And someone to point out a new-bulb-changer's earliest bulb-changing date: "Bulb-changer since 10-23-2003"
Plus someone to complain that, as a long-time bulb changer, his bulb-changing privileges were revoked for no apparent reason after he installed what he considered to be a perfectly reasonable bulb, within bulb-changing guidelines.
Someone to put a bulb with his initials on it, only for fifty people to chastise him for 'worthless vanity bulbs'.
Everlasting Light
How many firefighters does it take to change a lightbulb?
At Livermore's Fire Station 1, the question is moot.
For nearly a century, firefighters there have been keepers of what is believed to be the longest-burning bulb on the planet. Donated to the department by a local businessman, it has been shining since 1901.
The naked bulb, which hangs from the ceiling, is celebrated in Ripley's Believe-It-of-Not and has become a tourist attraction, drawing hundreds of visitors each year from as far away as Japan and Australia.
It has appeared in newspaper and radio reports across the country and Charles Kuralt once featured it in his TV special, "An American Moment."
Through earthquakes, fires and riots, the bulb has burned faintly with only short interruptions for the occasional power outage and a 23-minute respite in 1976 when the station moved locations. The bulb was brought along to the new building.
"We gave it (an emergency) code 3," firefighter Jim McCraw remembers.
"We had all the trucks out with sirens and lights flashing. It was like the O.J. Simpson chase, we moved it so slowly down the street."
The bulb was designed with longevity in mind. Made by the now-defunct Shelby Electric Co. in the Livermore Valley, it is constructed of hand-blown glass and a carbide filament about as thick as a pencil. Local businessman Dennis Bernal gave it to the department and the station has used it as a nightlight ever since.
It hangs from the ceiling and burns at low wattage - only about a bright as a toaster coil - and is spared the wear-and-tear of being turned on and off.
But the bulb has had some near misses. In the 1970s, when Frisbees were the fad, firefighters often nicked it as they tossed the plastic discs around the station.
Now, it has become such an institution that the firefighters worry about the day it burns out.
"I'd hate to be on duty if that ever happens," McCraw said. "We'd all be brought in and interrogated. They'd want to know if we had something to do with it."
Naturally, this is Livermore, Ca.