America's Dating Scene

The Gabrielle Reilly Weekly. ^ | 07/06/03 | Gabrielle Reilly

[Gabrielle Reilly]

Oprah What about The Great American Dating Scene?

It must be hard for both American men and women to find a partner after being sold a lifetime of "commercial dreams" of white weddings, fluffy feathered pillows etc. They grow up to expect a fairy tale that evolves around a self evolving superficial premise that only brings momentary happiness. The picture they had in their mind causes mental disharmony when it is not realistic as an adult, hence a grasping feeling transpires. I love American people and there are many things I have learnt from Americans. As I have learnt valuable information from Americans here are some thoughts Americans may enjoy pondering from my travels around the world.

Working hard for not only yourself but others (your partner etc) allows you less time to dwell on all the things in life that are wrong and actually achieve a sense of accomplishment so it has a double benefit. Getting back to nature and enjoying watching the sunset over the water, or singing with friends around a campfire are free and bring true contentment instead of that sick feeling many women seem to experience when they are almost shopping compulsively. Financial stress brings an uncomfortable feeling in the back of their mind so although the experience of shopping does bring some satisfaction it also brings stress. The smell of a new car wears off very quickly and one could be driving an older car again and not notice before long. I am not saying aspiring for nice things is bad, it is just recognizing that they are the icing on the cake and are good for fleeting joy. To expect happiness to be achieved when one gets the new car, or new dress, or next shopping adventure... is like watching a dog chase its tail, it may brush it but will never actually get it

[Gabrielle Reilly]

LOL Yes indeed the making out, oops I mean "up"... making up. :)

[Lazamataz]

While your writing style needs work, I was a little surprised to find quality content in your missive. Good job.

[Lazamataz]

As somone who went through a bargain basement wedding, I can testify to the sheer idiocy of spending thousands and thousands of dollars on a show.

My "bride" had it firm in her mind that ours was to be a on-the-beach pagent. I shrugged my shoulders and went along with it (because men are supposed to shut up and go along with whatever the woman wants).

Well, in retrospect, I wish we put our efforts into the marriage and not the wedding. We didn't last a year. What a waste.

[honeygrl]

"Well, in retrospect, I wish we put our efforts into the marriage and not the wedding. We didn't last a year. What a waste. "

I've heard people say before "The Bigger the Wedding, The Shorter the Marraige." Guess it was true in your case? Maybe that means mine will last forever since ours cost only $40 and a 4 hour drive. We didn't even buy wedding outfits. He wore a suit that he'd had in his closet that he didn't ever really get to wear much and I wore the dress I had intended to wear to work that day. (I never made it to work though.) He did buy me roses though and I took one into the courthouse with me. Our pre-wedding meal included only the two of us and the drive thru at Hardee's. Our post-wedding meal included only the two of us and no actual food (or clothing for that matter.) Our 6 yr anniversary is the 24th of this month. We are proof that you can find love on the internet. I wish the news and talk shows would tell a few internet romance stories like ours rather than focusing on all the bad stuff that happens occationally.

[Lazamataz]

I've heard people say before "The Bigger the Wedding, The Shorter the Marraige." Guess it was true in your case?Yep. :^/

I think the phenomenon also occurs because of Post Celebration Letdown. You've got all this energy and emotion tied up in the ceremony, and when the ceremony is over, you get this incredible let-down catharisis. My woman had AT LEAST 5 books and some of them were so dog-eared that it was clear her primary interest was the ceremony.

We are proof that you can find love on the internet.

I believe you can as well. I, however, made every single mistake a man can make. I had had very few serious relationships prior to this one -- I had been much more of a bed-'em-and-forget-'em kind of guy. So along the way I missed some of the very basic lessons you learn in your twenties. The primary lesson I had not learned is, don't lie. I didn't come clean about certain aspects of my personality, some of them somewhat serious. And this, of course, is a fault I fully accept responsibility for. The acceptance of that responsibility includes knowledge (and to some degree, a desire) that we will never likely be together again -- even though I admit I daydream about it.

