A Zot-Wing Christmas

VikingKittensTotallyRule.com | J. Random Overlord

[a merry little christmas day]

Have yourself a locked and loaded Christmas
keep your ammo dry
From now on our crusade will intensify

Have yourself a merry, gun-crazed Christmas
make those bad guys pay
Soon we'll all be shouting "Go on make my day"

Through the years we all will be together
for our final fight
Charlie Heston tells us it's our God-given right
So have yourself a locked and loaded Christmas Night.

... click me ...

[Constitution Day]

(source): "VikingKittensTotallyRule.com | J. Random Overlord"

Heh. I love it!

[Snowy]

This is old, gut it's good. :)

http://www.themarksman.com/goreinch.html

HOW THE GOREinch STOLE THE ELECTION

Every Who down in Who-ville thought laws meant a lot...
But the GOREinch who wished to rule Who-ville did NOT!

The GOREinch was a liar, he lied without reason!
He made up wild stories the whole voting season.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be he simply just wasn't too bright.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that he just had no ethics at all.

But whatever the reason,
His ethics or brains,
He stood there on voting day, dreaming of gains.
While the voters were choosing with each little push
of a button, they gave the election to Bush.

For he knew every Who down in Who-ville below,
would give his career a right jolly heave-ho.
"They're punching their ballots" he sneered with a sneer.
"And tomorrow its final, it's practically here!"
Then he growled with his GOREinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to stop justice from coming!"

For tomorrow he knew,
All the women and men,
Would wake bright and early and turn on CNN.
And then! Oh the noise! The Republican cheers!
We're Democrat-free, if just for four years.
Then the Whos young and old, would sit down to a feast,
And toast a Republican toast at the least.
They would toast to the truth and to lower taxation,
Two subjects that gave the GOREinch great vexation.

Then he got an idea!
An illegal idea.
The GOREinch got a slimy illegal idea!

"I know just what to do" The GOREinch looked at the clock.
And he beckoned his lawyers from under their rocks.
He plotted and thought, then he thought and he plotted,
They connived and conspired with brains most besotted.

All I need's an excuse...
The GOREinch looked around.
But excuses were scarce, there were none to be found.
The law was quite clear, but the GOREinch simply said.
"If I can't find a reason I'll invent one instead!"

So he called CNN as the others would follow,
He gave them a script which was all rather hollow.
"Dispense with the truth, tell a lie and repeat it"
"If they hear it enough then those suckers will eat it"

Tell make-believe stories to all you can reach,
and tell of the morons who live in Palm Beach.
We won't call them 'stupid' or names that will linger,
Even though they could be on the next Jerry Springer.

Then he loaded some bags like a loser demented,
With thousands of ballots though no law consented.
And proceeded to handle them, changes were simple,
Making up rules about doubles and dimples.
Just dislodge a few chads and the numbers start changing,
Invent a new rule if they need re-arranging.

So the GOREinch grab the ballots and started to cheat,
When he heard a small noise sounding quite like defeat.
He turned around fast, it was Katherine Harris,
Who held up the law... and the GOREinch was embarassed!
The GOREinch had been caught by this Florida daughter,
Who dumped on his plans a great bucket of water.

She stared at the GOREinch and said "Back it off, buster"
"I've read the law and this doesn't pass muster"
And the GOREinch had no answer, he knew it was true.
Without lies his political life would be through.

But the GOREinch was so slimy and ever so slick,
He thought up a lie and he thought it up quick.
"I'm not making changes" the old master lied
"Theres a chad on this ballot that's dislodged on one side"
"So I'm taking it home for my cronies to mount it"
"Then we'll bring it back here so we can re-count it"

And his fib made the news, which proceeded to sell it
Like snake-oil salesmen they continued to yell it.
Piling the lies just as high as a steeple,
and telling the world "Its the will of the people"

He stole enough votes to defraud the election,
Depriving the Whos of their right to selection.
Establishing precedent of the most dire sort,
Now every election will be handled in court.

This isn't a story that ends with a line
that the GOREinch will suddenly sprout enough spine
to concede that he lost and just step aside
He'll cheat and he'll lie till his last hope has died.

Only Whos can stand up for the Who-Constitution,
And bring this election to swift resolution.
By writing and calling, by shouting and faxing,
By holding to law in a grip unrelaxing.
For whatever your politics, all should be joined
in belief that the White House cannot be purloined.

[VRWCmember]

As a song parody, it's pretty lame. You left off the fourth line (So have yourself an armed and happy Christas day/night/now) on the first and second verses. Also, you forgot the bridge between the second and third verses:

I've prepared a bridge for you:

Here we are, with our homes secured,
And our aim is sure, and true.
Democrats who have hated us,
Are afraid of us, anew.

[eureka!]

