Posted on 01/18/2004 6:42:13 AM PST by John Jorsett
DES MOINES -- Sen. John Edwards, whose campaign has been officially declared by the media to be in Surge Mode, surged into town and held a real nice event.
That's Edwards' campaign theme: He's the nice one. He's NOT negative! He's NOT mean-spirited! He points this out constantly. ''I'm not going to go around calling names,'' he says, ''unlike the lying, scum-sucking toads running against me.'' (He doesn't say that last part out loud, but the message is clear.)
Edwards is surging in Iowa because (a) we in the media are severely bored with the other candidates, and (b) Iowans are big on nice. This is a very polite state. Fewer acts of rudeness are committed in Iowa in an entire year than during a single morning in any given New York City subway car.
Iowans are also extremely friendly. You stop to ask for directions at a convenience store, and you wind up getting invited to a wedding. As the groom! That's how nice Iowans are. So they've responded to John Edwards and his positive message of how much better he is than all the other slimeballs.
The Edwards rally was held in a hotel ballroom. When Edwards came out, the PA system blared the song I Was Born in a Small Town, to convey the message that Edwards was born in a small town, which he apparently views as an achievement.
Then Edwards, who is boyishly handsome and looks kind of like a doctor on a TV soap opera (a nice doctor) gave a nice speech about all the positive things he would do as president, including healthcare for everybody, college for everybody, the elimination of the budget deficit, and of course the utterly merciless rooting out and stomping upon of all special interests. Actually, ALL the Democratic candidates are going to do these things, but Edwards will do them in a nice way.
After the Edwards event, I drove about an hour northeast to a motel in the town of Marshalltown to witness an entirely different type of event.
This was a union rally for Dick Gephardt, and it was by far the manliest campaign event I have ever seen. It was attended predominantly by manly union men -- big men, any given one of whom was the size of three
Howard Dean supporters combined.
These men warmed up for the rally in the motel bar, drinking, smoking, laughing and shouting in a manly fashion.
Then everybody went outside, where a PA system, cranked up to 11, blasted out Mandy, by Barry Manilow.
No, really, it blasted Takin' Care of Business while a parade of huge and studly Teamster tractor-trailers rumbled up, horns blaring, each one stopping to discharge a union official until the last one discharged: Dick. He gave a violent grin and a manly thumbs-up, then everybody went inside to listen to speeches that were not nearly as conciliatory as the ones at the Edwards rally.
For example, Teamsters President James P. Hoffa said (really): ''Dick Gephardt's gonna kick their ass!'' And he was talking about the other Democrats. The speakers' statements regarding the president were even less positive. At one point the crowd chanted ``SEND BUSH TO MARS!''
Dick gave a fired-up speech about how he was going to fight for the working man, provide jobs and health care for everybody, obliterate the special interests, etc. The men cheered like crazy and promised to go to the caucuses and urge people to support Dick.
To any Iowans reading this, my advice is: Do whatever these men say.
I'm going to go to the Pubbie Caucus, where the manly men are just as tough as the Union Guys.
If you want to see what can happen to a town where two or three generations of union folks erroneously thought the good times would last forever, go to Marshalltown. When we moved from the area in '93, it had faded some, but within five or six years, the change was truly lamentable.
I forgot... who was President of the U.S. at that time? "Bill" somebody...
The one rallying cry that really angers me is the "I'll fight for the middle class" mantra.
Raising taxes and increasing government dependence is all they really offer.
They all whimper about loss of jobs, but not a single one of these political miscreants offers solid solutions to the problem.
There is a single knight without armor who IS fighting for the middle class.
President Bush has waged a very successful war against terror that may last for decades.
And for that bold action he is criticized and demonized by the pipsqueaks in the other party.
I love when Dave Barry throws in obscure references (from: This is Spinal Tap, a truly great film by a truly horrible person)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.