Second-Hand Gas Kills 130,000 Americans a Year -

Yahoo.com ^ | October 20, 2003

[UnklGene]

Second-Hand Gas Kills 130,000 Americans a Year

Monday October 20, 2003

Federal health officials are expected to soon issue a report warning the public about the dangers of second-hand gas. Human gas, that is.

"Second-hand gas, if inhaled on a regular basis, can cause headache, irritated eyes, emphysema, asthma, bronchitis and in many cases, heart attack," says a physician with ties to the Centers for Disease Control.

"Each year, approximately 130,000 Americans die from second-hand gas -- and many others suffer serious ailments as a result of long-term exposure.

"Gas-passers and non-gas-passers alike must realize the extent to which breaking wind -- commonly called 'farting' -- damages everyone's health."

According to the soon-to-be-released CDC report, each year second-hand gas causes:

800 heart attacks 250 strokes 30,000 asthma attacks 50,000 cases of earache Due to poor dietary habits, there is now an "epidemic" of flatulence in America, the report warns. The average American produces a staggering three pints of gas and breaks wind 14 to 23 times daily.

[Agnes Heep]

This should make everyone think twice before "lighting up."

[metesky]

I'm running my car on the stuff!

[CSM]

"right index finger directly at Player 2 (preferably a person under the age of 5) and must say the phrase "Pull My Finger"."

Be careful, you will be accused of abusing and poisening children. Then the gnatzie will support removale of player 2 from your household!

[Bacon Man]

I prefer to think of it as making my little contribution to the ozone hole.

[CSM]

I would have thought it was from onions, but then flurry predicted it and that alone makes it believable!

[night reader]

Tom Daschle is concerned... deeply concerned.

[CSM]

"I have to go brown some meat for the pot of chili I'm making."

I will be sitting at my table with spoon in hand tonight at about 6:00! I need to do my part in this contribution, pass a bowl on over!

[CSM]

"Soon we will be required to wear a sticker on our butts that warns of this danger."

Oh, no, another prediction! Should we put it next to the "wide load" sticker?

[GeekDejure]

Your Honor, I object. Phhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Clunk.

.

[Nashphil]

This whole thing really stinks.

[Conspiracy Guy]

That is even more polluting. Second hand food when burned spreads its toxins even faster.

[crz]

With pickeled eggs and beer..I can do it in 2.5.

[Conspiracy Guy]

I wish I could find my second hand food rant on the threads that I posted it on.

[SheLion]

I would have thought it was from onions, but then flurry predicted it and that alone makes it believable!

Hahaaaaa!

[Gabz]

LOL!!!

It won't be ready until at least tomorrow - it needs to percolate!!!!!

[F.J. Mitchell]

War has been declared on beans-what next?

Look for someone with a lot of powerful friends in government, to invent a catalytic converter, for human anuses, and have the Government enact a law requiring that everyone be equipped with one.

[Ursus arctos horribilis]

If true, this is at last something to assail the veggie eating, fart producing, second hand gas machines known as PETA freaks.

[F.J. Mitchell]

If they ain't aged seven days, they ain't baked beans.

[SheLion]

It won't be ready until at least tomorrow - it needs to percolate!!!!!

Takes me THAT long to GET there. heheh!

[CSM]

I will scan for it, if I can find it I will freepmail it back to you for posting.