What in the world is the matter with me?

[ConservativeMan55]

Somebody please help me here. I can't understand it. I'm a successfull person right? I've got a little over a year and a half and I will have my Bachelors Degree.
I'm not ugly that I know of. I have no acne. I attempt to be an engaging personality.
I just recently got my associates degree.
I write columns for a political website.
I am a staunch conservative, and know more than the average Joe about politics and news.
I've produced live shows for radio. I'm 20 years old...but yet I can't seem to find a girl! Every friggin one is either taken or not interested.

I find it extremely peculiar that the ones that are taken are dating the guy flipping pancakes down at IHOP treating them like S^%&%. Seriously folks...something's happening here, and it ain't buffalo springfield.

[isthisnickcool]

Find some women your age that are drunk.

Kidding. Really. Pretty much:) You did not say what you wanted to find a girl for. What do you want? A wife or exercise?

You obviously have a good sense of humor. That's a plus. If you are going to school surely there must be female types around. Find social gatherings related to school. Check out frat parties. Local watering holes. If you don't go where the women are you will never meet any.

When you are around women you are the most important guy in the room. The best looking. The smartest. The one with the most potential. You are going somewhere. Excude confidence. And don't care about rejection. If some female does not like you meet another one. Just keep plodding along. I had one buddy when I was your age that had more women than he could handle. Because he never cared if they rejected him. And this guy was "homely" to say the least.

So, find out where the females are and go talk to them. Maybe that's at a bar, or school function or church. You can be sure that you won't find a female if you sit at home and post here. This is the last place you should be.

Shut the computer off and go have some fun.

[Havoc]

I'll give you the speach I'll one day give to my nephew. It's simple and short. I'm currently 34. I have a salaried position doing tech support and just bought my first house. I've been walked on by enough women to know not only what it feels like; but, all the varieties of how bad it can be. I have studied the notion of faith and have written an exigetical piece on the book of Hebrews that concludes that God fulfills our faith even if it happens after we are long gone. I must thus conclude that the perfect woman will come along in my golden years - she'll likely be the one to cut me open, stick a tube in me and fill my body with embalming fluid. Yep. The perfect woman, the one that can not do me any damage LOL.

Ok, so I'm kidding. No guy out there has the answers. Why do you act the way you do? We are all individuals and all heading in a billion different directions. I can make general statements that you likely are already aware of.. women go for moronic jerks. Wow, amazing insight, huh?
They hook up with a moronic jerk for the excitement, get used, impregnated or married and impregnated, discover the idiot they hooked up with isn't going to change for her and become a nice brilliant rocket scientist (that is still somehow exciting).. all to come to the conclusion that rather than have mr. exciting, it might be a good idea to find a "nice guy" with money that she can settle for who will bail her out of the mess she made of her life. Let's not forget that since she's likely divorced once, the threshold for divorce is lower than it was before she met you. And she's likely not dealt with her own problems which either contributed to or caused her sad story to be so. [IE, your first reaction should be to splash her with holy water, stick a cross in her face and pummel her with Garlic if she's even looking at you at this point.]

Reality sucks. That's life. But you won't find the right mate sitting here at the computer most likely. You'll find the right one by immersing yourself in the world of the opposite sex - meet women - ugly, fat, opinionated, skinny - you name it. Introduce yourself to every woman of your proximate age range that you encounter - all of them. Just do it. Get used to it. Don't feed them lines, just be real. Pretend to yourself that you're new in school and looking to make friends, then set yourself about doing so. Somewhere along the line you'll either develope an outgoing personality, get comfortable with the opposite sex, or die of embarrasement. You just have to decide what is important to you - being alone or being with someone. Somewhere along the line, you'll find the right one. But, it's not going to leap out at you most likely. That's where who you are really comes in to play a role. Just don't compromise principles and you'll be fine.

[cyborg]

I went to your website and you're CUTE! Too bad you're married :blushing:

[LurkerNoMore!]

Could you please talk to this guy?

[cyborg]

Gee thanks! I think I have enough diverse interests to carry on a conversation with almost anyone. Perhaps the Dukes of Hazzard thing scares people away!

[brbethke]

Thanks, hon. But even if I wasn't married -- make that happily married and hopelessly monogamous -- I'm also old enough to be your father.

(I really need to update that web site, or at least finish fixing all the broken links.)

