Posted on 01/10/2004 7:02:50 PM PST by freedom44
Shaunti Feldhahn, a right-leaning columnist, writes the commentary this week and Diane Glass, a left-leaning columnist, responds
SHAUNTI FELDHAHN for ajc.com
As a kid, I never realized there was a bias against interracial dating -- or that any serious racial bias still existed. Like most kids in the Washington, D.C.-area melting pot, I grew up around everyone from the children of African diplomats to kids who came over on the boats from Cambodia. My classmates spoke every language and lived in everything from luxury lake homes to public housing. Our dinner guests were just as likely to be from Nigeria or India as from Kansas or California.
After graduation, I left home for a summer waitressing job at a Colorado guest ranch, completely unaware that my multi-racial upbringing had been unusual. I learned fast.
Twenty young staffers came to the ranch from all over the country, and we girls put up pictures and frills to make each bunk our own. One evening, I showed another waitress my snapshots. She gestured at a Homecoming picture of me and my best friend with our dates, standing in front of my date's vintage Mercedes.
"And who is this," she asked, "your chauffer?"
"No, silly," I laughed, "he's my date."
"Your date?" She pulled away, appalled that I would go to Homecoming with a black friend. She stood up, walked out of the room and never spoke to me again. From then on, she communicated through other staff members. "Mary, tell Shaunti to fill the syrup bottles."
Word got around quickly. The next morning, the two cooks -- two young men who had been my friends -- started chanting, "once you go black, you never go back" over and over again. I was horrified, and had no idea how to respond. They were merciless the rest of the summer, and I received a ruthless and swift education.
Why is there a bias against interracial dating, especially between blacks and whites? Almost certainly, people with that bias are people who have no close friends of other races. And unfortunately that's still a sizeable population. Once you have spent time with each other, cried on each other's shoulders, worshipped together at church, or played games long into the night at each other's homes, somehow the idea of their daughter dating your son becomes a non-issue.
And that relationship, by the way, is what makes the difference between giving politically-correct lip service to racial diversity and having a real love for one another as people, and a desire for community.
The problem is, there will always be those who choose to wall themselves off from those friendships, whether out of subtle discomfort or hard-core bigotry. But in most cases, no wall is wanted. It's just that someone of another color seems different. And they are different. We all are. A rich mixture of different elements makes us all who we are -- including our race, gender, economic background, faith, beliefs and interests. That's what makes relationships so interesting and worthwhile, including dating relationships. And because racially biased people have never experienced it, they don't understand what a blessing that diversity can be.
Rebuttal Diane Glass AJC columnist
Shaunti gets a gold star for political correctness. I don't think many would disparage her heartfelt experience. But asking "why is there racism" isn't nearly as interesting or provocative as asking what you are going to do in the face of bigotry? We all know racism exists. Knowing something doesn't change it. Doing something does.
After Shaunti faced racism head on, what did she do? Did she shy away from interracial dating as an adult, bite her tongue and shake her head in silent disapproval? Or did she fight bigotry with spirited defiance? Silence and obedience are just as toxic a poison. And the question I'm dying to ask is: Would Shaunti consider marrying a black man? She advocates a stable home where the triple scourge of divorce, atheism and gay marriage endanger children. How would she feel about an interracial marriage fraught with social stigma, family arguments and sarcastic barbs at school? Would she take a stand against racism if her children had to suffer?
I wonder.
I ask because the statistics suggest that many may lament the failings of a racist culture but few want to withstand the approbation when racial boundaries are crossed. Since 1980, interracial marriages have more than doubled but today this still only represents a mere 2 percent of married couples in 2000.
Interracial dating isn't so black and white. Pardon the pun. And yet it is. The Asian population intermixes with any race and this barely raises an eyebrow. Likewise with Hispanics. It's often an issue of black and white relationships. Black men with white women is the most problematic for Americans, even though black men and white women are more than twice as likely to marry than black women and white men.
Resentment and a healthy dose of prejudice are veiled in the tales about the mythic physical endowments of black men. Yet racism isn't only a failing of the white population. Black women often feel betrayed by black men who look outside of their race and choose the arms of an enemy who exemplifies the American ideal. The blond Ivory Girl smile and blue eyes of Tiger Woods' future wife no doubt raised the ire of many who wondered why such a powerful role model to black youth couldn't embrace his own race.
Racism, like the history of marriage, is about power: Who has it, who wants it, how can I get it? People feel betrayed and angry about interracial couples because these couples step across enemy lines. "Can we all just get along?" That's not likely until power among the races is on a level playing field and marriage, or dating, is no longer an act of treason.
I'm white. I dated a guy years ago who was a Puerto Rican from Harlem (but moved to Atlanta). I thought he was Italian when I met him, but had no problem that he was PR. My parents liked him when they met him, also thinking he was Italian. I could see a look of extreme disapproval when my dad found out otherwise. The relationship didn't last (due to the guy being a JERK).
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1. American white people tend to be very subtly racist, (often without realizing it), so we're often confused and offended when someone calls us on it. Always having been the dominant group, we tend to be genuinely unaware of why other minorities would find us threatening, or unable to see what inherent advantages we have over them socially.
2. American minorities across the entire socio-economic spectrum are often openly racist, especially the ones that are most vocal about white racism. I've heard black people discuss Asians (and vice versa) in terms that few whites would ever use, even privately. We don't punish minority hate speech the way we do white hate speech, which ultimately creates more of both.
3. Other nations, on the whole, are so much more racist than America that it's off the chart. I always find it entertaining to hear people in those countries talk about 'our racial issues', or people in this country lament what a racially divided country we live in. We're so far ahead of the assimilation pack it's absurd. Other 'diverse' nations paper over their differences and pretend that they're not there, but I'd rather be a minority in America than anywhere else.
My son's best friend down here in Houston Co, Georgia has a mom who is black, dad white. No one cares around here. Maybe the South is less prejudiced than the North. :D
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