'Nair' Wins Billion Dollar Iraqi Contract

BFA ^

[Sir Gawain]

BAGHDAD - While France and Germany have decried a U.S. imposed ban bids on lucrative Iraqi rebuilding contracts except to coalition counties and those supporting the war in Iraq, Church & Dwight, Inc. the makers of the Nair line of hair removal products saw their stock triple just hours after they were awarded the exclusive contract. Competition was tense among Israeli-owned Mepro, the makers of the "Epilady" and the popular Australian product Nad's, an all natural waxing product featured on late night infommercials. "We are just so excited about what this means to not just Iraqi women, but also their husbands, their boyfriends and most importantly, our American stockholders," Church & Dwight CEO Howard Malley said. "While I feel bad for those excluded from the bidding, I'm buying a Gulfstream jet tomorrow so I don't really care that much." Russia and France had the most to lose by the announcement, with billions spent yearly on female hair removal products and very few untapped markets left in the world. "If the French spent a little less time selling overpriced perfume and arms to our enemies and a little more time worrying about bikini lines, maybe things would be different," Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz said Friday. "Besides, hair removal products only work if you actually bathe beforehand." As a show of goodwill, Wolfowitz offered France, Germany and Russia the semi-lucrative Iraqi hottub and aboveground swimming pool rebuilding market.		U.S. manufacturers of 'Nair' beat out Israeli-owned Epilady for the lucrative Iraqi hair removal business.

[Sir Gawain]

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[TomServo]

Nair or not. There aren't enough veils in the world that can cover up all that ugly.

[TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig]

Nads is bad stuff. My wife dropped the jar of it after heating it in the microwave and it splashed all across our kitchen wall. I had to use a heat gun and a few other tools to remove it without damaging the sheetrock.

[Gatún(CraigIsaMangoTreeLawyer)]

Gads...I take it you're still married (I hope).

[Cobra64]

I'd bet the guys who captured and cleaned up Sad Heusein used about a quart of this stuff.

Also, they need to market it in the family-size 55 gallon drums per hovelhold so the family can fill up a bathtub and jump right in.

Then neutralize the foaming effects on their skin by rubbling down in an ammonia Clorox mix laced with moth balls.

Sure beats Sad's previous acid bath alternative.

</sarcasm)

[TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig]

Yes. She puts up with my sister on the holidays and I deal with the nads, epilady, and anything else she uses to remove hair.

It's more than a fair trade

[BenLurkin]

Say, is that the same "Bob from Accounting" that takes the "temporary" jobs?

[Britton J Wingfield]

I dunno, a buddy of mine just got back from Iraq, and he says the Iraqi women that they had for translators were HOT.

[Gatún(CraigIsaMangoTreeLawyer)]

It's more than a fair trade.

Yes, I agree. I also think it's a fair trade.

[visualops]

They need to get to work on those sideburns.

[maestro]

'Nair' Wins Billion Dollar Iraqi Contract

Wow!

Next 'Playboy' will feature The Iraqi Centerfold editions!

(A 'Country Music/Cowboy Singing Special'...?)

/sarcasm

[DJtex]

Is this Breaking News or Humor. It doesn't seem to be much of either.

[muir_redwoods]

Never mind. It's just too easy.

[rickmichaels]

WTF??? Is that thing female???

[Ed_NYC]

This is one!

[visualops]

Yep lol

Google images for "hair removal". Scary. (and hairy)

[mercy]

OK. This is very good but you need a 'before' pic to go with the beautiful eyes. I don't need to tell you where to get that pic do I?

[PLMerite]

"Google images for "hair removal". Scary. (and hairy)"

Scairy ?

[PLMerite]

"I dunno, a buddy of mine just got back from Iraq, and he says the Iraqi women that they had for translators were HOT."

How long had he been there? After a while in a place like that the *sheep* start to look good.