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Court Jesters
email | 07-08-03

Posted on 07/08/2003 11:46:14 AM PDT by 4mycountry

These are things people said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters...

______________________________________________

Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

______________________________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year

______________________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

______________________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've forgotten?

______________________________________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

_____________________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

___________________________________________

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

______________________________________________

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

______________________________________________

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.

______________________________________________

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

_______________________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Would you repeat that question, please?

_______________________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?

_______________________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

_______________________________________________

Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
A: I resent that question.

_______________________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

_______________________________________________

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

_______________________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

______________________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

_______________________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition that I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

_______________________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

_______________________________________________

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
A: OK.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

_______________________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

_______________________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.

_______________________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS:
Enjoy, FReepers!
1 posted on 07/08/2003 11:46:14 AM PDT by 4mycountry
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2 posted on 07/08/2003 11:46:46 AM PDT by Support Free Republic (Your support keeps Free Republic going strong!)
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To: 4mycountry
Most of these are probably made-up. Especially the last one. Also, a staircase can go up and down if it's a spiral. Funny post, though.
3 posted on 07/08/2003 11:53:41 AM PDT by Soulcleaver
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To: 4mycountry; Support Free Republic
Read the last joke and then read post number 2. Good choice by Support Free Republic!
4 posted on 07/08/2003 11:54:17 AM PDT by upchuck (Contribute to "Republicans for Al Sharpton for President in 2004." Dial 1-800-SLAPTHADONKEY :)
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To: 4mycountry
As if we don't get enough of this in our OWN email...

Series-ly, though, don't you think this sort of thing belongs in the General Interest (a.k.a. "chat") forum, instead of News/Activism?
5 posted on 07/08/2003 12:16:37 PM PDT by newgeezer (We learn by trail and errror. :-)
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To: 4mycountry
Teriffic!

Thanks for the post.

6 posted on 07/08/2003 12:29:19 PM PDT by G.Mason (Lessons of life need not be fatal)
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To: 4mycountry
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No.

Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

Q. Are you sexually active?
A. No, I just lie there.

More at http://www.fuzzydog.com/msccourt.htm
7 posted on 07/08/2003 1:08:36 PM PDT by m1911
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To: tutstar
PING
8 posted on 07/09/2003 12:41:55 AM PDT by Nightshift
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To: tutstar
PING
9 posted on 07/09/2003 12:42:02 AM PDT by Nightshift
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