity that climaxed when Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake performed a series of gyrations redolent of the chimp commercial and climaxing with Miss Jackson's right breast apparently exposed.

For reasons known only to CBS and the time buyers, the commercials during most of the second half were reasonably tame. There were some appeals to responsibility when drinking, a couple of expensive car ads, some inoffensives for AOL, but no further plays on bestiality, flatulence or painful depilatory episodes. Too bad, for by now the kiddies were in bed. The rectitude of the network had spared them and their elders the pain of watching a commercial with political overtones, the CBS practices regime rejecting such a crass offering.

It is said that the New England Patriots won the game with the Carolina Panthers in the last minute or so, but not by the point spread. Speaking of "spread," did you hear the one about... Sorry. Too much television, I guess.


Reid Collins is a former CBS and CNN news correspondent.

[KC_Conspirator]

One is a car ad featuring juveniles with bars of soap lodged in their mouths. How this comes about is revealed when a little boy views one of the new cars, mouths the words, "Holy sh--" and is next seen with a bar of soap in his mouth.

This was one of the worst commercials of the night. Who works at ad agencies now? You could not get worse, low-brow thinking from drunken frat boys, and believe me, I've been a drunken frat boy. I kept on watching these horrid, insulting ads, and thought that this has to be the worst series of ads I have ever seen on Superbowl Sunday.

[mercy]

Well I'm shocked. Shocked I tell ya. To find suddenly after all these years that what I thought just might be the most fantastic rack amoungst the entire panoply of showgirls .... was simply the result of an extreme pushup bra. What a rip off. I'm tellin ya that hooter was just average. Pedestrian even.

Just damn.

[GATOR NAVY]

I didn't see any of the commercials. Armed Forces Network doesn't show them.

[Howlin]

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1069581/posts

[moonhawk]

A water balloon and a faucet?

Call me unhip, buy I don't get it..(can't read the tags,BTW.)

As for the commercials, I liked the Donkey that wanted to be a Clydesdale.

And who are the Tuttle family?

[Howlin]

ROFLMAO!

[MHGinTN]

Homosexuals and liberals ... CBS stands for something far different that what it started as ... it's filth to the rafters, and liberal bilge. Turn the darn eyegate polluter off of the alphabet networks and onto the History Channel or the home decorating channels.

[fso301]

He failed to mention that commercial for the TV show with Charlie Sheen in which a woman wearing just a shirt went to look out a kitchen window and in so doing exposed her bare bottom.

[KC_Conspirator]

I normally do watch the History Channel but they did'nt have the Super Bowl on tonight. Can you imagine if move.org, that hate America group, was allowed to run their lying ads?

[MHGinTN]

Joan Of Arcadia, CSI, and Without A Trace were, I repeat were, shows that got air time in this household. Now, not one minute of CBS will dirty up the place. As for the NFL, well, within a few years, nudity will be flaunted on the sidelines in the party of the 'cheerleaders' ... can't have those MTV bilge rats out doing them!

[KC_Conspirator]

I am not sure the NFL was responsible for the filth I saw last night. Their ads were actually some of the best ("Tommorrow"). CBS however was shoveling the garbage.

[Eva]

That's what the leftist political agenda has done to our culture, they not only want redistribution of wealth, they want redistribution of culture and eduction, better known as dumbing down. The campaign slogan for the Democrats is "Aim for mediocrity, it's only fair."

[Demosthenes]

Perhaps CBS could ban MTV the way MTV banned Andrew Dice Clay for letting the F-word slip out on the VMA's way back when?

MTV....a truly hypocritical pile of sh--.

[Richard-SIA]

I have never watched a "Super-Bowl", and this confirms I have missed nothing!

Football is about as interesting as watching paint dry.

I prefer to live my life directly, in the first person, rather than vicariously.
I am not impressed with the players on or off the field, and cannot understand why so many people worship them and their game.

[SendShaqtoIraq]

"As for the commercials, I liked the Donkey that wanted to be a Clydesdale"

Me, too. That was my favorite. I did like the two pepsi ones also, esp the one with the bears.

[prisoner6]

THANX!

prisoner6

[bigghurtt]

call me dumb, but what does this mean.

I've been trying to figger it out, but I'm a wee slow i guess.

[Ronin]

Being in Japan and it being a rainy day, I had no way to watch the game. So, imagine my surprise when I log onto FR and find a whole mess of stories about Janet Jackson's nipple, some stories about other ads -- but no stories about who won.

I had to dig into Yahoo sports news to read about the game. From the way it sounds, it makes most Superbowls seem limp and tame.

Wish I had seen it.

[Charles Henrickson]

Super Bowl XXXVIII D.