She sees me as a completely deceptive creature who -- as she puts it -- 'didn't exist' as the man represented. That, of course, is nonsense. I am who I am, although I did cover up some serious flaws. I exist in the entirity, including my flaws -- flaws, by the way, that I am working on with or without a significant other in my life. All the good I brought, I brought. All the positives I was, I was and still am. To claim I didn't exist as represented is so much nonsense, IMHO.

I'm improving for ME; I could really care less about a significant other at this point. My focus has been, in this order: Excelling at my job, and I am doing better than I ever have at any job, ever. Nary a week goes by without a 'Well done'. Then, as a more important but less immediate factor, I am engaging in some theraputic help that is drastically improving my life, both mentally and more important physically. Third, I am busy working out at Bally's and have restarted my martial arts. And fourth, I am dedicating myself to helping others. A good friend and mentor here in Atlanta, a co-worker I have grown close to, has recommended that, and it has been both mentally and spiritually rewarding.

Other plans I have, are to begin attending Temple each and every Friday evening without fail. I want to reimmerse myself in my spirituality and connection with G-d. I also want to begin the Atkins diet program.

[Gabrielle Reilly]

>>>>>>>>>>While your writing style needs work, I was a little surprised to find quality content in your missive. Good job.>>>>>>>>>>

LOL. Well that was that most back handed compliment I have heard in a while "I was a little suprised to find quality content". :) Why?
You know what, I like my hokey "not quite right" writing style for informal articles. It is real, not a perfect fabrication of humaness but a reflection of my care free but thoughtful nature. I love rawness, I guess from the Outback where life is very simple. My Dad has been on me all my life about having a more structured writing style (he is a writer) but my interest is purely in the content. I will have to post one of my stories I wrote for college English (graded at 99%) where my interest was the actual "correct" use of English to satisfy my critics. :)
But thank you. LOL

[honeygrl]

I, however, made every single mistake a man can make. I had had very few serious relationships prior to this one -- I had been much more of a bed-'em-and-forget-'em kind of guy.

You sound like the male version of me before I got married. I was actually amazed at myself at how much I changed after I married. I had never been in a real relationship before him and had no interest in one before him. All I wanted back then was whoever was fun and I would get bored with the guy-of-the-month the second any emotional attachment was shown on his part. I did a total turn around when I met my hubby and can't imagine ever being unfaithful to him or lying to him about anything. He knows all about my slutty history, yet trusts me completely. It's so hard for me to even believe how my whole attitude changed once we married. I totally lost my roaming nature.

I exist in the entirity, including my flaws -- flaws, by the way, that I am working on with or without a significant other in my life

I think that once you find the right person that accepts you for who you are and makes you feel comfortable being honest with yourself and with her you will find it very easy to be the type of person you want to be and to change the flaws that you really don't like and the ones that would hurt her.

I'm improving for ME; I could really care less about a significant other at this point.

And being happy with yourself if without a doubt the most important thing. I've seen you around the forum a lot and am not sure of your age but you sound like you are still fairly young and have plenty of time for finding the person that is right for you. Trust me, the right person always comes along when you aren't looking for them. I may be very young, but that's one thing I've seen over and over.

A good friend and mentor here in Atlanta, a co-worker I have grown close to, has recommended that, and it has been both mentally and spiritually rewarding.

You don't live too far from me. I'm in Athens, about an hour away from Atlanta.

I also want to begin the Atkins diet program.

I have heard nothing but good things about that diet. One word of advice on it though is to make sure during that first two weeks that you either take a potassium/magnesium supplement or make sure you have something in your meals with potassium and magnesium in them. You loose mostly water weight those first two weeks and that means loss of potassium and magnesium, which is a bad uncomfortable thing to go through. I lost too much of those of those after I had my son and was put on a water pill for a temporary high blood pressure problem while breastfeeding at the same time. The result was loosing lots of water weight and almost dying from loss of potassium. I was literally on the verge of my heart stopping because I wasn't told by the quck doctor that I needed to take a supplement for that. They had to replace my potassium via an IV and it was the most painful experience of my life. If mineral water is OK to drink on that diet, that would probably be enough to prevent the problem from occuring. From talking to my mom though who is on that diet, most of the foods you can eat during the first 2 weeks don't have potassium in them.

