HA!
Posted on 01/30/2004 4:53:04 PM PST by Keyes2000mt
Report #14 From: Dave Screwtape
To: House Democrats, Senate Democrats, Democratic National Committee, Our Media Allies
Subject: Strike Hard, Unite Now
I have long withheld my judgment in our current presidential race, but I can do so no longer. I urge all who read this report to join me in supporting the election of Senator John Kerry.
I don't write this because Kerry is a better speaker than other candidates. I don't write it because he has a better plan for America. I don't write this because of any character strengths. I couldn't care less. I write this because now is our chance to crush the Republicans and we'll be fools to waste our chance while the likes of Dean and Wesley Clark pretend to be serious presidential contenders.
Bush is weak. All the Major polls say that Bush is easy to beat. Those of you who are diehard pessimists will say I'm too optimistic and remind me of 1988. I look to the past, as well, but I look to 1992 instead.
It was with great glee that I read about conservative angst over Bush's spending record. Did you see them at CPAC? I did. I heard their quotes. They said that many of them weren't enthusiastic about backing Bush and they didn't care one way or another whether Bush was re-elected.
Do you realize what this means? Without the full support of his base, Bush is doomed. Things were so close in 2000 because a couple million Evangelicals were too busy waiting for the rapture on Election Day to vote. What will be the result in 2004? It'll be glorious. I don't care whether Kerry's from New England or New Zealand, he can clean Bush's clock.
To paraphrase a soon to be former candidate, "We'll pick up West Virginia, and Florida, New Hampshire, Colorado, and Ohio, and then we'll go back to Washington, DC and take back the White House. Yahhh!"
How did we get to this point? Bush has been eager to please everyone and compromise. So, while he has stood for many thing in the foreign policy arena, he's been promoting an agenda that's intended to buy off parts of our constituency. It's part of his idea of being a uniter and not a divider.
He failed to realize that his goal was impossible in a nation such as this. Right and left are set in array against each other and he stepped into the crossfire. Bush tried to buy the Seniors with prescription drugs, but we'll still point out how he has a dangerous privatization plan for Social Security. Bush is introducing a guest worker program to appease Hispanics, but it won't work as we're too entrenched in the portions of the Hispanic community this appeals to. Bush proposed an expanded space program to capture the votes of the young, but the young are too apathetic to care. Recently, Bush has proposed an increase in the National Endowment for the Arts to appeal to Hollywood. Now, at a moment when a large majority of the American people favor a marriage Amendment, Bush is as nervous as a first time swimmer, afraid of jumping into the water to support it because of alienating the Gay community (which already hates him).
In order to waste his time trying to grab our voters he's managed to alienate fiscal conservatives, the anti-immigration crowd, and the religious right. Bush has done in 2004, what he did in 2000: unite Conservatives of all stripes, but this time he has united them in disgust at his administration. They may vote for him, but they'll be holding their nose all the way to the polls. I have to love the way he revs up his base.
Then we have the brilliant strategy of the Conservative movement, which seems to have lost 20 IQ points in the past decade. Their great reaction to President Bush is to stay home on election day. In the process of this, the Republicans will probably lose the House and only stay even in the Senate, while future President Kerry gains the right to choose the next two or three justices of the Supreme Court. Boy, that will show Bush! If there were a God, I'd thank him for the fact that our opponents are spiteful idiots.
The best part is that when people leave the political process, particularly by not voting in a presidential election, they often never come back. Rush Limbaugh declares the Democrats dead, but we'll win by attrition. Our opponents will retire from the field of battle and we will take the day.
President Clinton did some things many of us didn't like. He reformed welfare and balanced the budget by cutting spending. Why did we stick with him for eight years? Two words. Ginsburg and Breyer. If those two justices were not on the Supreme Court, America would be a different place. This would be a country where running a third party political ad two days before an election would be legal, while sodomy would not. It's a scary thought, I know.
Republicans don't have the brains to realize this. They don't have a plan besides handwringing and throwing their hands up in surrender.
We are so close to victory, I can smell it. I haven't felt this good since Bill Clinton won the 1992 New Hampshire primary by finishing second. Now, find every opportunist in your area and get them working for Kerry. Endorse Kerry, send $2,000 to his campaign. Do whatever it takes to make it apparent to all that the other campaigns are hopeless.
Then, let us open our coffers wide. Get every supporter of the losing candidates to pour as much money in the Kerry campaign as is legal (or as they can get away with.)
Let us be proud, for less than a year from now, we will celebrate the inauguration of President Kerry and Bush will follow his father into the pages of history.
Best Personal Regards, Dave Screwtape
The Screwtape Report is written by Adam Graham. The Screwtape Report is written from a Democratic perspective by a conservative in order to reveal Democratic strategy and thinking. You can subscribe to the reports by clicking here.
That way, we will have the excuse to not only beat them in the election, but also to crack some skulls for good measure.
Us conservatives that have "lost 20 IQ points in the last decade" ain't gonna let the likes of you anywheres close to the Oval Office nor the Speaker's Chair.
HA!
I particularly like this paragraph. I surely reflects a handful of our resident handwringers here.
You gloss over the obvious alternative where we vote for Republicans in the House and Senate and 'stay home' only on the choice of President.
And on that, I still think there's time to write in Tom McClintock.
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