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Dr. Laura Schlessinger: 'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'
WorldNetDaily.com ^ | Tuesday, January 6, 2004 | Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Posted on 01/06/2004 12:06:06 AM PST by JohnHuang2

'The Proper Care And Feeding Of Husbands'

Posted: January 6, 2004
1:00 a.m. Eastern

© 2004 WorldNetDaily.com

Why did you write this book aiming at the women – aren't both responsible for the quality of the marriage?

Of course! However, women are in the unique position of having an extraordinary amount of influence over their husbands, which when exercised thoughtfully, compassionately, lovingly and intelligently results in a happier husband who will "swim through shark infested waters to bring her a lemonade."

Women seem not to understand, or underestimate, the profound power they have over their husbands. Men are very emotionally dependent upon women from the day they are born to the day they expire. This book teaches women to use this power benevolently – which will definitely result in them being happier with life and love.

What are the most common complaints men have about their wives?

What are husbands' most important needs?

What is the No. 1 worst mistake women make with respect to being happy in their marriages?

They marinate in negatives. It is typical of women to fester and ferment over disappointments, slights, annoyances, angers, etc. Women, more typically than men, will go over it ad infinitum in the own heads, with their mothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social groups (remember Jerry McGuire?) – in doing so they reinforce the negative and create a bad attitude – one which turns into entitlement for not being particularly nice.

Attitude is about believing that your mate has your best interests at heart – it is about not letting loving feelings be squelched by everyday annoyances and disappointments; it is about benefit of the doubt; it is about cherishing the moments and living for the well-being of the other and being sustained by the joy of giving and the blessing of receiving in return.

All through the book you say "men are simple" ... isn't that an insult?

Not at all! In fact, most all of the many hundreds of responses I received from men in preparing this book confirmed just that: "Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich," and "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."

What about sex? Are wives obligated to give their husbands sex on demand?

As a woman who happens to believe that orgasms are a fabulous gift and blessing from God, I am amazed at how many women callers are willing to give them up to the gods of "I'm tired," or "I'm annoyed." Now, anyone cannot be in the mood from time to time – that's natural. However, the denigration of male sexual needs (They are just animals) and the use of sex to punish or control (You didn't do what I wanted) and inappropriate prioritizing (My work and children take all my energy) are self-centered and self-defeating.

I ask my women callers who complain that their husbands are not happy with virtually no sexual intimacy (and, by the way, that's what the men truly feel about sex with their wives – it's the ultimate in "acceptance and approval" for them) if they would be satisfied with that profound a rejection and dismissal. They always say, "No, I guess not." Frankly, too many women treat their husbands as accessories instead of priorities.

Are there any marital situations for which your book does not apply?

Yes, most definitely. Where the behavior of the husbands is blatantly destructive, dangerous or evil, this book does not apply.

However, these ideas and techniques have salvaged and revitalized innumerable strained, stagnant, boring, disappointing, annoying, frustrating and even seemingly dead marriages. When I nag a woman caller to try just one simple behavior for one day, I inevitably get the call back that they are amazed at the difference a day made.

Are you going to write the book for men on the proper care and feeding of wives?

Nope. Men are born of women and between girlfriends and then a wife; men spend their entire lives in the tutelage of women. What women accept or reject is largely the guiding force for what men will and won't do. When they are treated with the Three A's, they naturally, and in gratitude and affection, give their women the attention, regard, respect, support and love they want.

The ideas and techniques in this book are simple and sweet. What a blessing for women to know that they largely control their own happiness! My job is to get their prejudices and bad attitudes out of their own way. Transforming your guy into a loving man is its own reward.





TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: bookreview; drlaura; propercare
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To: chris1
I could say so many things on the word cat (and other words for something feline) but I won't go there. Hehehe.
261 posted on 01/06/2004 2:19:08 PM PST by rintense
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To: Lazamataz; chris1
Scary how well you know me.
262 posted on 01/06/2004 2:19:47 PM PST by rintense
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To: rintense
We all need a laugh, don't we???????????
263 posted on 01/06/2004 2:19:55 PM PST by chris1
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To: chris1
Well, most women like jewelry, fwiw. That's never been a big factor for me. And most women I know wouldn't be so thrilled either - of course, my friends are very practical. But anyway, it's just a commercial that bears as little resemblance to real life as all of the other things you see.
264 posted on 01/06/2004 2:20:24 PM PST by technochick99
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To: chris1
Well, most women like jewelry, fwiw. That's never been a big factor for me. And most women I know wouldn't be so thrilled either - of course, my friends are very practical. But anyway, it's just a commercial that bears as little resemblance to real life as all of the other things you see.
265 posted on 01/06/2004 2:20:24 PM PST by technochick99
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To: rintense
Yeah. Call me old fashioned, but I want to know someone's mind, heart and soul (and for them to know me the same) before we share our bodies. Unfortunately, not very many men respect that anymore. Well, the ones that do are already taken. :)

You seem to have all the loose ends tied up rather nicely. How's that workin' for you?

266 posted on 01/06/2004 2:20:29 PM PST by Woahhs
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To: rintense
Scary how well you know me.

