Dr. Laura Schlessinger: 'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

WorldNetDaily.com ^ | Tuesday, January 6, 2004 | Dr. Laura Schlessinger

[JohnHuang2]

'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

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Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com

Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?

Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."

Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.

What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?

• Their women don't seem to have much regard for their feelings and needs

• Their women constantly criticize and dismiss them

• Their women don't seem to want to go out of their way to please them

• Their women nag, demand, and complain – and seem to behave as though they were entitled to do so

• Their women don't make them feel truly needed and valued as men

What are husbands' most important needs?

• He wants to feel like a "man" to his woman; he wants to feel he is providing and protecting

• He wants to feel she needs and admires him

• He wants to know she desires him

• Basically, "The Three A's": appreciation, approval and affection

What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?

They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.

Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.

All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?

Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."

What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?

As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.

I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.

Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?

Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.

However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.

Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?

Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.

The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.

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[chris1]

I had a girl once ask me to go the Vault in NYC. That relationship ended right there! I am not getting whipped in public for ANYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Quix]

Perhaps you'd be willing to elaborate a bit or apply your point more specifically, with more articulation to this thread?

[Quix]

Thanks much! I agree.

[Quix]

Cruel?

On the contrary. Helping a couple move to intense shared physical, sexual intercourse

when it's been totally or mostly absent and certainly absent in terms of shared PLEASURE for many months, maybe years--is HARDLY cruel.

It helps greatly to increase the PLEASURE OF BOTH and to set up a situation in which playfulness is likely to erupt. It sets up a situation in which the pressure is NOT on sexual performance with the accompanying ego risks and fears--but the focus is on abandoning selfishness toward PLEASURING their partner selflessly. That, too, is all to the good in cultivating what is required for good sex.

There is another key aspect which I'll FREEPMAIL you though it would likely blunt the effectiveness were you to need the methodology.

[freedox]

Chris, if you ever buy flowers or jewelry for this woman again, please do me a personal favor and do not post about it on FR.......if I read it, I'm afraid I would become physically ill. Your indication in a previous post that this relationship is ending gave me a huge sigh of relief. Trust me, this woman is not seeking to build a relationship with you. She is only seeking to elevate her own social status. She wants to be able to tell her friends that her flowers and jewelry came from the best shops in town.......what is in your heart is of no value to her.

If I could work up the energy, I might feel some pity for her.......but I don't think I'll waste the effort.

[Quix]

Maybe I haven't listened to her as much as you have.

But my read on that is, a LOT (high percentage) of the men who call Dr Laura are men who are not the greatest men. A lot of them deserve to be awakened with a verbal slap up-side the head. A lot of them are fairly wimpy, whiney.

I can slightly understand the Shrillery association but I see them as enormously different, thankfully.

[Quix]

STRONGLY AGREE.

[Quix]

I agree.

[chris1]

Thanks. I don't intend to. Nothing like trying to do something nice and get spit on. If I did something bad, then I would deserve it.

[riri]

Freedox is right. If you married this woman, god forbid, it would only get worse. She'd want the bigger house built by the upscale builder in the better neighborhood to drive her "brand x" car. Ralph Lauren sheets and Tommy Hilfiger gravy ladels, all the way. LOL

[chris1]

Don't laugh, she calls me a Guido on my Mustang GT Convt.

[Quix]

GOOD FOR YOU.

When we divorce sex from the context God designed it for . . . we get on a slippery slide of diminishing returns. We have to do something more and more dramatic to get the same level of thrill.

At some point, all that's left is to take 'advantage' of the nearness of the pain neurons at the base of the spine--their nearness to the pleasure neurons from the genital areas. That--and the satanic component--explains well the attraction of S&M. Sick.

[AnnaZ]

Perhaps you'd be willing to elaborate a bit or apply your point more specifically, with more articulation to this thread?

Most Scriptural reference to which I allude has been posted, I believe, although I didn't see this one:

 

The New American Standard Bible   

1 Corinthians 7     Read This Chapter

7:5

Stop ^R242 depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come ^F67 together again so that Satan ^R243 will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

 

... 'though it may have been missed by me.

 

My point is that the advice that Dr. Laura offers is not new, and for the believing wife there is far more to be found in Stormie Omartian's book (I know, I know... what a name).

 

My addition to God's written advice is that the griping should be among the wimmin'folk, and that the serene front should be the one put up at home. Be honest to those you trust outside of the marital bed, and to the Lord inside of it.

 

Married girlfriends and sisters too often paint a perfect picture of their marriages to each other, making both sides reticent about their true pains and longings and taking it out on their husbands instead. They lose the opportunity of integral support by doing so, and either keep their emotions pent up or unleash it on their men. A man who is nagged will not grow. A man who is not a man in his home cannot be expected to be a man outside of it, except, tragically, if he finds others who show him the respect he must have (in order to be a man).

 

The vicious cycle of nagging -> bad behavior -> nagging must be broken by the elimination of the nagging.

 

It's hard to respect a man when one feels smarter, as so many women do, but through treating one's husband as if he were all one desired, and taking the deficits to God, the molding of his character will be completed. The proper alignment is God -> man -> woman -> children; women need to understand their place and, as I said earlier, take the troubles to The Boss. I really believe that marriage, when approached correctly, is a work of art, created over time through refinement and clarity of vision. (And we know all artists must suffer... ;^)

[dc27]

My wife and I are both 34 years old. Her self-esteem is not too bad. But her father liked both painkillers and alcohol. My wife was extremely bitter the first four years of the marriage. I did what Sauron suggested and only did nice things to her when she was nice to me. It took about a year, but her attitude did change. Everything else in the marriage is good except for her attitude towards sex. I have tried to talk to her about it over the years, but it doesn't change. Her response is I don't want sex when she wants to have sex. I told her, how would I know when she wants to have sex if she never asks/initiates? That is why I am taking Hope's approach. I am going to quit trying and leave it up to her. Either she'll change her attitude, or I'll go blind.

[Nov3]

I beg your pardon. My statement could have been worded more carefully! I am sorry. I do love Protestants!

[chris1]

Or just start watching porn movies and taking care of yourself in other ways. Sad reality is that how if works a lot of the time.

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

Read Proverbs 25:24. It covers most of what Dr. Laura said in one sentence.

[altura]

She wanted you to get the flowers at an expensive shop AND have them delivered to her office.

Girls love that! (ha)

[hopespringseternal]

I am going to quit trying and leave it up to her.

Just be careful that what you do isn't damaging to either of you. My wife gets the message loud and clear and fast. It is also a little reassuring to me because it tells me she wants to at least be pursued even when she doesn't want to be caught. (Of course that is a revelation of her selfishness in that it shows she can be satisfied with my frustration.)

But you never know when something like that might cause someone to go unhinged.

[chris1]

But your being teased, and she knows it hurts you not to have regular healthy happy sex. Its like putting a bone in front of a dog and taking it away.