It gives me hope. I am not 20 anymore. 
Posted on 10/22/2002 1:59:36 PM PDT by Melas
What gives with single freepers and marriage? I've never, ever, ever, thought of myself as the slightest bit old fasioned, but now I'm starting to wonder.
I'm going to try to consolidate several points, floating around in several related threads and respond. Things that I just don't get.
1) If you marry a woman she might not stay slim and beautiful. Yeah, so what. Age happens. Not only does it happen, but it happens to both partners in a marriage. I find it hard to believe that here on freep there is a contingent of men who would not only contemplate leaving a woman for gaining weight over the years, but who are willing to brag about it. I would still love my wife if she were disfigured in an industrial accident. I guess I'm silly that way.
2) Every man, no matter how old deserves a 20 year old "babe". Does something this shallow even require further exposition?
3) A woman might leave you and take half your stuff. This is probably the only semi-valid point I've seen. However, nothing in life, absolutely nothing is without risks. If you ride horses you might break your neck. If you buy a Ferrari you might hit a tree at speed. If you drop your wallet in San Francisco you might have to kick it to San Jose before you bend over to pick it up. If you love someone you might get your heart broken. Grow up, life is full of risks.
4) Why buy the cow when the milk is free? A concept that totally belies any genuine feelings between a man and a women. I married my wife because I loved her, and wanted to keep waking up next to her.
Sex is only a part of marriage. Sex is cheap and readily available, and has always been readily available through my adult life. Call it maturity, idealistic, or even sentimental, but there has to be something more to male/female relationships besides sex.
5)No sane man would marry a woman with children. Call me nuts, call me liberal, call me a step-father. Eleven years later, marrying the woman that I call my wife is still the single best decision I ever made.
I think I'll stop here and address other points as they come up. In conclusion, and I know this going to sound like it's straight out of the liberal playbook, so forgive me, but it needs to be said: Some you see women as objects at best, enemies at worst. Not only do I find that to be incredibly sad, but as the father of a soon to be 9 year old girl, it worries me as well.
It gives me hope. I am not 20 anymore.
Speak for yourself, not men in general. As a man, I certainly don't want to be lumped in with that mess.
Might be true as a whole, might not be. I know many men who make less than their wives.
You might be right, were I dating women interested in settling down. I'm not. I make clear that I would rather lose a testicle than get married, and still have no shortage of dates.
I'm the guy that women sew their wild oats with before finding some nice stable (boring or just safe) guy to marry. I've been told this a number of times. It really just depends on the woman. Some girls just wanna have fun.....
Well as someone too young to feel any true affinity with the boomers, and too old to really be an Xer, I agree with you. That's no way to live. Been there done that, got the divorce.
Things are much better now. Thursday, like most Thursdays from Oct to Feb, I'll be playing pool. I'll probably close the bar down, grab something to eat on the way home and crawl in bed with my wife around 3am. She won't loose a wink waiting up for me, or worrying. She doesn't have to. Early November she'll be out of town for a yearly 3 day seminar. I won't lose a wink wondering what she's up to. I don't have to. This year I might not even need Tums for the days she'll actually be on the plane to and fro. Needless to say last year I was sweating bullets every moment I knew she was in the air.
My mother loves me.
So how does one sew their wild oats? I would like to see this trick.
Congrats for moving on. You've learned a valuable lesson, and made the best of a bad situation. But I can't help wondering...what happened to her? Is she still on the circuit, hoping surgery and Botox can keep the folded notes coming?
It's hilarious what happens to many baseball players once they retire and become coaches or managers and strippers/porn stars/hookers when they hang their g-strings up. Within years, they are transformed from lean-bodied gods/goddesses to human-Zeppelin hybrids.
Exhibits A and B: Lou Piniella and Xaviera Hollander. Hoooooly cow, and I do mean cow!
I didn't particularly appreciate your image of apples and oranges and fruitflies, myself --I guess you don't like the image of horndogging jailbait?
You might consider some cause and effect. You profess to like women, but contempt for them oozed from your post, from the decaying fruit cocktail to the suggestion that all or most women are of loose morals. You also manage to congratulate yourself for a wide appeal...
Has it occured to you, that just as you can by intuition figure out which women make themselves *available*, that a woman who has lots going for her--looks, wit, ambition, fun, *good sense*-- can also instantly figure out which men are totally unsuitable, are cruel and soulless creeps? You may think all you can find in womankind (in the bars, I guess) are common dingaling trulls and desperate married sluts on the make, but it could be that some excellent (and less diseased) prospects manage to clear out before you arrive. Could be you're just getting the leftovers. And it *could* be that a certain Lothario is just plain terrified of Sunday School types.
I married young, and now I get to worry about my daughter. I hope to impart on her the skill of the Guy to Avoid before he even steps across the threshold at the party. I managed to do so--but it was all in the intuition... A positive example is invaluable, but no guarantee. I can say, "Look at Dad, and find one like him." But, boy, that's going to be hard in this day and age. I don't want her miserable and made *use* of in some unrefrigerated fruit salad somewhere.
Someday, when you have a bright, lovely young daughter you've nutured and protected, and I hope you get to enjoy such a blessing and torment, I'd love for you to return and reread your post above. No sisters? No platonic women friends with a little class? You need a wider perspective.
The story--Hal is an unappealing (and plump!) man who would never notice any unbeautiful woman. Through a contrivance he is forced to see only Inner Beauty, and falls for a woman beautiful only on the inside. Gwynneth Paltrow is exquisite here, and I wonder if she drew for her portrayal on the problem that pretty women have--they wonder if their looks are the only reason that they are valued at all, and become obsessive about maintaining that only claim to worth.
Later Hal loses the "spell" that made his attraction for a really great woman possible...and is anguished by the struggle against his own "eyes." He truly loves, but now has an ugly obstacle...
Really good stuff.
Oh, brother.....
Your generalizations and inability to see the context in my comments says much more about you than me. I think you have issues.
Good luck with that, dear.
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