For More People in 20's and 30's, Home Is Where the Parents Are

The New York Times ^ | December 22, 2003 | TAMAR LEWIN

[Jim Cane]

You are lucky to find a woman both wise and committed.

[Tax-chick]

If any of my kids grow up to be liberals, they wouldn't be welcome to stop with us for long :-).

[New Horizon]

I loved my parents more than anything, but as soon as I could afford to, I moved out and enjoyed life on my terms. There's a certain pride in knowing that you're taking care of yourself, at least for some people, that is.

This mindset makes absolutely no sense to me.

[Daus]

Mr. Navarro is no loser

I quit reading right after this line. Trust me... he's a loser.

[<1/1,000,000th%]

Mr. Navarro is no loser...

Hee hee hee hee...

[<1/1,000,000th%]

There is so much wrong with these people.

"This way, when you do finally settle down, you're really ready, and you don't wake up at 33, married with two kids and a house, and trapped, like `How did this happen?' and `What did I do with my life?' "

This one wants to wake up at 53 with these questions ???

What if she doesn't live to see her kids reach 18 ???

[Mr. Jeeves]

I lived with my mother in her house until she died last year when I was 38, for several reasons. In the beginning she was somewhat disabled, a condition that later turned into debilitating congestive heart failure. She could not support herself financially, and in later years couldn't care for herself much at all. During that time I was always employed full time, and in later years became VP of Software Development for a leading investment management firm, a position I still hold today. I spent zero time partying with friends, dating (I'm still not married), traveling or living a self-indulgent lifestyle - between working long hours and taking care of my mother, there wasn't much time to be a loser.

But hey, don't let my story interrupt all the sweeping generalizations. I know they are a lot of fun.

[riri]

This one wants to wake up at 53 with these questions

LOL. And he-she will. You see them all around you, first child at age, say, 39.

[riri]

Completely different scenario.

[cruiserman]

Mr. Navarro is no loser

Really?

[immykidsmom]

Well...I too started working at age 12. We were never given an allowance as kids; my parents thought that all family members should be expected to help out without expecting to be rewarded. I worked all through college and moved away after graduation. I came home two years later after I was offered a job in my hometown. I lived in my parent's house for about a year, while saving money for a down payment on a house. I cooked, cleaned, did most of the laundry and really got to know my parents as people. My sister moved back while she got her master's. What is the point of paying rent using student loans if you can save that money? If you look back, it is really only in the last 75 years or so that most people have left the nest for good at 18. Young people used to live with their parents until they were married. I think it is a great thing if it is used as an opportunity to spring forward, not as a crutch for people who don't want to grow up.

[CajunConservative]

I lived with my mother in her house until she died last year when I was 38, for several reasons. In the beginning she was somewhat disabled, a condition that later turned into debilitating congestive heart failure. She could not support herself financially, and in later years couldn't care for herself much at all. During that time I was always employed full time, and in later years became VP of Software Development for a leading investment management firm, a position I still hold today. I spent zero time partying with friends, dating (I'm still not married), traveling or living a self-indulgent lifestyle - between working long hours and taking care of my mother, there wasn't much time to be a loser.

But hey, don't let my story interrupt all the sweeping generalizations. I know they are a lot of fun.

I did that for both of my parents, they were divorced and each had poor health. Since I was the only single daughter the rest of the family more or less put the responsibility on my shoulders. With my mother, for a year she had to travel 400 miles three times a week for physical therapy and I did it. I was 24 at the time. I willingly moved back home and cared for her because it was the right thing for me to do. After she died I moved to Hawaii for a few years to work and had the time of my life then.

I then wanted to finish college and I did move in with my grandmother because she lived one mile from school and did not want to move into a nursing home. I worked while in school, I was there to make sure she turned off the gas and did her errands for her and gave her that one wish to stay in her home until she died.

Then my father became disabled after being hit by a drunk driver and there weren't enough nursing home facilities willing to put up with his behaviors in the state ;) I eventually had to move in with him because of several choking events and his mental state. I will tell you right now that was the most difficult job I could have ever worked. Yes I could have put him in a nursing home, but as a christian and a conservative I believe that families should take care of their own. I had been estranged from my father for years but there was a bible verse that kept coming back to me and that was "Children honor your parents." He was able to make peace with all of his children before he died in April of this year.

For me it was the right thing to do and it did pay off in a way because my siblings gave me my father's house and I started up my own business providing non medical home care for the elderly and am doing quite well.

[freedumb2003]

If I ever have a kid, if he's not building his own log cabin by the age of 12, I'm shooting him.

And he damned well better know the difference between a Zygote and a Gamete!

[11th_VA]

I joined the service when I was 17, and my daughter wanted to leave when she was three - must be in the genes...

[Charles H. (The_r0nin)]

I especially take exception at the comment by the twenty-eight-year-old Ms. Levy. As I am 33, married (12 years) have two children and the only time I feel trapped is when I have to watch live events on CNN Intl' and pray they don't open their mouths.

And I am 33, never married, with no kids, and I definately wish that I was married and had the kids. The only problem is that the vast majority of the young women today are just like Ms. Levy...

(Case in point: My brother had his fiancee of two years break up with him about six months before the planned wedding. He treated her like a queen, but she made up her mind and dumped him in the course of a weekend. No discussion, no warning, nothing. The reason? She didn't feel like she had "lived enough" yet to get married. It devestated him, but by now we both know he is much better off without such a shallow, confused b***h...)

[KC_Conspirator]

A consolation might be that Harry Truman lived at Bess's parents home when he was 33, so its not too late for anyone.

[riri]

A consolation might be that Harry Truman lived at Bess's parents home when he was 33, so its not too late for anyone

am I wrong to assume it was a sprawling estate of some sort and not a 2,500 square foot box on a 70,000 square foot lot?

[T Minus Four]

In our family, the kids are given a lovely set of matched luggage for their 18th birthdays.

[Ciexyz]

I didn't see any mention of these young boarders paying rent. When I got a full time job after college, my parents discussed with me the necessity of paying rent (in addition to the chores that I had been doing.) That seemed reasonable to me, and we had that arrangement till I found my own apartment a few years later.

[mtbopfuyn]

3. It is difficult to support oneself and a family nowadays on a "normal" job. Because "everybody" works, it often takes two incomes to comfortably support two people. Thirty-five years ago, many more jobs were capable of supporting a family. Not today.

Contrary to popular belief, no one promised them a rose garden. We're a one income family and Mr. M has a "normal" job. Actually, he's a state employee so is making below "normal" income. We're managing. It's in the prioritizing - long work hours vs. family life and knowing your kids.