Too Many Candidates

GOPUSA ^ | May 11, 2015 | Howie Carr, The Boston Herald

[2ndDivisionVet]

The former governor of Florida, John (or as he prefers to be called, Juan) Ellis Bush, doesn't appear to have a lot of support among Republicans, as opposed to Republicans in Name Only (RINOs), who absolutely adore him.

But Juan isn't sweating it. He's rolling in dough, and more importantly, he's rolling in opponents.

Have you ever heard of a "straw" candidate? When you have a weak front-runner that can't reach 50 percent, often a third, or a fourth, or even a fifth candidate suddenly jumps into the race. If he has a name similar to that of the strongest opponent, or is at least a member of the same ethnic group, even better!

And the best straw of all is the one who doesn't even know he's a straw.

I think we have a lot of straws traipsing around New Hampshire these days. As Juan Ellis Bush might paraphrase Mao, let a hundred straws bloom.

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Look at the latest N.H. poll of GOP candidates. Juan Bush is in first place with a meager 15 percent, even though he's a "brand." But then, so are NBC News, Rolling Stone and Lumber Liquidators. Brand names can wear out their welcomes.

Bush's 15 percent represents the non-Republican wing of the Republican Party. The four candidates just barely behind him, real conservatives, have a combined 39 percent. If one or two of them dropped out ... Juan starts slip sliding away.

So who are the straws? Let's start with Mike Huckabee. He's from Hope, Ark., like you-know-who. In 2008, he ran a kamikaze anti-Mormon campaign against Mitt Romney and afterward was hired by Fox News. Coincidence?

I repeat, the best straw is one who doesn't know he's a straw. Maybe the Huckster truly believes he's a contender. Or perhaps Gov. Huckleberry was tired of his weekend slot at Fox and wants a weekday gig. When Huck announced, Karl Rove, the RINO's RINO, couldn't have possibly gushed any more over his candidacy (on Fox, naturally).

Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin is for real. He's from the Midwest. Suddenly Gov. John Kasich of Ohio is being touted as a contender. Did I mention Kasich also used to have a weekend show at Fox?

If there were one strong Hispanic candidate from a big state, he would be hard for Juan Bush to handle. Fortunately for Bush, there are two -- Sens. Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz.

Rubio is presently a greater threat, since he's from Juan's home state of Florida and has been running neck-and-neck in the polls with him. But Rubio's six-year term is up in 2016, so he'll have to make a decision whether he really wants to abandon his safe Senate seat at age 44. And guess what -- a young GOP congressman in the Sunshine State just announced he'll be running for Rubio's seat. Tighten the screws, boys. Force Marco to decide if he wants to roll the dice.

That would leave Cruz in the Hispanic bracket. He's from Texas, but fortuitously, former Gov. Rick Perry is back for more. Perry seems OK personally, but he's surrounded by the Barbour family from Mississippi. What's up with that? If you look up RINO in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of former Gov. Haley Barbour.

Last year they propped up a fading rubber stamp U.S. senator named Thad Cochran, who babbled on the campaign trail about doing "all kinds of indecent things with animals." You can watch the video on YouTube. But Cochran won in a runoff; the Barbours are good. They're also this close to the Bushes.

Perry is nowhere in the polls, but every campaign dollar he takes out of Texas is one Ted Cruz won't get. Cruz is an evangelical Christian, and guess what -- so is Huckabee! Your mission, Mike, is to drain off Cruz votes in Iowa. Maybe whisper that he's a Mormon. That worked so well against Mitt in 2007. As always, Mike, should any member of your team be captured, the secretary will disavow any knowledge ...

Am I being paranoid? I don't think so. When JFK first ran for Congress, he neutralized an opponent named Joe Russo by putting in another guy named Joe Russo. When Billy Bulger was in a jam against Dr. John deJong, suddenly a mystery candidate named DuPass appeared on the ballot. The list is endless. I just found one of them on the MBTA pension list, the brother of a local Mafioso. After his "campaign," this guy went on the T and now has a pension of $45,000 a year.

Juan Ellis Bush can't win a one-on-one fight with anyone. He needs all hands on deck. Even Lindsey Graham, believe it or not. Simultaneously, Bush muscles out any rival RINOs, first Mitt, next Chris Christie.

It's not that difficult if you've got the do-re-mi. And it was reported this week that Bush's super PAC is on its way to raising $100 million by the end of the month.

One hundred million. With $100 million, you can buy a lot of bales of hay. Or straws.

[trisham]

Howie has his moments.

[onyx]

Yes, he does and I’ve read this before. I think I had a graphic.