Dog rules

email | 09-21-03

[4mycountry]

1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside in a specially built wooden compartment named, for very good reason, the dog house.

2. Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short visits or if his own house is under renovation.

3. Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard sale to a rookie dog owner.

4. Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage.

5. Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog can go wherever he pleases.

6. The dog is never allowed on the furniture.

7. Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not the new furniture.

8. Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell the whole darn works and buy new furniture...upon which the dog will most definitely not be allowed.

9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.

10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

11. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not allowed under the covers.

12. Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with his head on the pillow.

13. Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers with his head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got to leave the room.

14. Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping. That's just not fair.

15. The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire as "primary resident," even if it's true.

[4mycountry]

;)

[mel]

That is too cute, and it is so true. Been there,done that.

[b4its2late]

.

[Vigilantcitizen]

Katie Scarlett, the black lab, gives this thread four paws up. :)

[EggsAckley]

Heheheh. Very, very cute. I just may have to "borrow" it!

[RadioAstronomer]

ping. :-)

[Scenic Sounds]

Thanks for posting this.

A twenty-something friend of ours once told us that, if he were to die, he'd like to come back as one of our dogs. ;-)

[Tijeras_Slim]

Basenji owners are smart enough to skip right to step 14.

[SAMWolf]

BASIC DOG RULES


NEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.

VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark--- a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...

LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.

DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.

HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself.

CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never--- quite--- catch them. It spoils all the fun.

CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry . ...Eat a shoe.

[snippy_about_it]

WOOF!



Dogs Rule!!

[MotleyGirl70]

9. The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.

10. Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.

LOL!

Holds true for cats too! :) Especially when you have a small one you accidentally roll over on to and hear "meow".

[Neets]

The Dog is never allowed to play "BITE THE HAND".

[Mears]

God,that's funny.I have a twelve year old Sheltie that owns the house. She can no longer jump up on the bed,though,so I at least have that back for my exclusive use.

I remember when we got out first dog my husband said that I had exclusive care and he wasn't paying the vet bills etc etc. I knew him well,we got the puppy and it was a 14 year love affair,they adored eachother.He even used to worry about her if there was a draft in cold weather---hysterical.

[4mycountry]

I've done that... Sleeping ever-so-peacefully, only to be wakened by a muffled "mowwrr". ;)

[MotleyGirl70]

Hehe...it's not really a "meow", it's more of a "listen here human master, how dare you wake me up with your that sledge hammer you call a 'leg'!"

[Agnes Heep]

No dogs on the furniture ... well, sometimes!

[Jen]

Oh my goodness! A Basenji. Looks just like my "Toby".

[chicagolady]

Thanks a million for the post! I heard this on the radio a long time ago and wanted to get a copy!

[dd5339]

Cav,

Look at what you have to look forward to when you get a dog!

Vic,

I'm glad to see we're holding firm on a couple of the rules!

Semper Fi

[Vic3O3]

ROTFLMAO!