[Eris]

You're starting with the official Festivus airing of the grievances early.

[Hacksaw]

You're starting with the official Festivus airing of the grievances early.

But how are we going to do the "Feats of Strength" over the internet?

[GluteusMax]

A primer for Festivus celebrations

The Festivus Pole:

Not a tree, a pole. No decorations. Tinsel is very distracting from the true meaning of the holiday. The pole is tall, silver, hollow, long, skinny, and heavy.

The Airing of Grievances:

This is the part of the holiday where you tell your family and friends all the ways they have disappointed you during the year.

The Feats of Strength:

This is the time during the celebration where the head of the family tests his strength against one lucky person. Festivus is not over until the head of the family is pinned. You are allowed to decline only if you have something to do instead.