[brbethke]

Perhaps the Dukes of Hazzard thing scares people away!

No, it's the Honda Rebel. Now if you owned an 883 Sportster...

[speedy]

No, the Dukes will only attract them. And Beavis and Butthead? Personally I find them HILARIOUS (and does anyone re-run them BTW?) but you're the first woman I've ever heard of who likes them -- geez, your value just keeps going up -- and the Italian/West Indian combination -- so exotic. Yet a nurse -- how practical -- see, that's everything. Cyborg, it is going to be raining men. And not Van Dreesen types, either!! Cheerio.

[cyborg]

I missed the Sportster by a few thousand dollars...lol

[cyborg]

Thanks for the ego boost! Currently my frame is under construction with the Atkins diet and weight lifting, another one of my projects to improve my chances of getting married.

Beavis and Butthead... I laughed myself tears and stitches. I was obsessed with that show till MTV took it off. Glad they got the DVD set!

[brbethke]

Keep dreaming. And g'night from the central time zone.

[isthisnickcool]

weight lifting

That's how I met my first wife (may she rest in peace). At a health club.

[speedy]

You have so much going for you and are on the right track. And what I wouldn't give right now to see those two guys sitting on the curb in front of the Maxi-Mart, eating their nachos (nachos rule) and getting beat up by Todd. And good night from midtown Manhattan.

[LurkerNoMore!]

Feign confidence.

If that fails, feng shui.

[CounterCounterCulture]

Every friggin one is either taken or not interested.

Story of my life. ****ing sucks.

I have no advice. If I did, I wouldn't be stuck in my situation.

[rwfromkansas]

I am 19 and posted a thread earlier this year about this very issue, though more about just trying to build friendships in general (though it included relationships with girls.....I am the guy that everybody says "I just want to be friends" to...lol).

Anyway, here is the link. Perhaps something will be there to help you: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/834203/posts

In my slow journey.....which has only started....of trying to get out of my shell so to speak, I have found that it really helps to come up with things to talk about ahead of time. I have such a difficult time thinking of things to say, but thinking about things ahead of time helps greatly.

In relationships specifically with girls, try that...it helps. I went on a date with a girl last semester and it did not go really well; it felt like an interrogation. But, a couple weeks ago we went out as friends to Pizza Hut and it went well; we really had a good time....partly because she is shy so it was good that I came prepared with things to talk about and she told me she really enjoyed the time.

Anyway, there is NOTHING wrong with you. It seems that girls "just want to be friends" unless you can give them something "boyfriend-like." It seems that the guys who get the girls have a kind of allure that "just friends" guys don't....they have something, but I can't quite define what it is.

It could be that if you are looking for a serious type of relationship, not just a casual bf/gf, that many are not looking for that yet. But then again, you are 20, so I am not sure of that.

All I can say is try to observe the guys that have gf's and see what they have (of course, don't try to become anything bad about them). If I can think of anything better, I will try to help you. But, I am socially inept myself, so it will be the blind leading the blind so to speak. But, I am LEARNING.

The other day, a roommate had some friends who were girls in our room and they kept hounding me about why I didn't have a gf (that was the first question they asked me pretty much, which took me aback). But anyway, my roommate said they told him about a girl that I would supposedly be a good match with; they were talking to him about trying to get me on a date with this girl (not that I am complaining; I have seen her and she is drop dead gorgeous). Some girls try to help it appears, though hopefully you will find someone that won't try to set you up and stuff like that, just give you hints on what girls look for in real relationships....and why the good girls refuse to date the nice guys.......that is a biggie that might help you out if a girl will tell you.

If I can think of anything more specific or personal, I will Freepmail you.

[rwfromkansas]

Thanks for the e-mail.

[rwfromkansas]

The girls at my college are a bunch of right wing radicals for the most part, so that is not true everywhere.

[rwfromkansas]

I will add some advice that was given to me in my thread: WORK ON BEING GOOD FRIENDS WITH A GIRL FIRST. In some cases, you can just jump into relationships and have them last a long time, but other times, your personality requires friendship first.

[rwfromkansas]

I have heard elsewhere that it is since girls want "mystery," so they go for the crazy types that are rather wild, who in turn, are the types that treat them badly.

I love the folks I sit with at the lunch table. The other day, one of the girls there threw a huge fit about how stupid girls are; I enjoyedit quite immensely....:) She is the epitome of an anti-feminist.