Posted on 01/17/2004 3:54:53 PM PST by John Jorsett
DES MOINES - I caught up with surging front-runner Howard Dean here at the Iowa State Fairgrounds, near a gas-station/mini-mart named (I swear) the ``Kum & Go.'' Outside the building where Dean spoke were two people -- at least I assume they were people -- one dressed as a giant carrot and one as a giant ear of corn. A representative of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) handed out literature stating that the carrot is ''Chris P. Carrot,'' and he's running for president on the platform of ''teaching American families and their children about healthy vegan diets.'' This raises several concerns: • Isn't Chris P. Carrot saying, essentially, that we should eat HIM? If we did, who would be president? The corn? • Does the vegan diet kill brain cells, as evidenced by the fact that it causes people to stand outside in the freezing cold dressed as giant vegetables? I didn't find out the answers. Like the Iowans at the Dean rally -- who appeared to be mostly carnivores -- I hastened past Chris P. Carrot into the warmth of the building. There I found a clot of seasoned political journalists, who briefed me on the Democratic race. The big news was that John Edwards, who had been stagnant, was surging, while at the same time John Kerry -- who had faltered early in the race, then surged, then re-faltered -- was now surging AGAIN. THE SURGE-IMPAIRED This bodes badly for Howard Dean, who used to be the Lone Surger out here, as well as traditional Iowa-caucus winner Dick Gephardt, who has, frankly, been unable to surge. He is surge-impaired, and he badly needs surgification in Iowa if he is to survive New Hampshire, where, word has it, Wesley Clark, who had been faltering, is now surging like a madman. He's the Surgin' General. You may think I'm making this stuff up, but it's a fairly accurate portrayal of how political journalists talk after weeks of being forced to write thousands upon thousands of words based on virtually zero hard information. For what it's worth, the current media consensus seems to be that the Democratic nomination will be won by either Dean or Clark. So I would not totally rule out Chris P. Carrot. Getting back to the Howard Dean rally: The first big excitement was the arrival onstage, to wild cheering, of Martin Sheen, who is backing Dean, which is very important because Sheen has a long and distinguished record of pretending to be president on TV. But the biggest applause came when Howard Dean, the feisty little Surgemeister himself, surged into the room and fired up the crowd by biting the head off a live puppy. Not really! I'm making a little joke about Dean's reputation for having a temper. In fact, it was a squirrel. NO KIND WORDS Ha ha! But seriously, Dean did express anger at George W. Bush, as well as Washington insiders and special interest groups. In covering five national campaigns, I have yet to hear a presidential contender say a single kind word about Washington insiders or special interest groups. Every last contender swears he's going to stomp these people like ants. Yet, incredibly, Washington remains infested with them. Whereas your presidential contenders Kum & Go. Anyway, Dean got a great response from his supporters, including Sen. Tom Harkin of Iowa, who is married to a lobbyist and has been in Congress since 1974, but apparently is not an insider yet. The evening ended with everybody shouting DEAN! DEAN! DEAN! for awhile, after which it was time to surge back out into the cold Iowa night. Chris P. Carrot was gone. I surged off to dinner with some veteran political journalists. We had steak.
"Rabbit that."
Yeah, I know whatchya mean. I always gotta stop and get coffee at any of them I come across. Casey's have better gas prices.
Don't unnerstan' the PETA guys, the QuikTrip at the corner of University and 30th gets better traffic. That Kum & Go sucks.
Hey, neighbor, I used to live in WDM too!
Uh...nice phraseology.
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