Don't Put Tinsel on My Pumpkin

National Committee for Only One Holiday At a Time | Today | NCOOHAT

[TBP]

WASHINGTON, October 25 – The National Committee for Only One Holiday at a Time is issuing a formal protest of the overlap of holidays in our culture. Tonight, our local shopping center was putting up Christmas decorations, a few days before Halloween. "The overrunning of holidays, one into the other, robs each of these wonderful occasions of its cultural identity and uniqueness and its meaning," said Timothy Phares, President of the committee. "This is confusing our children, who are being confused enough by the educational and cultural structure," he added. "For the children, we need to step back and observe only one holiday at a time."

"This is artificially raising the expectations of already overstimulated children," Phares said. "Pretty soon they will be expecting to get candy canes in their Halloween bags and will be crushed when they don't. This causes anguish for the children and their already overworked parents," he said. "If we start Christmas any earlier, those street-corner Santas are going to get really overheated in those Santa suits in August. Have you ever seen a short-sleeved Santa outfit?"

"Most people in our society today are overwhelmed," Phares said. "Must we overwhelm them with holidays on top of holidays, too? We're getting Christmas in September and October, Valentine's Day before New Year's Day, and a progression of displaced holiday symbols."

"I keep having dreams of pilgrims with pumpkin heads wearing Santa hats and turkeys pulling sleighs loaded with bags of Easter eggs," he said.

"Now, I love Christmas," Phares said. "I don't know anyone who loves Christmas like I do, but enough is enough. "Goodness knows, I love Christmas as least as much as the Kensington City Council," he said. "But how can I give Christmas my attention when I'm trying to do Halloween at the same time? Am I supposed to light my jack-o-lantern with a menorah?"

"Don't put tinsel on my pumpkin," he said.

[Txslady]

lol... Protest! Only buy items 15 day's before the holiday

[BradyLS]

Excellent idea!

Before long, traditional holidays will be dispensed with and be replaced with a 4-day Holiday that starts on the third Friday of each month called simply, "Gimme." Stores will host their own, say, Gimme For March with a picture of St. Patrick with his hands filled with sale items to promote the occasion.

Mothers will badger their bachelor sons with cries of "When'r'ya comin' t' see me on Gimme?" Children will harrass their grandparents with peals of "Whadja bringme for Gimme?" Girlfriends will chastise their boyfriends with subtle hints of "don't gimme whatcha gave me last Gimme." Lost-weekend stories will start with "Damn! D'ja 'member what we did for the Gimme Weekend in July, 2004?

Whaddaya doin' THIS Gimme?

[TBP]

We can have a separate color for Gimme each month. March can be green, and you're supposed to "gimme" green things. November can be brown. December can be red and green, etc.