Get used to it. At least 5 more years as the lamestream presstitutes and Rat party die long warranted, agonizing deaths--thanks to Al Gore for the 'net, talk radio, Karl Rove and the true Avenger of the Bones, W. Life is good and looking better....

[Admin Moderator]

Something like this?

[looscnnn]

No no no, guns send the bullets flying, the bullets cause injury and the injury kills the person. Don't need them to ban bullets, just injury. After all, people die from other injuries (caused by car accidents, motorcycle accidents, plane crashes, golf clubs, etc.).

[Charles Martel]

BTW, turkey, it's CHUCK Heston.

That would be MISTER Heston to the troll, no?

The Omega Man has quite the sense of humor, you know. He wrote a letter of thanks to MAD Magazine when they put a "Happy Holidays from the NRA" picture on the back cover, featuring him holding an assault rifle beneath what remained of Santa's "extra" reindeer (after the taxidermist was finished).

He probably got a laugh out of the following picture, too - from The Door magazine - at least it's more entertaining than the lame-o lyrics up above...

[Conspiracy Guy]

Conspiracy Guy keeping watch on a Troll Booth

[opus86]

That was beautiful. Irving Berlin couldn't have done it better.

[looscnnn]

And why is that? Don't want one?

[Conspiracy Guy]

Good job sir. Trolls are not very gifted and need our help.

[Constitution Day]

I think it's funny! :) However, I don't have a gun. :(

Awwww... just ask ol' Saint Nick for one, and all will be well.

[arasina]

Your "Santa" looks a little like a Muslim. I'm reporting you to the Diversity Police.

[alaskanfan]

I love these threads. They are so entertaining.

Bored to tears in an Alaska snowstorm.

[AnAmericanMother]

. . . and then, The Sequel . . .

'Twas the day after Christmas when Santa returned
He was looking quite happy, all trim and sunburned
His sleigh had been emptied, and I'll bet you're all guessin'
If he did the same thing to his borrowed Smith & Wesson

Well the fact of the matter is in need of reporting,
Like the press oughta do about Clinton's cavorting!
Seems Santa encountered some trouble 'long the way,
'Cause some not-too-bright dirtbags tried to hijack his sleigh

When he left Christmas Eve, he was ready for action
And he made real good time, thanks to reindeer hoof traction
He had rag dolls, and capguns, baseballs and bats.
New dresses, toy airplanes, and a few dogs and cats.

Seems these wannabe grinches thought they were hot shooters
So's a bunch of 'em tried to be Christmas gift looters
But the one thing they hadn't expected to meet
Was a licensed St. Nick, packin' full magnum heat.

The night was still young, when these dipwits appeared
Their caps all turned backwards; at least one had a beard.
They were trying to look vicious, as they stood in his path
He could tell in an instant that they needed a bath

One fool made a grab for Comet and Cupid,
But froze when St. Nick had yelled "Hold it, there, stupid!"
When he leveled my sixgun at this crazy-eyed fellow
The snow at his feet turned a pale shade of yellow

"It was over real quick," Santa said with a chuckle
As he hauled out my Smith from behind his belt buckle
"Never fired a shot, never pulled back the hammer
"Got the cops on my cell phone, and sent 'em all to the slammer"

After that much excitement, 'twas a rest Santa needed
So with his gift-giving, he quickly proceeded
And when he was finished, Santa issued this order:
"Rudolph, old pal, take us south of the border!"

So now he was rested, and this stop was his last one
And he made it real clear, that it must be a fast one
With my piece back in lockup, he said "Thanks for the loan
"Next year, rest assured, I'll be packin' my own"

And just what, did I wonder, might then Santa unlimber?
A Colt, Sig or Taurus, a Glock or a Kimber?
Perhaps Heckler & Koch, a Kahr or a Ruger?
A wheelgun from Rossi, a Walther or Luger?

"I'm not sure," replied Santa, as he scoped out the weather,
"But I'll contact your buddy, Mitch Rosen, for leather.
"And now, I must leave you, until late next December
"But Dave, I assure you, I will always remember

"You did me a favor, and that's one I owe you
"So when I get my own gat, I'll be certain to show you
"In the meantime, ol' buddy, I'll scream it, I'll shout it
"If you're licensed to carry, don't you leave home without it!"

[txhurl]

The more I think about it, if we would just repeal that unfair, selfish and discriminatory law of physics declaring that two objects cannot share the same space at the same time, bullets would cease to kill.

[hellinahandcart]

"Harold Angels"? LOL. Sounds like queer TV...

[VRWCmember]

Awwww... just ask ol' Saint Nick for one, and all will be well.

Unless he's a sissy-boy-afraid-of-guns-mall-Santa, in which case he'll say "You might put your eye out".

[sweetliberty]

"Same troll from yesterday, different name"

Thought I recognized him.

[rabidralph]

Thanks, for brightening my day. I loved the graphic, too. Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah.