Single Freepers and Marrage (Vanity)

Well, that's my two-cents. Probably worth every penny.

Wouldn't you know it. My first and only vanity and I spell marriage wrong in the subject.

Ping

If this ping is a breach of etiquette, please let me know.

Every man, no matter how old deserves a 20 year old "babe".

Yeah, baby.

I can't imagine why you included me in your ping list, but I'm flattered just the same. I think marriage is a wonderful institution, if you go in for that sort of thing.

If I remember correctly, you posted a defense of marriage in one of the threads I was responding to that I liked, so decided to ping you to this one.

It is never a breach of ettiquette to speak the truth. Thank you for the post.

You can misspell Marriage, I can misspell etiquette.

Thank you. In fairness I should point out that I let my wife read this, and she was quick to point out that at the time she met me, I was probably every bit as shallow as those posts I paraphrased. Sigh...all the more reason to be glad I found her.

Deal on the spelling. As a friend of mine says, "If the software doesn't include spellchecking, the website deserves what it gets."

Yes, I did (and do) defend the institution. I also don't think it's for everybody. Some make it work quite well for them. Others are better advised to take up another hobby. :-)

It's a serious step in life and far too many go into it blind. Our divorce rate is now at 55%.

Hmmmmm... As a gen-Xer, I guess one of my biggest hangups is having somebody breathing down my neck about where I am all the time... "Honey, me and the boys played cards all night, there wasn't no hanky-panky, not a woman in sight!"

Call me independent, call me drunk, call me SINGLE... Perk of long distance relationship, haha...

"And that's your story and you're sticking to it?" :^)

The breathing down the neck thing is usually called worry. That he spent all night playing cards wasn't the issue. It was that he didn't call and let her know that he wasn't lying dead in a ditch somewhere. When you love someone worry is part of the deal.

They care so they pamper you when you don’t feel well, do things that you like to do even if it isn’t their favorite thing, check to make sure your car is in good working order and feed your cat when you have to go out of town. It also means that they worry when you don’t turn up when you were suppose to, nag you about eating right and working to long. That’s good and the bad of it and it has to be mutual.

Of course there is the other side which is the "clinging, looking over the shoulder, checking up on you" type. In that case, RUN! It's going to end badly.

a.cricket

I'm going to guess your post was aimed primarily for me, so I will address your points one by one. OK? Here goes;

1) If you marry a woman she might not stay slim and beautiful. Yeah, so what. Age happens. Not only does it happen, but it happens to both partners in a marriage. I find it hard to believe that here on freep there is a contingent of men who would not only contemplate leaving a woman for gaining weight over the years, but who are willing to brag about it. I would still love my wife if she were disfigured in an industrial accident. I guess I'm silly that way.

Unmarried women dont stay slim and beautiful either. Nor do unmarried men. Therefore, avoiding marriage in the first place keeps one from paying a financial and emotional penalty should one or the other slim down, and want to "plow other fields" so to speak. Nothing against love, but thats what FRIENDS are for. I love my friends, but that doesnt mean that I want to pay them, should I want ANOTHER friend.

2) Every man, no matter how old deserves a 20 year old "babe". Does something this shallow even require further exposition?

Men are programed to want the most fertile of females, which are the young ones. Not that every man deserves a 20 year old, but there is nothing shallow about what our testosterone prefers. Women of all ages are beautiful, no question. The fact is, even when your car gets a few thousand miles on it, it is harder to look at it the same way as right before you drove it off the lot.

Single mothers have many thousands of miles on them, over bad roads. The suspension will never be the same, never hold the road the way they did when the tires had no wear on them. Many have a few dings from fender benders, some are downright TOTALED.

I wont even go into women into their forties without children or marriage; but does the GMC Pacer come to mind? I wouldnt drive one of those off the lot either. Men will always have the best woman/car they can afford. Some men wont admit it, (meow) but that is the way it is. Women are not inanimate objects like cars, but cars dont want to share their feelings while the game is on.

3) A woman might leave you and take half your stuff. This is probably the only semi-valid point I've seen. However, nothing in life, absolutely nothing is without risks. If you ride horses you might break your neck. If you buy a Ferrari you might hit a tree at speed. If you drop your wallet in San Francisco you might have to kick it to San Jose before you bend over to pick it up. If you love someone you might get your heart broken. Grow up, life is full of risks.

Some risks are worth it, some are not. When there are plenty of women willing to have fun with men WITHOUT the societal contract, why take that risk at all? I dont know of anything that I want from a woman, that she cant give me outside of marriage. Now, if I wanted children (shudder), that would be different. The laws are not equitable when it comes to men and women and marriage, and even if a man wants children, his beloved can flush it without his knowledge anyway. Single men's value goes up over time, where a single woman's goes down. When I am 40, or even 50, I still have the option of marriage, so why give that up now?

Besides that, these days women cheat as much as men do. I've been propositioned by married women before, and in fairness, it has made me jaded. My career has given me the opportunity to see women at their worst. When it comes to sex, men and women are the SAME, though few women will admit it. I would only trust a woman as much as I would trust myself. That doesnt mean women are not wonderful, but even the sweetest apple starts rotting after a bite or two. Somedays you might want an orange. Maybe two...

4) Why buy the cow when the milk is free? A concept that totally belies any genuine feelings between a man and a women. I married my wife because I loved her, and wanted to keep waking up next to her.