[Gabrielle Reilly]

>>>>>I wish the news and talk shows would tell a few internet romance stories like ours rather than focusing on all the bad stuff that happens occationally.
>>>>>>>

One of the advantages I see in today's go go lucky world LOL is you get to know each others thoughts before you get to "know" each other in the Biblical sense. :)

[honeygrl]

"One of the advantages I see in today's go go lucky world LOL is you get to know each others thoughts before you get to "know" each other in the Biblical sense. :) "

Exactly. I've had many people criticizing me due to the way we met and married and how quickly we did it. They say they don't understand how I could marry someone that I didn't even know. But they also don't understand that I probably knew him better than most people know each other after dating for 2 years because you don't really communicate as well on a date as you do with someone you aren't face to face with. You get to focus on each other's thoughts and words rather than how you look and where you are going for dinner.

[Lazamataz]

You don't live too far from me. I'm in Athens, about an hour away from Atlanta.

I know Athens. I lived in Winder for a while; almost moved to Statham. I would be honored to be friends with you and your husband. I'll answer the rest of your missive after dinner -- dinner consisting of 12 ounces of steak and nothing else. :o)

[honeygrl]

"dinner consisting of 12 ounces of steak and nothing else."

mmmmmmmm *drool*

[Gabrielle Reilly]

>>>>>>>>>You get to focus on each other's thoughts and words rather than how you look and where you are going for dinner.>>>>>>>>

Yeah it would be great not having to worry about the size or our butts. LOL It is funny you have to think twice about joking about that in America... people will probably think I am serious. You know I NEVER ONCE knew any girl with eating disorders or anorexia, bulimia etc in Australia. A hearty meal was always sort after.

How is your feeding going, still got the super duper D's?

[honeygrl]

"How is your feeding going, still got the super duper D's? "

Yeah, and the little rat BIT me today with her two emerging little teeth. She actually broke the skin. That is one of the most painful places to be bitten to as I'm sure you can imagine. That was her first strike. Two more and the girl gets no more boobie milk.

[Lazamataz]

LOL. Well that was that most back handed compliment I have heard in a while "I was a little suprised to find quality content". :) Why?

Cuz we didn't get along quite so great when we first met. You remember, the 'bioterrorism' thread?

But this was good.

[Lazamataz]

I still don't want to answer your serious post tonight, I'm about to sleep... but there's a lot to respond to.... you take care tonight.... we all (you & me & hubby) should meet up, I don't know many people in Atlanta yet...

[Gabrielle Reilly]

>>>>>>Cuz we didn't get along quite so great when we first met. You remember, the 'bioterrorism' thread?

But this was good. >>>>>>>

LOL How could I forget that!!!! You guys think I'm nuts at least I don't wonder if my Grandmother is involved in a conspiracy theory. :)

I am not going to start that all over again but I did really get that package. I had no idea I was going to be thrown to the lions over trying to ensure there were not single incidences of that occuring around the country. The sharing of information is essential in the WOT. LOL

Live and learn! :)

[TheSpottedOwl]

Well, in retrospect, I wish we put our efforts into the marriage and not the wedding. We didn't last a year. What a waste.

That's a shame :(

[honeygrl]

"I still don't want to answer your serious post tonight, I'm about to sleep... but there's a lot to respond to.... you take care tonight.... we all (you & me & hubby) should meet up, I don't know many people in Atlanta yet... "

Sounds fun. Just be aware that where ever we go, we drag along the toddler (who is loud) and the crawler (who is just cute most of the time.) We've been travelling around ALOT over the past 4-5 weekends (the only time hubby gets to relax with us) so it may be a few more weekends before he's ready to venture out of Athens again LOL. I never let the poor man rest due to my love of travelling. And take your time responding to the other post. I'm here just about everyday unless we are travelling around on the weekend. And feel free to do it via freepmail if you don't want to post private things publicly. Though my life is an open book and I don't mind posting my own private affairs I understand when others don't want to.

[Conspiracy Guy]

You need to leave Kansas and come down south where there are fewer of the Wimpy Americans you describe. Hope you're well, we haven't swapped notes since the bikini thread.

Regards

Flurry

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