[hopespringseternal]

Let's say I 'give all' again...which is a very difficult thing for anyone to do. What's to keep him from taking the sex that is offered next time.

Are you saying it is difficult to give all because of his infidelity, or because you just don't like doing it?

If both of you can change your hearts toward one another he won't be interested. If both of you can't recommit to loving each other, it will only be a matter of time.

I cannot fathom that about men. If it's just sex, why marry at all? Why commit yourself to someone and promise to be faithful when all you really want is to get laid?

For most men, it is only the notion that sex outside of marriage is wrong that ever gets them to marry. With a woman, the relationship must be there for the sex. With a man, the sex must be there for the relationship. Probably the bitterest dissappointment in a man's life is to stand before Almighty God and make an unconditional covenant of marriage to a woman and then find that a random woman off the street is more likely to be willing to satisfy his urges than his wife. He feels betrayed not only by his wife, but by God. He has given his freedom, his income, his life to a woman who night after night refuses to even acknowledge any desire for him.

He has been lured into a trap, one that he will spend his life in. His sex drive becomes a daily torment. He is faced with a choice, his promise to God to be faithful to a woman that every day he grows to hate a little bit more in spite of all his efforts to love her, and the cute young thing who admires his looks, his car, his income, etc. Surprisingly, most men simply trudge through life enduring this situation, trying to love their wives and be faithful to them, all the while thinking that at least they get to die early.

[dubyagee]

It is difficult to give all because of our natural defenses. Sort of like I'm thinking, well if he's going to eventually dump me anyway, I might as well start looking myself. There are things that I don't get from him, just as there are things he doesn't get from me. I never looked at other men with any sort of 'interest', now of course, I do. I also realize that what I find myself looking for, most likely doesn't exist. Let's face it, if men think that way, it doesn't matter how much I give. If something prettier and younger comes along and is interested, if he has not really changed, he'll go for it.

I told him in order for me to be able to stay, he had to change. I meant inside, in the heart, as in accept Christ and see the world the way Christ sees it. He believes but in a worldly sort of way. I realize I cannot force this change on him, only God can really change him. And I have stayed without the change, but it is difficult knowing that he doesn't really 'understand' if you know what I mean.

For most men, it is only the notion that sex outside of marriage is wrong that ever gets them to marry.

I appreciate your brutal honesty. Can't say I like the answers, but they are appreciated. Guess it goes to show us what this world would look like if the Christians just went away one day. 8 *)