For More People in 20's and 30's, Home Is Where the Parents Are

The New York Times ^ | December 22, 2003 | TAMAR LEWIN

[mtbopfuyn]

Ugh, heaven forbid if I ever had to live back home. MIL moved a couple blocks away but that's because we're the only ones who will take care of her when she needs it, but even those two blocks get a bit too close at times. There's nothing wrong with an emergency layover at the parents for a max. of 2 months but anything longer is just ridiculous. Those in the article need to be shown the door or at least not allowed in their childhood rooms until they fork over the rent and maid service payments.

[Ciexyz]

My cousin's husband walked out on her when their baby girl was a month old. She moved back in with her parents, was on welfare for awhile which paid for her two year degree at community college, after which she got a job. The grandparents raised the little girl, and my cousin and her daughter didn't move out to their own place until the child was a teenager and able to stay alone after school by herself.

[Cronos]

Well, that's what I mean, pay your way and what's the problem, a comfort for the parents and when THEY need extra cash, the kids SHOULD give it and the parents should expect it -- filial gratitude and all that.

[SaucyCranberry]

Your brother is much better off, as painful as that was for him. And you'll find your lady and make that beautiful family. The good ones are worth waiting for.

[visualops]

Maybe that's why you shouldn't "shop" for a wife... ;^)

[Wright is right!]

This is a VERY common scenario in ITALY - where single men can remain living at tehir parents' homes thru even their late 30's. They're called "mamones" (mah-MOH-nays) or "mama's boys" and there is absolutely zero stigma attached to it. See BS's "60 Minutes" did a feature segment on them back a year or two. The typical mamone is well-employed, has lots of friends, has a girlfriend, and many even have places of their own that they don't live in - until they get married. Their homes are often condos in the same building as their parents' or are within a couple of minutes walk from the parentals'. One guy they showed as 38, had a nice small villa that he owned and it was where he and his girlfriend hung out. But he lived at home, and the girlfriend often visited there, too.

The upshot is that by the time they get married, they've saved up enough to either pay off or buy in cash their own residences.

Michael

[HitmanLV]

This is nothing. Us Italians have been doing this for years! ;-)

[visualops]

I think it is a great thing if it is used as an opportunity to spring forward, not as a crutch for people who don't want to grow up.

Exactly. Nowadays though all too often it seems a crutch.

[riri]

Yeah, basically the only two upsides I can think of to marrying an Italian man are: dark hair and skin and big italian family with lots of good food at celebratory type get togethers.

[xrp]

figure of speech

[Cogadh na Sith]

He treated her like a queen, but she made up her mind and dumped him in the course of a weekend. No discussion, no warning, nothing. The reason? She didn't feel like she had "lived enough" yet to get married. It devestated him, but by now we both know he is much better off without such a shallow, confused b***h...

Huh... That's exactly what my (1st) wife did to me. Same thing, same words.

From what I've seen, these types are the rule rather than the exception.

I'll only get married again if the father pays me a dowry to take the selfish, uncontrolled creature out of his house and agrees to kill her 'for family honor' if she leaves me for such a stupid reason. (yes, I'm kinda kidding, but I see why such things exist.)

[bigeasy_70118]

But hey, don't let my story interrupt all the sweeping generalizations. I know they are a lot of fun.

If the article was filled with stories from the posters on this thread, I don't think anyone would have problem with adult children moving back in with their parents to take care of them or even on a temporary basis after divorce or prolonged unemployment.

However, in this article, Mrs. Navarro is essentially providing maid services to her adult son. She is probably approaching 60 and is simply being taken advantage of. As pointed out before, there's no mention of rent being paid and these people seem to have a real lack of overall life plan both short term and long term.

Further, the article views living with your parents into your thirties (and having your Mom as a maid) as an acceptable lifestyle choice. It is for people who need to care for a relative or are found jobless. But the converse is the people profiled in the article who have their parents taking care of them. When are these people going to take some responsibility?

I am friends with some folks like those profiled in the article. As I progress through my life, getting a grad degree, starting a business, getting married, buying house I am finding I have less and less to discuss with them.

[radiohead]

not really parasites< if they pay their way> besides> this is the way families used to live until the industrial revolution __ a pretty long time

I agree. My 20 something is home w/me. As a widow, I have to say I appreciate a male (an armed male) around the house. He works, he pays rent, does his own laundry, pays his student loans, and wouldn't think of having his friends stay overnight w/o asking me.

We have a good partnership, but that's because I'm still the parent. I don't expect any mouth or mess in my own house.

And, as I've told him, you don't like it here, you can always leave. I'll help you pack. But, if they don't want to leave, I think you have every right to set the rules in your own home and expect them to be obeyed. Adult children who don't want to follow the rules should be given 2 weeks to find an apartment and shown the door.

And yes, I often make his lunch. No biggie, and at least I know he's eating decent food. : ) (it's a mom thing)

[cyborg]

Why do people consider kids who live with their parents parasites? My mom is also a widow, and other than my dog, she'd have no company. I live with her and share house expenses,etc. almost like flat sharing except my flatmate is a big ole nag.

In her country, kids get married, they add on a house to their parents' house and so on. The family stays close together which makes sense to me.

[radiohead]

almost like flat sharing except my flatmate is a big ole nag.

LOL!!! Where have I heard that before??

[cyborg]

from your kids?? :D

[Hemingway's Ghost]

A single guy, are you?

[PISANO]

Makes me ill........most of our society seems to think that if it's TOUGH it must be avoided. Cradle to Grave care is all that these parasites understand. What the hell is happening to our country. Unfortunately I believe this is the NORM and not the exception.

[riri]

I have entered bizarro world. Rush was talking about this on his show today. He said they are starting to call the ages of like 18-30--"transitional adulthood". This is insane. For criminy's sake, people are starting to show signs of aging at 30. I know balding people and people who where greying at 30. And now it is a question if someone is an adult yet?

Then some 30 something corporate pilot who still lives with his mommy and daddy called in. Apparently, if he rented his own place and paid all the other supporting bills--that would eat up close to 50% of his take home pay!! Can you believe that-half of his take home would go to providing himself with a place to live. Yeah, pal it's called reality.

I guess then he couldn't buy a bunch of status objects and $5 cups of coffee to impress everyone with.

This is insane. It is beyond insane. Well, when it comes time to fight the Chinese guess who we'll be sending in? Mom and Dad. The balding, fat 33 year old surfing porn over there on the computer because he hasn't had sex in 12 years--since he stopped dating girls at the age where they will still have sex in the car--he's still in transitional adult stage. Check back with the draft notice in ten years.

[radiohead]

from your kids??

kid...kid. one's enough.