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Dr. Laura Schlessinger: 'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'
WorldNetDaily.com ^ | Tuesday, January 6, 2004 | Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Posted on 01/06/2004 12:06:06 AM PST by JohnHuang2

'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com

Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?

Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."

Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.

What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?

What are husbands' most important needs?

What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?

They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.

Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.

All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?

Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."

What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?

As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.

I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.

Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?

Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.

However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.

Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?

Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.

The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.





TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: bookreview; drlaura; propercare
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To: JohnHuang2
I remember a similar book written a few decades ago called Fascinating Womanhood .
401 posted on 01/06/2004 9:33:19 PM PST by HungarianGypsy
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To: Saundra Duffy
I've heard her a bit harsh at times.

HOWEVER, PEOPLE ARE PRETTY RESISTENT TO CHANGE and pretty resilient. Even the pathetic mangled souls are usually very tenaciously that way in at least a few ways.

Sometimes it takes some jarring comments to jerk people out of their deadly ruts.

Life is a risk. Any kind of advice to anyone based on any foundation--even The Bible--can be very risky.

I think on the whole, she does a good job. I'd rather be offended and jarred out of my deadly rut than left there out of 'niceness.'
402 posted on 01/06/2004 9:34:17 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: dc27
HOW'S HER SELF-ESTEEM?

How were her attachment years 1-8 years old?

How's her confidence and self-image?


Then there's the whole hormonal thing and just the idiosyncratic differences between individuals.


AND, HOW'S THAT SET OF THINGS WHICH *SHE* DEFINES AS LOVING AND BEING LOVED?

And how are your NONsexual massage skills???
403 posted on 01/06/2004 9:38:11 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: Positive
Loved em.

Thanks.
404 posted on 01/06/2004 9:41:35 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: Woahhs
If I remember right . . . one needs to insure that after an interaction . . . something like 5 out of 7 interactions need to be remembered as being a net positive; leaving a positive after taste in the memory of them.

Otherwise, the prognosis is not so good.

I should look that statistic up.
405 posted on 01/06/2004 9:43:18 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: bootless
Awesome wisdom and maturity.

And personal strength.

Congratulations.
406 posted on 01/06/2004 9:44:22 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: technochick99
My ex-husband's behaviours could be classified as both destructive and dangerous ...

We might have the same ex...

407 posted on 01/06/2004 9:45:51 PM PST by SCalGal
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To: Marie
Do you give lessons?

I can think of a long list of people who'd profit from them!
408 posted on 01/06/2004 9:46:48 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: Lazamataz
One thing I learned in Narcotics Anonymous is that I cannot fix other people.

And it annoys them when you try.

409 posted on 01/06/2004 9:49:47 PM PST by SCalGal
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To: hopespringseternal
People can be overly paranoid about the word manipulation.

Every interchance could be construed as a manipulation to get more of what we want at the least cost to us.




One standard treatment of such things is to forbid sexual relations for X weeks . . . even XX weeks. To structure a series of interactions which are designed to increase the focus on the other person; the focus on sensations etc.

Toward the end of the time, massage sessions are scheduled wherein the two are FORBIDDEN to let the massage develop into sexual relations.

The object is to focus on PLEASURING the other person with 0.00% demand or even expectation of a return.

If done well, the other person who's typically known as the withholder, will eventually get her buckets more filled and begin to playfully respond. If the husband plays it right, he will pleasure her well enough with NON SEDUCTIVE massage that she will begin to ascribe to the sensations sexual overtones and respond accordingly.

But the husband must AUTHENTICALLY surrender his expectations and determine to pleasure the wife, please her, focus on her etc.
410 posted on 01/06/2004 9:51:52 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: Nov3
I beg your pardon!

I've seen plenty foaming-at-the-mouth Roman's and a lot of other persuasions, too!

Besides, rolling in the asiles and hanging from the chandeliers can be fun.
411 posted on 01/06/2004 9:53:27 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: carlo3b
I can understand.

Sounds like a lot of unnecessary ooooowies.
412 posted on 01/06/2004 9:56:13 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: AnnaZ
Great points.
413 posted on 01/06/2004 9:57:26 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: Quix
They are exceedingly tender and vulnerable in terms of their egos--especially in terms of their masculinity, potency, virility etc.

Nailed it!

The only person that can really hurt me is my wife of 18 years. Her opinion of me really matters.

I don't really care what others think.

414 posted on 01/06/2004 9:57:44 PM PST by Eaker (Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark. - Lazarus Long)
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To: Woahhs
understood by our intentions vs actions.

that's pretty HUMAN.
415 posted on 01/06/2004 9:59:53 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: Land of the Free 04
Heard something funny on the weather today, "It's 18 degrees--that'll put some flannel on you metrosexuals."
416 posted on 01/06/2004 10:01:19 PM PST by des
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To: Marie
GREAT WISDOM THERE!
417 posted on 01/06/2004 10:01:25 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: Marie
HUG, not talk, LISTEN

AND RUB (NOT pat).

Patting too easily communicates--OK, ALREADY, SHAPE UP SO I CAN QUIT THIS AND DO SOMETHING ELSE!

418 posted on 01/06/2004 10:02:33 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: SauronOfMordor; All
What's the difference between

LEERING

and

LOOKING LONGINGLY TOWARD WITH DEVOTED RAPTURE INTENT ON FILLING AND FULFILLING TO THE MAX AS WELL AS BEING FILLED TO THE MAX WITH?
419 posted on 01/06/2004 10:06:19 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: Marie
GREAT COMMENTS.
420 posted on 01/06/2004 10:07:22 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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