What in the world is the matter with me?

[Chancellor Palpatine]

I'm far too mild-mannered to ever have to post in the backroom.

Everybody 'round here just thinks I'm full of sweetness and light.

[Kevin Curry]

I have no friends and am treated badly by the people there. Sound like an excuse? It probably is.

They're likely not even aware you believe they treat you badly.

[Charles H. (The_r0nin)]

Wait 'til you're thirty-two and you still have the same complaint. At least you're the same age as the unmarried girls. Every time I date a new girl, I feel like a child molester. Hell, I have a really hard time dealing with a girl who has to go home early to finish her (college) homework!

You've still got a lot of time ahead of you. When you get to my age and my position, then you can get desperate and dejected. [grin]

Seriously, young women have been brought up very differently than in previous generations. Many have been convinced that sex is a bargaining chip or a recreation (and who wants one of those girls?). They think of relationships in terms of how it satisfies them, not as mutual commitments. And, most importantly, they look for exactly the kind of guys that make exciting dates and lousy partners. There are certainly good girls out there, but they get snatched up pretty quick. I know if I met one today I'd marry her tomorrow.

So, I'm sorry I can't tell you what to do differently, just that others share your pain. And things could be worse... you could be my age!

Good luck, friend.

[LurkerNoMore!]

I must have you confused with someone else.

[xm177e2]

The best way to have women swarming around you is to get married. It seems to be either feast or famine. (no, don't cheat on your wife!)

So get a fake wedding ring, and take advantage of the "other women?"

[bigfootbob]

"I checked for that halitosis and I don't have it, LOL!"

Then all I can tell you, "If your not handsome, you'd better be handy". You'll do fine. Don't try Seattle. The non-lesbian girls there don't shave their legs or armpits. The girls probably have halitosis, too.

[brbethke]

I wish I could offer you some more useful advice -- heck, I wish I could introduce you to my 21-year-old daughter -- but it's just something about the way most young women's brains are wired. I think it's some kind of genetic survival mechanism; they're programmed to increase the genetic diversity of their offspring by finding some guy who's as unlike their father as possible (while still staying within the boundaries of the species).

In my daughter's case, if you aren't an unemployed guy with a hair color not found in nature, multiple tattoos and body piercings, and no ambition to ever do anything beyond sit on the couch, play guitar (badly), and write and sing atonal songs that no one else wants to listen to, she just wouldn't be interested.

[T Minus Four]

So get a fake wedding ring, and take advantage of the "other women?"

No, the point is that when you are married, you no longer have that searching, desperate demeanor. Woman may be attracted to the aura of satisfaction and confidence.

[speedy]

First of all, thanks for setting off the most interesting thread of the night. Second, you are way too downcast about this. Hey, I got that way too sometimes at your age, so I know what you're saying, but you simply can't appreciate how unformed most people are at 20. I had pretty much given up on finding a permanent relationship at the advanced age of 26, and a few months later met the woman with whom I have been extremely happily married for almost 24 years. Lighten up, just do the things you like to do, and out of nowhere one comes along. But for God's sake, don't be dreary about it. A negative attitude is the ONLY thing that can hold you back. Well, that and uncontrolable flatulence. Very few women go for that.

[cyborg]

Not really... hehe. Actually for some reason men seemed turned off by that. They're impressed and say things like wow that's great. I really respect that.. but then of course don't ask me out.

[brbethke]

I'll keep you in mind if I ever need a third wife.

[Chancellor Palpatine]

LOL

[cyborg]

Did anyone hear Sean Hannity's dial-a-date on Valentine's Day? It was weird. I tried to get through, but I couldn't. Everyone is looking for someone. My mother wants to ship me out of the country to get married so I didn't marry a yankee scoundrel.. lol

[TXnMA]

I'm 20 years old...but yet I can't seem to find a girl!

Its not any easier for us conservative women!

----------------

Have you two met? '-)

[Blue Collar Christian]

You're not confident. Stop worrying about finding a girl, excell in what you have passions for, get to know God real well, get involved in what God is doing, and become confident in your ministries.

