Posted on 05/22/2003 7:51:47 PM PDT by Hillary's Lovely Legs
1. Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
2. Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.
3. Republicans usually wear hats and always clean their paint brushes.
4. Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs.
5. Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on the bugs.
6. Democrats name their children after currently-popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is.
7. Democrats keep trying to cut down on smoking but are not successful. Neither are Republicans.
8. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.
9. Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.
10. Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows by Democrats.
11. Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.
12. Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.
13. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.
14. Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.
15. Republicans sleep in twin beds--some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.
I have a feeling this is the most accurate of all of the above statements. Our liberal, socially-concerned pacifist neighbors seem to be the ones who throw out the most trash of anyone, and own the most gas guzzling cars on the block.
-- New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd, dodging our question yesterday about whether she and "West Wing" creator Aaron Sorkin are an item WashPost.
Tailgating was the thing that drove me insane driving in the Northeast corridor. If you have just 6 inches of space between you and the person in front, you can count on someone cutting into that space.
Also, the trucks that changed lanes without signaling. So you're forced to brake because by their sheer size, they own the lane.
And then there's the cars turning left that go ahead even thought they have a red and don't have the right of way, forcing you to stop, even though you have the right of way.
And then, there's the gesticulating...hey, I'm happy to be living in the rural South.
And what would they have for dinner...stew in each other's juices...
Bubba in twilight a sad, sorry sight
Bucks County Courier Times
I can't stand Bill Clinton. During the Lewinsky scandal, I was part of the one-third of Americans who thought he should have been tossed from office - and I voted for him. All that lying. That talk of Hillary as "co-president." The endless lies. The seamy scandals.
So Sunday night, after I saw him speak to a sold-out crowd at the War Memorial in Trenton, I expected to return to the newsroom frothing about Clinton's cynical attempt to spin his empty legacy into gold. Actually, I came back feeling sorry for him. Bubba's in twilight, and is trying hard to fight it.
Here was Clinton, for eight years the most powerful human on the planet, speaking in Trenton on a Sunday night, sponsored by an obscure retirement home in Ewing.
Does he need the cash that badly? Doesn't he golf? He still speaks in that heartfelt manner of a good ol' Bubba selling his brand of fertilizer mix over the competition. But a lot of the speech was a replay of Clinton's greatest hits: his wonderful economy, 100,000 more cops on the streets, a reprise of Hillary's "It Takes A Village" crap, in which he said we must "move the world toward a more integrated community ... a world of shared values, of shared hardships, of shared responsibilities."
The crowd loved it, but then most of them probably think Al Gore was robbed in 2000. Two years after his presidency collapsed in scandal, Clinton still dresses presidentially. He maintains a hectic world travel schedule, although it's not clear why.
On Sunday, there he was, alone on that black stage, flanked by white sprays of funeral-like flowers, talking about the good old days of the '90s. Occasionally he lifted an arm and left it hang in mid-air while he made a windy point. He sounded like he wanted my vote again.
The Bush tax cut? Bad. "It kicks a half a million children - a half-million - out of their after-school programs. ... I find this unbelievable," he said.
How to end terrorism? Don't go after mere terror cells, go after the leadership. "This is an operation where we have to get the linchpins."
We must also pay off nuke scientists in nations that breed terrorists. Really.
It was a stump speech. It's like the man can't find anything else to do with his life except make appearances and weigh in on policy.
Doesn't he like to spend time with Chelsea? Does he have friends to chill with? Why is he always on?
I remember reading about Lyndon Johnson, who, after a lifetime dedicated to accruing power and barking orders, found himself isolated on his Texas ranch in retirement. But Johnson couldn't do anything else. He continued to bark orders at his ranch staff about the chicken egg production.
Clinton's the same way. Careerists are all the same.
"Bill Clinton for president," a guy a few feet in front of me yelled to Clinton from the balcony. Clinton first thanked the military color guard that greeted him. Then he said, beaming: "And I want to thank the fella who screamed out 'Bill Clinton for president.' "
"Or Hillary," a lady yelled.
"Yeah, that'd be even better," Clinton said.
Of course it would. His twilight would end. J.D. Mullane, Bucks County Courier-Times.
13. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a little fun first.
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So this is what's put the kibosh on our wedding plans... |
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