That Parent-Child Conversation Is Becoming Instant, and Online

NYT via Excite News ^ | January 3, 2004 | JOHN SCHWARTZ

[leadpencil1]

Its here to stay so if your kids are using it, get online and chat with them.

[Support Free Republic]

Rank	Location	Receipts	Donors/Avg		Freepers/Avg		Monthlies
39	Vermont	10.00	1	10.00	29	0.34	49.00	5

Thanks for donating to Free Republic!

Move your locale up the leaderboard!

[hellinahandcart]

I hatehatehate instant messages. It's one reason I was glad to drop AOL, way back when. Who knew there were so many serial pesterers out there?

[SamAdams76]

Not only is it here to stay but it is about to make distance virtually meaningless. Through wireless PDAs (though they will be called something else by then), you will be able to communicate with anybody in the world in real time - not just with text but through video and audio as well. That is, you could have a son living 3,000 miles away but you could still talk to him and his family on a daily basis - as if they lived right down the street.

[leadpencil1]

I never really hated it like it seems you do. Anyone who messages me whom I do not have saved in my buddy list generates a pop up asking me if I want to talk to so and so. If I don't recognize the name, I deep six it. Doesn't happen that much, say once or twice a month.

On the plus side, I talk to my kids when they get home from school, tell my wife when I am leaving the office, and in general, stay in touch or stay available to people I care about or work with (two different things for sure) even though I am not physically present.

BTW, did you see the great pics from the party!

[leadpencil1]

I think you are right and it wont be long.

[leadpencil1]

It's one reason I was glad to drop AOL, way back when

By the way, one need not be an AOL subscriber (I hate AOL as well) to use AOL's IM product.

[fml]

--Not only is it here to stay but it is about to make distance virtually meaningless.--

Yes, but the distance the article refering to is about 20 feet. I think it's sad.

[hellinahandcart]

Anyone who messages me whom I do not have saved in my buddy list generates a pop up asking me if I want to talk to so and so.

Exactly. The pop-up and the accompanying sound is an interruption and an annoyance.

I can see the attraction they hold for kids though. When I was their age, I had a phone growing out of my ear. If I was a kid now, I'd have a phone, a pager, and multiple IM windows open at the same time.

[hellinahandcart]

BTW, did you see the great pics from the party!

Yes, I did, you photogenic thing, you...

[leadpencil1]

Yes, but the distance the article refering to is about 20 feet. I think it's sad.

IMO,it would be sad if it was the only way you talked to you kids (or whoever), but IM chat in many cases is conversation that would not be taking place otherwise which makes it incremental, which is a good thing.

[independentmind]

Although it might seem lazy or silly to send electronic messages instead of getting out of a chair and walking into the next room, some psychologists say that the role of the technology within families can be remarkably positive. In many cases, they say, the messages are helping to break down the interpersonal barriers that often prevent open communication.

Pardon me if I'm somewhat skeptical of this claim. The best interpersonal communication requires eye contact.

[leadpencil1]

Yes, I did, you photogenic thing, you...

au contraire

[leadpencil1]

The best interpersonal communication requires eye contact.

Agreed. See post 9.

[fml]

I agree. Interpersonanal? It's computer communication, not very personal at all.

[raybbr]

Teenagers already use online communications to take on difficult topics with one another, said Katelyn McKenna, a research assistant professor in psychology at New York University. Preliminary results from a study she conducted last year, she said, suggest that "they are able to talk with one another about issues that bother them more readily online than when they are talking face to face."

This is nuts! If these people had started out talking to their children and being honest with them they wouldn't have to talk "openly" with them through the computer.

[leadpencil1]

I don't think its too far off the mark, IMHO. It could be a problem if people prefer to use IM as the only way to discuss issues with their children, but thats probably not whats happening most of the time. I do agree that if you have a crappy relationship with you kids, IM will not help you solve any communciation problem. But if its healthy to start with, IM'ing them wont hurt it either.

[Rebelbase]

IM is irreplaceable for me in keeping up with my kids when they are at their mom's house a couple of days a week. From the short, "Hows it going", "Did you finish your homework", "heading out,love you, talk later", check-in type messages to long drawn out conversations its a daily thing for us.....With 3 computers in different rooms of my house it saves on yelling too!

I've found that one of my sons is much more open and comfortable about sensitive issues in his personal life when talking through IM than when we're face to face....conversations that I never dreamed I could have had with my parents.

He even has text messageing on his mobile phone. I sent him the following message the other night: "If you want cereal tonight bring home some milk". He came strolling in the door at 11:00pm with a gallon and his first words to me were "You owe me $4"......Gotta love him!

[leadpencil1]

Same experience here with my two teens. There is also the benefit of getting some insight into your teen's friends with the message logging features of IM ;-)