If you go to church to meet women, it will show. Keep going to church because you are a Christian, get involved in ministries that use your spiritual gifts. Be willing to try new things with groups, like camping, or coed softball, or social work.

If you will listen to a woman vent, give her the "uh-huh" and "that's great" and so on, it will help, but remember, that cannot be a temporary personality trait. The woman who stays with you will still need that support.

If you are not a Christian, then I have no good advice for you, and I pray you become a Christian(not in name only, either).

[TXnMA]

I would find a different church but I have been here 15 years, and it is the only one in my town..possibly state that is Calvinistic.

You're a Calvinist, eh? And you're only 20, and have already given up on finding the woman God has foreordained for you?

Have faith...

[Sloth]

Human beings want to be understood and appreciated.

LOL... good luck with that fortune cookie writing gig.

[brbethke]

Sorry, I meant to say, "I'll keep you in mind if I ever lose my mind and decide I need a third wife."

Seriously, from your posts and profile you seem really bright and terrific, and I wish I'd met someone like you 25 years ago. But of course 25 years ago all I was interested in were girls who wanted to party and hop in the sack, which is how I wound up with my first wife.

Love proves that God has a sense of humor. A rather ironic one, but a sense of humor nonetheless.

[speedy]

Sounds like your interest in bikes ought to be putting you in touch with some adventurous types -- and 29 isn't exactly the end of the line either, you know. Maybe you should go to more Freeper events -- conservative single women always seem to stir interest because they are relatively scarce. I married a liberal Democrat and happily watched her convert over the years -- but you've got it right from the start!! Chin up, cyborg!!

[Ichneumon]

Well, first, I'll mention that I met my wife when I was 29, and it was worth the wait.

Second, your biggest problem right now is that you're "mature for your age". At a time when most 20 year olds haven't gotten past "let's party, dude", you already have a career and a well-informed brain. That's going to narrow your options for a while, until more of the women in your "dating age" range grow up enough to appreciate those things.

Another problem is that at 20, your "dating age range" is pretty narrow, since women often like to date men somewhat older than themselves. So unless you want to date high school girls (no, don't), your prime dating pool is 18-19 year old women, who would actually prefer someone older than you anyway (and would probably be too young to appreciate your career/thoughts). And women old enough to appreciate you have a lot of even older men available as your competition.

Finally, being conserative at your age is a *real* issue, because traditionally people start out liberal when they're young and get more conservative as they get older -- often much older. When you're 40 you'll find that a lot of women have come around to your way of thinking due to real-life bumping them in the nose too many times to ignore it, but at 20, forget it.

Now that I've depressed you...

Years after I was married, I tripped over an advice column that I wish like hell I had found back when I was dating. Most advice columns are pretty worthless, but this one is, in a word, brilliant -- and I don't use that word lightly. This guy *really* knows his stuff. It took me over 40 years to figure out some of these things on my own, and some of the other parts of his advice I *still* hadn't figured out on my own, but gave me "eureka!" moments when I read them, because they suddenly made sense of things that had happened during dating that I hadn't understood at the time.

So trust me, if you read his stuff, you'll be 20 years ahead of your competition.

One thing that makes his advice so useful is that of instead being written from a women's perspective, like too many "dating advice columns", and instead of being based on asking women "what they want", he actually got to the root of the issue by interviewing countless women and asking them what sort of guy actually won them over and how. He found that interestingly enough, what women *think* or *say* they want in a guy isn't what actually gets and keeps their interest. Plus, he seems to have a great grasp of practical psychology, both male and female.

The columnist's pen name is "Doc Love". Yeah, yeah, I know, sounds like a bad lounge singer. Don't let that throw you off.

A metric ton of his columns are archived here. Since his later columns presume that you already know stuff he's discussed in his earlier columns, I would advise digging back through the "More Archives" link until you reach the last (oldest) archives, then reading the pages "backwards".

If you're really interested in making this a science, he also sells a book/tape package which describes his "system" in great detail -- and his columns make no secret of trying to sell you his product -- but the columns themselves provide a huge amount of practical information all by themselves and should be enough to help you drastically improve your dating success.