;^)

267 posted on 01/06/2004 2:21:12 PM PST by Lazamataz (I stole this tagline from Conspiracy Guy. I beat him up and took it. That's because I can.)
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To: Woahhs
That's why I'm still single. ;) Still looking for something real and true, not simply convenient.
268 posted on 01/06/2004 2:21:39 PM PST by rintense
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To: rintense
Its tough out there!
269 posted on 01/06/2004 2:23:18 PM PST by chris1
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To: hopespringseternal
Your post is dead on. I started a calender this year to document how many times my wife will initiate sex. She initiaited only one time last year. BTW, no amount of catering will increase my odds. I help with the kids homework, bath them, clean up the house, and put the kids to bed. She is still "tired." After 10 years of marriage, I have learned not to humiliate myself and beg.
270 posted on 01/06/2004 2:29:18 PM PST by dc27
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To: sauropod
"Interesting reading" ping...
271 posted on 01/06/2004 2:29:25 PM PST by hellinahandcart
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To: Tall_Texan
As a cinima example with a bit of humor, look at the Mother and Father of the Bride in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". Nothing works without respect for your role in amarriage and respect for the other person's role in the marrage.

I think the word manipulation is too strong. By that logic, giving a woman gold jewelry is manipulation.
272 posted on 01/06/2004 2:30:06 PM PST by longtermmemmory (Vote!)
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To: JohnHuang2; All
Back to the original title...ahem.

From the day we were married, up and until now, there hasn't ever been one time, or one meal that I have served my husband that he hasn't said "Thank you, honey"..

It's the little things that count.

sw

273 posted on 01/06/2004 2:31:04 PM PST by spectre (Spectre's wife (If a person is looking for "perfection" it ain't out there people..)
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To: chris1
Amen. It is very tough.
274 posted on 01/06/2004 2:31:20 PM PST by rintense
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To: rintense
That's why I'm still single. ;) Still looking for something real and true, not simply convenient.

I dare say if you considered the possibility your definition of "real and true" were more subjective than you currently believe, you'd be taking a turn for the better.

It's not a perfect analogy, but I've always said a woman discussing with a man is like a man arm-wrestling with a woman. A "win" in either case is of questionable value.

275 posted on 01/06/2004 2:36:10 PM PST by Woahhs
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To: January24th; All
FOLLOWING ae some books I'd recommend in the middles of these issues or at least related significantly to these issues.

I like James Dobson because I've met him and find him to be authentic if a bit . . . perfectionistic in some contexts. I think he's mellowed over time and I believe his writings are among the best on the subjects of family and marriage as well as male/female relationships.

He's at least real and candid. But, he speaks from a lot of personal experience and tons of counseling experience.

Blessings,



IN addition to

ATTACHMENT . . . by Tim Clinton and Gary Sibcy

and

WHAT WIVES WISH THEIR HUSBANDS KNEW ABOUT WOMEN, others of value by James Dobson [Some seem to be available in Spanish and a few in Chinese and German] are:




Straight Talk: What Men Need to Know, What Women Should Understand
by: James C. Dobson
July, 1991




Love For a Lifetime : Building a Marriage that Will Go the Distance
by: Dr. James Dobson
March, 2000




For Couples in Love
by: James Dobson
June, 2002




Love Must Be Tough : New Hope for Marriages in Crisis
by: Dr. James Dobson
January, 2004




Seven Promises Of A Promise Keeper
by: Jack Hayford, Gary Smalley, Charles R. Swindoll, Max Lucado, Crawford Loritts, Isaac Canales, Howard G. Hendricks, Bill Bright, James Dobson, Luis Palau
22 July, 1999




Straight Talk To Men
by: James Dobson
06 June, 2000




Night Light: Devotional Thoughts for Couples
by: James, Dr Dobson, Shirley Dobson, James C. Dobson
April, 1902




Love for a Lifetime: Building a Marriage That Will Go the Distance
by: James Dr Dobson




Romantic Love: Using Your Head in Matters of the Heart
by: James C. Dobson, Gospel Light Publications
May, 1997




Romantic Love: How to Be Head Over Heels and Still Land on Your Feet
by: James Dobson
January, 2004




Prayers for a Lifetime : A Couples Guide to Intimacy with God and Each Other
by: Dr. James Dobson
August, 2004




Straight Talk to Men : Timeless Principles for Leading Your Family
by: Dr. James Dobson
January, 2004




Marriage at Its Best
by: Dr. James Dobson
July, 1990




Dr. James Dobson on States of a Woman's Life
by: James, Dr. Dobson, Jean Lush
February, 1994




The Feminine Factor: The Effects of Premenstrual Tension and Hormone Imbalance
by: James Dobson
April, 1985




Men in Mid Life Crisis
by: James Dobson
April, 1985




How to Reconcile a Marriage/Audio Cassette
by: James C. Dobson
December, 1987




Life On The Edge Trusting God When Life Goes Wrong
by: James Dobson
08 January, 2001




Prescription for a Tired Homemaker
by: James Dodson, Pale, James C. Dobson
August, 1982




THEY SHOULD all be available at his website . . . let me see if I can get the link . . .

http://family.org/


276 posted on 01/06/2004 2:38:10 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: JohnHuang2
Loved the post. I printed it off and then tried to read it to the wife. She heard about the book and took off with her fingers in her ears saying "NAAAANAAAANAAA I can't hear you. NAAANAAAANAAA" With me chasing behind reading the excerpts. The kids just looked us like we were nuts.
I am so lucky I married my best friend.
277 posted on 01/06/2004 2:41:00 PM PST by IrishCatholic (Owned and operated since 1992.)
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To: GeronL
Ah well . . . have had a lifelong difficulty in detecting the difference between joking and sarcasm and meant statements.

278 posted on 01/06/2004 2:42:03 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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To: Woahhs
It isn't about winning, really. It's about finding someone who shares the same values, morals and ideals.
279 posted on 01/06/2004 2:42:50 PM PST by rintense
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To: MrsEmmaPeel
Haven't read them but know many people have been helped by them.

Thanks.
280 posted on 01/06/2004 2:42:55 PM PST by Quix (Particularly quite true conspiracies are rarely proven until it's too late to do anything about them)
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