DAD'S THE TICKET

New York Post ^ | 1/17/04 | RICH LOWRY

[kattracks]

January 17, 2004 -- CENTURIES ago, mankind created the greatest anti-child-poverty program in all of recorded history. It was called marriage.

During the past three decades, the consensus behind this wondrously effective social program has collapsed. The result has harmed countless American children for whom there is no disaster quite like being born out of wedlock and growing up in a single-parent household.

[billorites]

The Devolution of Dads

[quietolong]

bump

[longtermmemmory]

every social program to save get fathers involved ends up treating them like a check book with no consideration to parental authority.

I was in a meeting and this woman in a straight face said she want to start a program to make divorced fathers pay child support by making them proud to pay it by educating them. (aka indoctrination program.) I told her it will never work because there is no contrary program to make women realize that they are not the only "parent" for those children. It is mother AND father. I was long winded but as rattled my litany she just turned a delightful shade of red.

No program will work unless it treats fathers as fathers, mothers as mothers and children as children. (especially the last one.)

[longtermmemmory]

Oops forgot to add. The programs also have to be more that the pop psychology of men are bad that dominimates the marrigae counselor industry.

It also means men have to stand up and tell the women (when appropriate) they are full of sh**t. (but lovingly)

[Caipirabob]

As a married man who happens to feel better off than his peers, I'd state: "Why the hell would any sane man get married these days?"

Per the old joke, he may as well pick a girl he hates and buy her a house and turn over half his assests.

Marriage will become attractive once the stigma of a devastating divorce is addressed. When the penalty is balanced regardless of sex, then I might suggest it is safe to approach marraige again, but my advice at this point would be "Run for the hills!"

Now I know there's millions of nice girls out there to marry, but the chances of running into one of the "high milage MTV crowd" is just too great. So many women (and men) have decided that "Sex in the City" serves as more of a role model for behavior rather than "The Donna Reed Show". The former types don't stand a chance in a lasting monogamous relationship.

Now my wife "serves" me as a wife in a biblical sense. In turn, I can deny her nothing. She always tells me, "A relationship can't survive if people give 50%/50%. Both have to give 100% (Well, I'm at about 82-85% but I'm working on it.) She amazes me, I've never seen the "unconditional love of Christ" manifested in someone so well this close to me. I learn more from her every day.

At any rate, when my boy is old enough I'll tell him to find a woman like his mother. I only hope he can. At that point I'll tell him his marraige has a shot to last.

At any rate, this thing about marraige is more of a deep cultural issue than anything else. It's not going to be legislated away. We're talking about a complete cultural revolution to fix this one, people.

[StonyBurk]

It seems all of my cognizant life marriage has been under
attack from some source. The first battle I recall was the
"no fault divorce" movement. And the push in public school
to encourage redefinition of marriage and family-through
the lens of womens rights. I married first to a woman I
thought was my friend-with the secular born idea -If it
don't work out we can allways get a divorce. It didn't--and
we did. This time - I spent hours and days in prayer -and
am fully convinced that unless a marriage is a union between two committed adults-equally committed to their
relationship with God-their marriage will not survive.

[normy]

I am amazed how many of my married freinds hate their marriage. I cant even visit them at their homes for more than an hour or so because their wives torment them the whole time I am there. I have freinds who have been married for years tell me they got themselves into horrible situations.

The truth is if your thoughts and doings are not against the Lord you will have a good marriage. Men do not take the responsibility of fatherhood which is to be the leader of the family. Most I know let their wives make the decisions for most things. I guess its easier or they are tired of fighting so they give up.

Men have to believe on Jesus and believe he died was buried and went to hell and was raised again on the third day, they need to bless their wives but do what God wants them to do and it will not be to let your wives run the show.

Finally if wives love God they will be obedient to their husbands as unto God and even if your husband is a flake God will respect your humility towards Him and change the heart of your husband to be obedient to God.

[Lazamataz]

I married first to a woman I thought was my friend-with the secular born idea -If it don't work out we can allways get a divorce. It didn't--and we did.

Ditto. The concept that divorce is a wasy-out gives too many couples an incentive not to try again

This time - I spent hours and days in prayer -and am fully convinced that unless a marriage is a union between two committed adults-equally committed to their relationship with God-their marriage will not survive.

Ditto. One of my non-negotiables now, is that the woman must be a firm believer in G-d. That makes the vows not just between you two, but a promise to G-d.

[Lazamataz]

wasy=easy

[independentmind]

At any rate, when my boy is old enough I'll tell him to find a woman like his mother.

You probably won't have to tell him.

A very wise priest once said that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

[sauropod]

The 1.5 billion dollar initiative is a waste of money. W. should use the bully pulpit to advocate for marriage, but no more than that. Not a legitimate governmental function.

[FITZ]

The United States doesn't have a "welfare problem," so much as a marriage problem. We spend $200 billion a year on various means-tested welfare programs. Seventy-five percent of it goes to single parents. The welfare system as we know it for children would hardly exist if it weren't for widespread single parenthood.

What came first --- the chicken or the egg? The welfare program has caused many of these single parent families. Ending welfare would do a lot to start getting these girls to wait until marriage.

[sauropod]

Speaking as one that gets to pay that lovely child support, let me say i am happy to do it as long as it is done in a fair way -which it is not. The system is ginned against men.

[sauropod]

"Men do not take the responsibility of fatherhood which is to be the leader of the family."

With all due respect, that's a load of Clark. My marriage dissolved for two basic reasons: 1) The ex had her priorities screwed up and refused to reorder them (putting husband right after God instead of right after Children, Mother-in-law, God, and the neighbors) and never really emotionally separated from her mother.

It turned into a living hell and no amount of "leadership" could save it.

[sauropod]

"Ditto. One of my non-negotiables now, is that the woman must be a firm believer in G-d. That makes the vows not just between you two, but a promise to G-d."

I did that. We were both believers.

[Rebelbase]

Huh. We could have been married to the same woman.

[sauropod]

Well, i was first ;-).

[Lazamataz]

I did that. We were both believers.

Salam Alikum,

This Aalim wife, she cheated you. Is she not a Faasiq? In front of your whole masjid, praise Allah, she dishonored you. She abused the Hujaaj. By the Sharia-al, you are permitted to stone her until she is dead.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Lazamataz-al-Truble.