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You Knoe You're a Redneck if.....
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Posted on 05/24/2003 3:30:46 PM PDT by annyokie

Subject: YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. 3. Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center. 4. Your boat has not left the yard in 15 years. 5. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 6. You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive. 7. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. 8. Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one. 9. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. 10. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. 11. You come back from the dump with more than you took. 12. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. 13. Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list. 14. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. 15. You've bathed with flea and tick soap. 16. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 17. Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell. 18. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. 19. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. 20. You have a rag for a gas cap. 21. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does. 22. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean. 23. You can spit without opening your mouth. 24. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. 25. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 26. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota. 27. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side. 28. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart. 29. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. 30. You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler. 31. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. 32. You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart. 33. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home. 34. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvements. 35. You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher. 36. You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?" 37. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty. 38. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.


TOPICS: Humor
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To: Mike Darancette
You know you're a redneck when the feds and state police raid your local Indian smokeshop.
21 posted on 05/25/2003 12:55:40 AM PDT by Born on the Storm King
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To: annyokie
You know you are a redneck if the your radio station has an ad for a Ladies Boutique and pronounces it "Lay Dees' Bow Tea' Que".
22 posted on 05/25/2003 6:03:24 AM PDT by Common Tator
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To: ThomasJackson
Jim Foxworthy? Is that Jeff's brother?

You know you're a redneck when you start forgetting names but still claim you weren't off that far because you got the first letter right.

Guilty as charged.

23 posted on 05/25/2003 12:14:20 PM PDT by Cagey
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To: annyokie
I read only the first paragraph.
24 posted on 05/25/2003 12:52:38 PM PDT by Consort
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To: Consort
Sorry about the formatting problem. I tried to fix it, but failed.

Redneck Anny
25 posted on 05/25/2003 1:06:12 PM PDT by annyokie (provacative yet educational reading alert)
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To: annyokie
If your gene pool doesn't have a deep end ... you might be a redneck.
26 posted on 05/25/2003 3:32:31 PM PDT by AngrySpud
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To: annyokie
Sorry about the formatting problem. I tried to fix it, but failed.

Alls ya gots ta do is put one o them <br> simbills at tha end o each line. So

1.2.3.4.5.6. looks like this 1.<br>2.<br>3.<br>4.<br>5.<br>6. which looks like this
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Simpler 'an shootin a possum!

27 posted on 05/25/2003 3:44:40 PM PDT by upchuck (Contribute to "Republicans for Al Sharpton for President in 2004." Dial 1-800-SLAPTHADONKEY :)
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To: upchuck
Damn! Now I know. Thanks!
28 posted on 05/25/2003 6:02:55 PM PDT by annyokie (provacative yet educational reading alert)
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To: annyokie
You know you may be a redneck if the branches on your family tree don't fork. (Think about it)

You know you may be a redneck if you go to family reunions to meet girls.

etc., etc., etc.,
29 posted on 05/26/2003 3:50:05 AM PDT by doulau
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To: doulau
LOL...
30 posted on 05/26/2003 9:58:55 AM PDT by MEG33
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To: Cagey
There is a hugh possibility that knoe could be the next series word here.

I knoe whut yew meen! LOL!

31 posted on 05/27/2003 5:24:54 AM PDT by Constitution Day
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