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NOTICE FROM CARNIVAL CRUISE LINES:

Afghanistan Cruise

We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn't forget that a lot of entertainers had promised to leave the country if George W.Bush became President. With that in mind, we have a Special Offer for those who want to keep their promise!

Attention: Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell, Cher, Phil Donahue,David Gephin, Barbara Streisand, Pierre Salinger, and anyone else who made that promise,

please dispose of all US assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise, "Elation," which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan. You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq.

The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.

Please pack for an extended stay...at least four years and you should consider the possibility of eight years.

Note: Since you advocate strict gun control, you may not bring any.

Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, Monica Lewinsky as recreation director, Ted Kennedy as lifeguard and emergency procedures director, and Congressman Gary Condit as intern coordinator.

If you have any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary Clinton. Her village can raise your children while you're gone, and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.

Bon Voyage!

Another greasy-haired Hillary photo in the NYPost, near the bottom where it belongs.

HILLARY - not Duff or Swank - honored her former White House press chief Lisa Caputo's mommyhood with a party of 100 of their nearest and powerfulest. The hostess was another friend Norma Asnes. Whatever Norma does she obviously does good because she lives on Fifth. You could tell it was springtime. Hillary was in pale blue, Donna Hanover in rose, Barbara Walters in lavendar, Diane Sawyer in white, Liz Smith in yellow, realtor Alice Mason in pink, Harper's Bazaar publisher Valerie Salembier in pale green, Lynn Scher in tan.

As for Paula Zahn's color it was radiant. "I wasn't trying for this new prime-time show I just got," she said. "It was a surprise. It just came. Maybe that's how wonderful things happen. What it means is, I can actually have a life. Sundays were always hard when I had to stop enjoying the children and get to bed because I needed to be up so early. We're not big on going out. There's weekends for that. But if I do want to go for dinner, I can now. At nine. I'm so thrilled."