Posted on 12/15/2002 4:43:16 PM PST by NoRepublicrats
http://www.karendecoster.com/archives/Satire/gothic_look.html
Los Angeles, California - A new study by the Institute for Womens’ Clothing (IWC) has shown that the Gothic look is no longer fashionable outside of Goth parties and private Freak Shows. This intensive study pertained mostly to women who were not necessarily of the Gothic lifestyle, yet exercised “the look” in public.
The IWC’s “Why Ya Wearin’ That?” study attempted to find out how and why the drab, black-Gothic look became an everyday norm outside of rave parties and Addams Family conventions -- for nearly one-twentieth of one-percent of the female population. It also zeroed in on personality habits to determine the normalcy and capabilities of those who implement this peculiar look on a daily basis.
The Study was funded to some extent by the National Association for Female Insecurity (NAFI), with the other proceeds coming from the Elvira-Vampirella Association (EVA).
The highly-analytic IWC report focused on personality and workplace disorders associated with women in black. For instance, women that wear tight leotard shirts, black, hip-hugger bell bottoms, and ink vat hair to work typically exhibit 30% less production in the workplace than the non-gothics. Also, repetitive hair dying was found to be heavily linked to high levels of insecurity, vanity, and nihilism, as well as various misanthropies.
According to the study details, women who:
* painted their nails feminine colors like pink, light blue, or cream-color, typically showed lower levels of insecurity
* wore skirts and dresses received more whistles from male co-workers in the hallway
* shunned the leotard look outside of the gym were found to have scored higher on their SAT exam in high school
* had some “color” in their face were deemed “more friendly"
* refused to kowtow to the black, 1970s hip-hugger look were more sought after for project work by upper management
* refused to wear disco-like, black platforms were not attracted to the darker side of life
From the other perspective, women who still dye their hair and refuse to cut its length by their forties or fifties are known to be whispered about behind their backs. Typical comments are “witchy”, “haggish”, “not growing old gracefully”, and “ineffectual.”
Indeed ladies, the truly female look is in while the vampire appearance is outmoded. IWC executives were shocked by this startling conclusion, and its spokesperson, Libra Hiphugger, has vowed to distribute all of her ultra-tight, black, or otherwise Gothic-looking clothes to various charity outlets as likely Halloween party garb.
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