Discussion with an anti-gun Mother-in-Law

Michael Pelletier ^ | December 25, 2003 | Michael Pelletier

[mvpel]

The other day, while my mother-in-law was visiting having a look at the house my wife and I are purchasing, she noticed the sidearm I was carrying.

Her eyes went wide, she was struck speechless, and she privately conveyed to my wife outside of my presence that my firearm is not welcome in her house.

I plan to discuss this with her this afternoon when we go out there, and would welcome any suggestions for this conversation from any of you who might have had similar discussions with family members.

They live in a rural area in the Berkshires of Massachusetts, and this ties in to some of the questions I intend to ask of her:

"What is your plan for defending my family should the unthinkable happen, when the police are 20 minutes away at least? What if they cut the phone line?"

"You have a fire extinguisher under your sink, I noticed."

"How would you deal with a bear attack, considering that there are bears in the area?"

I've got articles about fatal bear attacks and outdated (1997-98) Massachusetts crime statistics for her town and county, showing a steady stream of burglaries.

One of her concerns may also be that I'll be incapable of keeping the firearm out of the reach of the children who will be visiting, so perhaps I'll examine her storage techniques for the various poisonous household chemicals and comment on that.

I'd really like to avoid burning bridges, and I would sincerely like her to come around, even grudgingly, to my point of view (though that may be hoping against hope) so I need to insure that I stay respectful, reasonable, and sympathetic during the discussion. She was raised in New York City and she probably doesn't recognize firearms as tools of defense, but as symbols of crime and destruction.

Thanks for any suggestions and stories you might have!

[FreeperinRATcage]

Take her to the range...let her shoot and that should help dispel the deamon myth about guns.

[Servant of the 9]

Just tell her you won't be coming to her house, and that idiots are not welcome in yours.

Good luck on the divorce if you do.

So9

[Ol' Sox]

My FRiend, please be aware that your license to carry in New Hampshire is NOT reciprocated in Massachussetts. A handgun in Massachussetts may earn you a mandatory one-year sentence. I live in Connecticut and cannot bring my handgun to my sister's house in Massachussetts because of this.

[Gorzaloon]

I have found it pretty hard to get through to people like that, but sometimes they can surprise you with a sudden about-face. My wife and I know a lawyer couple who always thought the "correct" way, as taught by the Boston Globe. But after 9-11, they were so so sure of themselves, and became curious. We took them to the range, finally, and it developed that one of them has quite a natural talent. First magazine, 4 out of five in the black with my 1911 at 50 feet! So it looks like I am going to go broke reloading for them.

However, another couple proved intractable. We were going to their house for dinner, and they had e-mailed us, "Leave your shooting irons at the door". So we took a burlap bag and filled it with iron pipes, and when they opened the door we dropped the sack on the doorstep, with loud clanking noises. They did become curious enough to look inside, eventually. Maybe there is hope for them.

[Ditter]

People who were not raised around guns are often terrified at the sight of them. Considering her background, I don't really see much hope of changing her mind. Best of luck tho'.

[Gorzaloon]

My FRiend, please be aware that your license to carry in New Hampshire is NOT reciprocated in Massachussetts. A handgun in Massachussetts may earn you a mandatory one-year sentence. I live in Connecticut and cannot bring my handgun to my sister's house in Massachussetts because of this.

But Massachusetts licensees can obtain a carry permit for NH by mail for $20 or so with a photocpy of their Massachusetts carry license. And NH does have reciprocity with many other states, so these two licenses should allow quite a bit of travel. I just got the application for the nonresident NH carry last month.

[mvpel]

I'm certainly aware of that, but thanks for the reminder. I do plan to apply for a license in Massachusetts, though I hear they're getting harder to come by for out-of-staters.

[Celtjew Libertarian]

If someone doesn't want a gun in their house, that's their right and should be respected. I don't have a problem with that.

It's people who insist that I don't have a gun in my house that I have problems with.

[Columbine]

This is your wife's mother and not just some crazy liberal that doesn't matter.

It's her house so, unless you perceive a real and immediate threat, I would say leave the sidearm in the car and be your most charming if you want a long and happy marriage.

Your wife will love you for not creating a problem with her mother and especially at Christmas.

However, when mom comes to your house you should wear it if that is what you normally do.

[mvpel]

I certainly appreciate that it's her right to bar guns from her home, but I'd still like to be able to visit my in-laws without having to stay in a motel, which is why I'm planning to discuss it with her.

[Ol' Sox]

I'm certainly aware of that, but thanks for the reminder.

You're welcome...just trying to keep everybody safe from the "gunstapo" in that cursed state. Best of luck in getting your MA carry license.

[DugwayDuke]

If there's to be a large number of people present, I would suggest that you might wish to postpone this discussion to another day. This has the potential to be an ugly confrontation and you might alienate a large number of folks. In addition, with a large number of people there, you will have difficulty controlling the conversation and steering it to the points you wish to make. You also run the risk of really pi**sing your wife off.

I would suggest that this conversation should be done on your turf, at your home, with only your mother in law (and spouse) present.

[pepsionice]

The best answer here is smile and agree with the mother-in-law...dropping any major argument...and keep your weapon in the trunk of car when you arrive. Ensure the wife knows this and doesn't say a word about this. This woman is barking up a tree...and this guy doesn't need to retreat or argue...he just needs to smile...make the family situation happy...and have a gun within 60 feet of himself.

[Maigrey]

You could ask her why is it that with all of the gun-control legislation that has been enacted in certain municipalities, why are those cities the ones with the highest crime rates? I asked my mother this, and she had no response for me.

As a given, when guns are taken out of the hands of law-biding citizens (either through law or legislation) the criminals know you are defenseless, and will target you more.

And, when she throws the statistic back at you with the number of gun-related fatalities, you could ask "Is that including or excluding suicides?" Statistics show that if you exclude suicide deaths, the gun mortality rate decreses roughly 50%.

Best of luck.

[patton]

I would not have this conversation, if I were you - let your MIL make the rules in her own house.

Just my .02 - worth what you paid for it.

[glockmeister40]

If it means the mother-in-law no longer comes over, I don't see where the problem is. Perhaps you need to get some more guns just in case. Carry them openly and display them conspicuously whenever she comes over.

A fire extinguisher? What moron thought this one up? If a bad guy comes into your house he has means to injure or kill you. It's you or him and it's better to be judged by twelve than carried by six.

Your mother in law probably won't be a beliver till she gets attacked or robbed. That usually makes even the most ignorant liberal a beliver.

BTW, you're probably going to need a rifle for the bear, or a slug gun. A pistol maybe, .44 mag or better. Bears are pretty tough.

[Spok]

My experience has been that when those who are fearful actually fire a gun, they're educated about the fact that guns can be handled safely and it is surprising how many people get a kick out of it. Of course, if she won't try, there's no hope. Where it's legal, with permit, etc., I carry absolutely concealed, even if I have to go to my pocket gun, a Chief's Special, so those around never know I'm carrying. In her house, however, her rules should prevail. Keep working on her to shoot, gently, and then let her try something tame, like a .22 or 9mm-not a mag.

[CIBGUY]

Simple enough. Don't bring a gun into her house. By the same token you can reciprocate by telling her she's not welcome in yours without packing a piece. (Heh, heh...Just joking)

[Brandon]

I certainly appreciate that it's her right to bar guns from her home, but I'd still like to be able to visit my in-laws without having to stay in a motel, which is why I'm planning to discuss it with her.

Don't do this to your wife, FRiend. Remember that she will be the one caught in the middle. Also, considering what Day it is, you might ponder Exodus 20:12.