Sex is only a part of marriage. Sex is cheap and readily available, and has always been readily available through my adult life. Call it maturity, idealistic, or even sentimental, but there has to be something more to male/female relationships besides sex.

Oh, there is. Talking. Endless talking. At least cars come with cup holders and an off switch.

5)No sane man would marry a woman with children. Call me nuts, call me liberal, call me a step-father. Eleven years later, marrying the woman that I call my wife is still the single best decision I ever made.

I hope it stays that way for you, really. The overwhelming odds are that it wont, and you will be on the hook, my friend. In some states, you could be held responsible for child support for children that are not your own. Did you know that? I wish you luck, and that you wont need it.

I think I'll stop here and address other points as they come up. In conclusion, and I know this going to sound like it's straight out of the liberal playbook, so forgive me, but it needs to be said: Some you see women as objects at best, enemies at worst. Not only do I find that to be incredibly sad, but as the father of a soon to be 9 year old girl, it worries me as well.

Women are the best thing on this earth. Even better than beer and German Chocolate Cake. I would never consider drinking only one beer, having only one piece of cake, and waking up to the same woman every day, unless she was the freakin' best one out there, period. I might even find her some day. The problem is, she might have a younger sister with bigger boobs.

What can you do?

PS. I dont spell that well with a beer in my hand. Sorry.

Call me independent, call me drunk, call me SINGLE... Perk of long distance relationship, haha...

I'm all that except the drunk part :)

I think marriage was a lot easier 40 - 50 years ago. If I get married, I want it to be permanent - and I see too much divorce today and far too many people not serious about it.

Oh, shudder, please stay far away from my daughter. Your's is about the most honest post from a narcissistic jerk I've ever read.

re:Men are programed to want the most fertile of females, which are the young ones.

I've noticed. So many straight males want little girls and the homosexuals want little boys. Make sure you check the driver's license twice, bub.

The bums will change their tunes when they have daughters...but I've been disgusted a time or two at FR males. I've engaged in much online quarrels, but I'm embarrassed when conservative men live up to the stereotypes that liberals insist is the profile of a rightward male.

Oh, so I am a child molester for liking 20 year olds? You have no fear of me or my kind going near your daughter. Especially, if she is as without humor and quick to call names as her mother.

Maybe someone should introduce you to the male species. I know that in this day and age, people may have forgotten what men are REALLY like when their female masters are not around threatening their incomes, but we are still here.

Last time I checked, 20 year old women were considered adults, so you might watch the criminal inference, dear.

If you marry a woman she might not stay slim and beautiful... [there are] men who would... leave a woman for gaining weight over the years...

If any of us men failed to make a living over the years, we wouldn't be suprised to find our marriages in crisis or us alone.

I'm going to guess your post was aimed primarily for me, so I will address your points one by one. OK? Here goes;

Not at all. You were just one of many. Actually, I wish it was just you. I could live with that. However, I see a trend here, and that disturbs me greatly.

Unmarried women dont stay slim and beautiful either. Nor do unmarried men. Therefore, avoiding marriage in the first place keeps one from paying a financial and emotional penalty should one or the other slim down, and want to "plow other fields" so to speak. Nothing against love, but thats what FRIENDS are for. I love my friends, but that doesnt mean that I want to pay them, should I want ANOTHER friend.

Emotional penalty? Sorry don't see it. I love my friends too, especially the ones that have been lifelong friends. I don't love them nearly as much as my wife, or my children though.

When it comes to sex, men and women are the SAME, though few women will admit it.

Ok, I agree with that. So what? Unless you're trying to say that all men are out cheating on their wives. I'm not. I sowed those wild oats years and years ago.

I hope it stays that way for you, really. The overwhelming odds are that it wont, and you will be on the hook, my friend. In some states, you could be held responsible for child support for children that are not your own. Did you know that? I wish you luck, and that you wont need it.

No need to wish me luck, I didn't need it. The 11 year old girl and 9 year old boy that greeted me at the door the night I picked my now wife up for our first date, are now 24 and 22. It's a done deal. Been there, raised the kids, got the t-shirt. Hell, somewhere we even found the time fool around enough to wind up with a boy who's now 10, and a girl who's on the brink of 9.

Now, I'll be honest. Lest I paint a rosey picture of marriage, my first marriage in my early 20's was a nightmare of proportions that only Milton could truly comprehend. As testament to my own stupidy, I'll tell you what I did. Being the visual, lustful sexual creature than I am, I married a stripper who rocked my world with an orgy of lust. Bad plan.

I learned two things from that. 1) lust was good, it was really good. 2), it was wasn't nearly enough. So I held out for a woman I lusted after, who I could talk to, who could talk to me (not the same thing), whom I could trust, who could trust me (nope not the same thing either), who's past was as checkered my own, and who wanted to move forward just as badly.

That's exactly what did, and are still doing. We moved forward. It'll be 12 years in June. We've gone from that late 20's early 30's stage of wanting something more than another party, to a decidedly happy couple on the cusp of middle age.

Now call me silly, but that's what I want for my children. It troubles me to no end that my little girl might innocently hook up with some guy who's just interested in her until he finds someone "with bigger boobs" who'll say yes in her stead.

Now I say innocently, because I can't for the life of me believe you're at all honest with women you see. Call it a hunch, but I've got a feeling you'd never get a 2nd date if you made it clear to whoever you were with that you'd dump her for her sister if you found the sister more arousing.

It's amazing how quickly a daughter will change your entire perspective on dating. Nothing in my life has effected such a profound change.