Application for Employment as a Human Shield - TP

Me | 03/18/2003 | T. Paulsen

[FreeInNJ]

I wrote this in response to sympathetic comments toward human shields made by my liberal co-workers.

Feel free to contact me via email at kryotsu@yahoo.com for a copy of the source (MS Word).

APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT AS A HUMAN SHIELD

Personal Information: First Name: _____________________________________________ Last Name: _____________________________________________ Street Address: _____________________________________________ _____________________________________________ Home Phone: _____________________________________________ Business Phone: _____________________________________________

Have you ever applied for employment with us? Y_____ N_____ If Y when

Location Desired: (In order of preference) Factory: _____ Govenrment Office: _____ Hospital NOT AVAILABLE Presidential Palace: __1__ Power Facility: __2__ School NOT AVAILABLE WMD Storage: _____

Work Eligibility: When will you be available to work (Month/Year) _____/ _____ Are you capable of finding your own way to Iraq? _____ Are you an “Outdoors” person? _____ Do you enjoy sunbathing? _____ Do you have any prior experience as a human shield? _____ If you were unsuccessful in your appointed tasks, were you ejected from the country for failure to defend your assigned location? _____ Do you have other special training or skills that may be useful to us (military training, electronic communications, additional spoken or written languages, etc.)? _____

The Honorable Republic of Iraq sets high standards for its employees, and compliance with these standards is a condition of employment. If you are offered a position with HRI, you need to carefully consider what we would require of you before you accept. As an employee, you must do everything requested of you or face “Serious Consequences,” including: · Arriving at your appointed post on time · Following Directions · Accepting a work schedule that may require long hours of day, night, weekend, and holiday work · Remaining vigilant during the attacks by the American Cowboy Militia · Smiling and making eye contact with your executioners · Treating coworkers with respect · Maintaining a positive, enthusiastic attitude in the face of adversity · Offering exit opportunities to your HRI benefactors · Being honest and dedicated in your work · Using proper etiquette when pleading for your life in the event you survive the destruction of your assigned location Are you willing and able to comply with all the requirements listed? Yes: _______ No: _______

If your answer is no, or if you have concerns about being able to comply with any of these requirements, please explain: _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

Agreement of the Transfer of Information I declare the information provided by me in this application is true, correct, and complete to the best of my knowledge. I understand that if employed, any falsification, misstatement, or omission of fact in connection with my application, whether on this document or not, may result in immediate termination of employment. I authorize you to verify any and all information provided above. I acknowledge that employment may be conditional upon successful completion of a physical abuse screening test as part of the Company's pre-employment policy. I acknowledge that if I become employed, I will be free to terminate my life at any time for any reason, and that HRI retains the same rights. No HRI representative other than our Beloved Leader Saddam has the authority to make any contrary agreement. I understand it is unlawful to require any special treatment such as food and water rations as a condition of employment or continued employment. An employee who violates this law shall be subject to criminal and/or civil liabilities punishable by death. Signature: ________________________________________Date:__________ Printed Name: _________________________________________

[Rudder]

Really Kewl.

I do like it---do some more.

[ETERNAL WARMING]

HEHEHE...good, Free.