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Dean Connects With Indian Group (Humor)
Self | January 2, 2004 | Sloth

Posted on 01/02/2004 12:34:27 PM PST by Sloth

[SIOUX CITY, IA] -- Vermont Governor Howard Dean, presumptive front-runner for the Democratic presidential nomination, made a brief campaign stop at yesterday's monthly conference of the Western Iowa Association of Indian-Americans. Chairman Sanjeev Sharma, M.D., and Vice Chairman Naveen Kumar commenced the meeting with some introductory remarks about the upcoming caucuses, Bobby Jindal's recent gubernatorial race in Louisiana and the outsourcing of technical employment to India-based firms.

Shortly thereafter, Governor Dean appeared from behind a curtain sporting buckskin pants, war paint and what appeared to be a child's plastic headdress. The Governor enthusiastically saluted the crowd with the Atlanta Braves' "Tomahawk chop" and an improvised rain dance.

"How. It heap big honor, be here with you," Dean began. "Me thank you and Great Spirit for chance to have pow-wow." Dean smiled and bowed to Sharma, saying, "You great medicine man. Me medicine man, too. Me proud to call you kemosabe."

"Me here on sad occasion, " the governor continued, turning to face the crowd. "Big chief Bush, him send heap many braves and squaws, fight in Iraq. Many braves and squaws scalped. If me big chief, no braves and squaws die. Me smoke-um peace pipe with Iraq."

The candidate then turned to domestic issues. "Me made chief of Vermont tribe many moons ago. Me heap experienced with budget process and fiscal mechanisms. If me big chief, me give you much wampum! Big chief Bush give no wampum, make squaws and papooses starve. Bush no help braves stop drinking firewater."

"Indians good," Mr. Dean concluded. "Dean good. Bush bad. May Great Spirit bless America."

Reaction was mixed within the audience. WIAIA board member Vinaya Chandrasekhar, an immigrant from Jamshedpur who works as an engineering consultant, seemed somewhat put out by the brevity and simplicity of Dean's message. "I do not understand why he said the things he did. I do not think he properly understands our interests," she said.

In contrast, Greg Packer, a highway maintenance worker from New York (not a member of the group), was very supportive of the governor's statements. "Me think chief Dean right on. War bad. Bush bad. Dean good. Dean make-um heap good big chief."

After the speech, Dean spoke with reporters and elaborated on his campaign strategy. "I try to reach out to people where they are. I want to show every demographic that I'm sensitive to their concerns and needs. These people are America. They're who I am. I am an Indian. I'm a poor migrant farm worker. I'm a teenage incest victim who needs an abortion. I'm a gun-toting bigot. Yo soy una soccer mom. That's the message we're trying to get across."

The governor said he prepared for the visit by listening to Paul Revere & the Raiders' Indian Reservation during the drive from the airport.

Dean subsequently made several other stops in the tri-country area; at the last, a speech before a chapter of the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, he somberly recounted memories from his childhood. "I was watching a NASCAR game last week, and during half-time, I started thinking about how much I personally owe to organized labor. Growing up black in rural Mississippi was not easy. Before supper every night, Dick Gephardt's dad would remind our family that the union was the only reason there was food on our table."

"Me Howard Dean. Me next President of United States."


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: dean
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1 posted on 01/02/2004 12:34:27 PM PST by Sloth
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To: Sloth
That picture is from IBegForMoney.com? Is that Dean's fundraising site?
2 posted on 01/02/2004 12:38:54 PM PST by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
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To: Cicero
LOL, actually that's mine.
3 posted on 01/02/2004 12:39:51 PM PST by Sloth ("I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" -- Jacobim Mugatu, 'Zoolander')
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To: Sloth
You do good work.
4 posted on 01/02/2004 12:44:50 PM PST by gov_bean_ counter
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To: Sloth
Funniest post I think I've ever seen on Dean..... Bravo! Brilliant!

My favorite paragraph:

After the speech, Dean spoke with reporters and elaborated on his campaign strategy. "I try to reach out to people where they are. I want to show every demographic that I'm sensitive to their concerns and needs. These people are America. They're who I am. I am an Indian. I'm a poor migrant farm worker. I'm a teenage incest victim who needs an abortion. I'm a gun-toting bigot. Yo soy una soccer mom. That's the message we're trying to get across."

Too funny!

5 posted on 01/02/2004 12:45:32 PM PST by rightwingreligiousfanatic (Name a shrub after me......something prickly and hard to eradicate - Jack Aubrey)
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To: Sloth
I'm a teenage incest victim who needs an abortion. I'm a gun-toting bigot. Yo soy una soccer mom.

Priceless!

6 posted on 01/02/2004 12:46:04 PM PST by ClearCase_guy (France delenda est)
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To: Sloth
Nice job getting Greg Packer in there! :-)
7 posted on 01/02/2004 12:49:38 PM PST by JennysCool
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To: Sloth
LMAO...this is great!

Mind if I spread it around through e-mail? (Of course, all credit will go to you)
8 posted on 01/02/2004 12:50:36 PM PST by ItsOurTimeNow (Criswell - "And remember, my friends, future events such as these will affect you in the future.")
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To: ItsOurTimeNow
Sure, no problem.
9 posted on 01/02/2004 12:51:30 PM PST by Sloth ("I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" -- Jacobim Mugatu, 'Zoolander')
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To: Sloth
That didn't really happen.
10 posted on 01/02/2004 12:57:52 PM PST by JohnnyZ (Abolish the food tax)
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To: Sloth
I had to read well into the piece to convince myself it was satire.
11 posted on 01/02/2004 1:04:31 PM PST by luvbach1
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To: ClearCase_guy
Me have native American blood. Me no want you for Great White Father.
12 posted on 01/02/2004 1:06:43 PM PST by luvbach1
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To: luvbach1
Me no want Dean, that is.
13 posted on 01/02/2004 1:07:19 PM PST by luvbach1
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To: Sloth
shameless autobump
14 posted on 01/02/2004 1:14:23 PM PST by Sloth ("I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" -- Jacobim Mugatu, 'Zoolander')
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To: luvbach1
Me think his proper name be "Great Chief Flying Dodo".
15 posted on 01/02/2004 1:16:13 PM PST by Stonewall Jackson (Eagle Scout class of 1992.)
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To: Sloth
Ugh! Him speak with forked tongue.
16 posted on 01/02/2004 1:16:47 PM PST by F.J. Mitchell (I take great pride in my humility.)
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To: Sloth
Dang. I was reading in the third paragraph before it became clear to me that this had to be satire. Pretty good.
17 posted on 01/02/2004 1:18:55 PM PST by aBootes
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To: Sloth
You damn near had me in tears!

Keep 'em coming..

Perhaps your next one can involve the unemployed hippies that follow Dean around. You know, his core supporters. If so, be sure let me know.

~Corey (a huge fan of your art) }:-)
18 posted on 01/02/2004 1:20:31 PM PST by corlorde (Without the home of the brave, there would be no land of the free)
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To: Sloth
shameless autobump
19 posted on 01/02/2004 2:02:37 PM PST by Sloth ("I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" -- Jacobim Mugatu, 'Zoolander')
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To: Sloth
I'll bump it up for you.

The best part was Greg Packer.

20 posted on 01/02/2004 2:43:39 PM PST by Semper911 (For some people, bread and circus are not enough. Hence, FreeRepublic.com)
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