Please Become More Selfish [Barf Alert]

Self-Marginalized S.F. Chronicle ^ | October 24, 2003 | Mark Morford

[Cultural Jihad]

Everyone wants to know what they can do to counteract.

Everyone wants to know how they can join the revolt and punch a hole in the toxic BushCo bubble and deflect the bloated dumbed-down Wal-Mart-ization of the culture, and resist being soaked all the way through to the bone with the sad notion that this country really is jammed to the blindly patriotic gills with misguided terrified fools and simpletons and gun nuts, drunk on rabid GOP spin and Adam Sandler movies and generic Paxil.

[mountaineer]

Should I move to Canada?

Oh no, that's too close, and Miss Morford would still be subjected to the agony that is the Bush administration. She might consider Afghanistan, Uganda, Rwanda - someplace that really could benefit from Missy's brilliance.

[TheBigB]

Heh heh. Wine and orgasms. Never fails. :) I look forward to the day we re-elect Bush and Morford is completely driven around the bend and reduced to a simpering, blubbering mess, with a bottle of wine in one hand and, well, probably himself in the other.

Schadenfreude. Gotta love it.

[boris]

Memo to self: reread Ayn Rand's The Virtue of Selfishness. Log onto Amazon and send author a gift copy.

--Boris

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

...meanwhile, countless ultraconservative shock pundits spew hate and rage and misinfo...

A whole lot-o hate in this article. Does the author consider him/her/itself an "ultraconservative shock pundit?"

Liberals are so full of hate it's unbelievable!

[facedown]

I see Markie has od'd again.

[tpaine]

"You think the divine wants you submissive and passive and mushy and pathetic? Bull. You wanna know God? Look in the mirror."
________________________________


Your hero CJ? --

[ArrogantBustard]

Meet the divine as an equal and rise up to it and match it and get it on,

Morford finally reveals the identity of her muse...

"your eyes shall be opened: and you shall be as Gods,"

Non Serviam, eh Markie?

[G L Tirebiter]

Robert Scheer with a lisp...

[Egon]

Ah, yes! Mr. M may not be a happy camper, but this article boosted my morale! We must be doing something right!

You just keep sucking on your big toe, worshipping the guy in the mirror, and bending over in Yoga positions to suck your own ... and the world will be a much better place without you.

Thank you very much for this delightful load of drug-induced crap! I tend to look askance at any guy who uses the word "gorgeous" too liberally.

[ArrogantBustard]

Billy Joel wrote a song just for Miss Morford:

Captain Jack

by Billy Joel


Saturday night and you're still hangin' around
You're tired of livin' in your one horse town
You'd like to find a little hole in the ground
For a while...

So you go to the village in your tie-dye jeans
And you stare at the junkies and the closet queens
It's like some pornographic magazine
And you smile...

But Captain Jack will get you high tonight
And take you to your special island
Captain Jack will get you by tonight
Just a little push 'n' you'll be smilin'
La da da, Oh yeah, yeah

Your sister's gone out, she's on a date
And you just sit at home and masturbate
Your phone is gonna ring soon, but you just can't wait
For that call...

So you stand on the corner in your new English clothes
And you look so polished from your hair down to your toes
But still your fingers gonna pick your nose
After all...

But Captain Jack will get you high tonight
And take you to your special island
Captain Jack will get you by tonight
Just a little push 'n' you'll be smilin'
La da da, Oh yeah, yeah

So you decide to take a holiday
You got your tape deck and your brand new Chevrolet
Ah but there's no place to go anyway
And what for...

You've got everything but nothing's cool,
They've just found your father in the swimming pool
And you guess you won't be going back to school
Anymore...

But Captain Jack will get you high tonight
And take you to your special island
Captain Jack will get you by tonight
Just a little push 'n' you'll be smilin'
La da da, Oh yeah, yeah

So you play your albums and you smoke your pot
And you meet your girlfriend in the parking lot
Oh, but still you're aching for the things you haven't got
What went wrong...

And if you can't understand why your world is so dead
And why you've got to keep in style and feed your head
Well, you're twenty-one and still your mother makes your bed
and that's too long...

But Captain Jack will get you high tonight
And take you to your special island
Captain Jack will get you by tonight
Just a little push 'n' you'll be smilin'
La da da, Oh yeah, yeah
Yeah, Captain Jack will get you by tonight
Yeah, Captain Jack will get you by tonight

[GluteusMax]

You wanna know God? Look in the mirror.

Sorry Marky, I need a God that can do MORE than I can. (Incidentally, so do you, twink.)

discover that the god you seek is actually you, is your true Self, and beam that healthy sexy wet individual robustness out to your immediate world every day

Why do homos turn every issue into a sexual one? Just wondering.

Why George Plimpton and Edward Said and John Ritter and not, say, Karl Rove or John Ashcroft or that guy I read about who beats his dogs? Is that too much to ask?

Gotta love the TOLERANCE here. Wishing death upon "his" enemies....

stunned by the success of the GOP's steamroller of homophobia and intolerance

Yeah, yeah...

inflict, with a wink and a nod, screaming night sweats and instant burning death and/or sudden divine benign pagan awareness upon the war fanatics and the GOP monkeys and the ultra-Christian gay bashers and Lynne Cheney.

This freak needs some counseling. Serious mental heath. Has the whole freaky God-complex thing, aside from the obvious mental-illness. Whew, even Canada is too good for this guy.

[beckett]

A column about "hate" from a true expert.

[arkady_renko]

...bloated dumbed-down Wal-Mart-ization of the culture

OK, I am at a loss here. A few of my liberal friends are on this "Wal-Mart is evil" kick. What is it about?

A_R

[Pietro]

"Gotta love the TOLERANCE here. Wishing death upon "his" enemies...."

You're right about that. I've been on FR since before the bj impeachment and I can honestly say that I can't recall any Freeper ever wishing for bj's or hitlery's death. Ever.

Of course, Jim Rob would have booted them instantly but that merely shows he, Jim Rob, has better editorial control at FR than the liberal losers at the SF Criminal.

[sergeantdave]

I'm not sure if this fellow wants to fight, move closer to the Prozac factory or is channeling Fred Flintstone on white lotus dreams.

[T.Smith]

How does a person who writes like that take themselves seriously? Does he think he's still writing for his high school poetry journal? Irrespective of the message, I could not read the whole thing because it's just so tedious and a pain in the butt to read.

[T Minus Four]

Read Atlas Shrugged

[RichInOC]

Mark, If I had super-cool "Bewitched"-like superpowers, I'd wiggle my nose and make you take loads of heinous chemicals every night after work, run up to the Castro, and ensconce yourself in the sling at a particularly skanky club, naked, with the Krispy Kreme "Hot Now" sign tattooed on your skinny white ass...uh, wait a minute, you do all that anyway. My bad. Carry on.

[jmc813]

This is the dumbest article I've read in months. The so-called "mainstream" Chronicle allows their columnists to use terms such as "BushCo" and "goddamned"?