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Dr. Laura Schlessinger: 'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'
WorldNetDaily.com ^ | Tuesday, January 6, 2004 | Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Posted on 01/06/2004 12:06:06 AM PST by JohnHuang2

'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com

Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?

Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."

Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.

What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?

What are husbands' most important needs?

What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?

They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.

Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.

All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?

Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."

What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?

As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.

I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.

Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?

Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.

However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.

Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?

Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.

The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.





TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: bookreview; drlaura; propercare
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To: Hildy
I need to be more obvious when I kid
341 posted on 01/06/2004 5:48:46 PM PST by GeronL (Ah daunt yous spiel cheekier ether)
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To: DragonflyX
WELL, NOW, I know a Pretty Good Psychologist who would be willing to Talk to You!!

Doc

342 posted on 01/06/2004 5:53:26 PM PST by Doc On The Bay
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To: chris1
"Just look at the latest Diamonds commercial on tv and that says it all. He buys here a big overpriced ring, and she says "I love this man" as she seems to be having an orgasm while she hugs him."

Don't let those diamond commercials scare you. When my husband and I married 22 years ago, he gave me what he could afford at the time......a very narrow plain gold band. He told me that he would replace the ring when he could afford something better. I told him that that ring would never leave my finger.......and for 22 years, it hasn't. Although he has far exceeded his promises of financial success and has bought me many things, that plain gold band remains the only jewelry on my left hand. Nothing could ever mean more to me than that symbol of his promise, offered at a time when promises were all that either of us could afford to give.

343 posted on 01/06/2004 5:54:10 PM PST by freedox
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To: WKB; Magnolia; dixiechick2000
All these years I have kept my secret life just that.

Your secret is safe with me, WKB. Haven't you read my tagline?

344 posted on 01/06/2004 5:58:37 PM PST by onyx (Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.)
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To: Neets

Woo-Hoo! You got yourself a new tagline that caught my attention.
345 posted on 01/06/2004 6:00:29 PM PST by onyx (Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.)
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To: All
Dr. Laura is coming up on Hannity and Colmes. This should be interesting.
346 posted on 01/06/2004 6:02:13 PM PST by LisaMalia (Buckeye Fan since birth!!)
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To: Tall_Texan; carlo3b
"I'm astounded at how many women refuse the easy road to happiness because they'd rather treat men with suspicion or contempt instead of love."

"It appears that many women want to be understood so well that there may not be much left to care about when we finally do understand."

IMO, two of the best statements on the whole thread.

347 posted on 01/06/2004 6:03:41 PM PST by freedox
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To: onyx
I want to be known for more than just QVCP at ElPeePee.
348 posted on 01/06/2004 6:03:45 PM PST by Neets (Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex)
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Well, it works for me. And boy, does it come back 100 fold!

I'm good to him and he's good to me. It really does work both ways.
349 posted on 01/06/2004 6:05:40 PM PST by It's me
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To: stevio
It takes three to make a good marriage. You need God too. I think my wife and I have a happy marriage. At 7 1/2 yrs and 2 1/2 kids, both have to have their priorities straight. Oh yea, the "gettin' it on" is always getting better.

BINGO!

Sounds like you are my husband! We've been married 23 years. It does keep getting better.

350 posted on 01/06/2004 6:11:19 PM PST by It's me
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To: freedox
That was nice to hear. I like hearing that kind of thing.
351 posted on 01/06/2004 6:19:22 PM PST by chris1
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To: It's me
Dr. Laura is coming on.
352 posted on 01/06/2004 6:21:57 PM PST by chris1
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To: longtermmemmory
Sapphires, sapphires, or maybe emeralds are the stone. Diamonds are overrated...
353 posted on 01/06/2004 6:33:48 PM PST by Axenolith (<tag>)
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To: Neets
LOL! Heck, Neets, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, might even awaken Dead-Fred.
354 posted on 01/06/2004 6:34:26 PM PST by onyx (Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.)
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To: carlo3b
A beautiful post, once again, Carlo. Thank you for joining the thread.
355 posted on 01/06/2004 6:37:51 PM PST by rintense
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To: Marie
Some women are just not good people. Just like some men. If she won't put forth effort, you can't make her change. Just don't turn into my grandfather and work your butt off for your entire life for a nasty, naggy, lazy wife who refuses to even be kind. He didn't even get to outlive the witch.

Sometimes it's like the song:

You gotta know when to hold'em
Know when to fold'em
Know when to walk away
Know when to run

356 posted on 01/06/2004 6:37:52 PM PST by SauronOfMordor (Nine out of the ten voices in my head told me to stay home and clean my guns today)
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To: Chunga
Men can be quite slow, but by and large we're extremely sure.

Are you sure about that? ;) I guess it was just the way I read Dr. Laura's post.

357 posted on 01/06/2004 6:40:26 PM PST by rintense
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To: Marie
FOR SURE!

Am curious--Which one, IF I may ask.

FREEMAIL, IF YOU'D RATHER!

358 posted on 01/06/2004 6:42:06 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: Marie
Very nice post, Marie. Thank you! I don't disagree with anything you've said. I have learned much by reading this thread.
359 posted on 01/06/2004 6:45:11 PM PST by rintense
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To: longtermmemmory
I think the word manipulation is too strong. By that logic, giving a woman gold jewelry is manipulation.

If I give a woman gold jewelry in appreciation of her love or her beauty or her kindness to me, her acceptance of it is its own reward. If I gave her jewelry with the expectation that I could then have sex with her, that is manipulation (unless it had been previously agreed upon that the jewelry was a de facto fee for sex).

I once had a female co-worker do a small, kind thing for me at the office. Next, she wanted me to spend my lunch hour running her errands for her. That is manipulation. The kind thing was not requested and there was no agreement on my part that I would do anything in return for this kindness. She just assumed that if she did something nice for me, I'd be willing to run her errands. She guessed wrong.

"Manipulation", like "discrimination", are words that have become emotionally-staked to mean worse than what they really mean. In my mind, manipulation is when you do something for someone with the expectation that they will be coerced to do something you want them to. It's the second half of the equation that makes it manipulation, not the first.

If I buy a woman a dinner, or a drink or a car, I'm not expecting anything in return unless I announce it before she accepts it. If she wants to respond in kind, that's great. If she doesn't, that's life (at least my life).

But then again, women are always telling me I'm "too nice", "too kind". etc.

360 posted on 01/06/2004 6:45:47 PM PST by Tall_Texan (Happy 2004 - the year we put Republicanism into overdrive.)
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