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The Guild 7-24-2002 Dog and Cat's Daily Diary
Posted on 07/24/2002 5:35:02 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 am - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining a piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was .....Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the aroma of some of their favorite foods. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
TOPICS: Society
KEYWORDS: michaeldobbs; theguild
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To: Endeavor
i tried a litter box with a lid but one of my cats was afraid to go in(i guess he's claustraphobic).
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Sweeties both - thanks for the tennis ball gumming shot. Good stuff C.
102
posted on
07/24/2002 6:05:13 PM PDT
by
lodwick
To: lodwick; Hillary's Lovely Legs
CNN news anchor Paula Zahn appears at a news conference in New York on Sept. 6, 2001. Zahn's lawyer filed a motion last week arguing that the
she shouldn't have to give a deposition in a lawsuit filed by her landscaper, partly because she's a celebrity. Memrie Lewis is suing Zahn and her husband, Robert Cohen, for failing to pay in full for extensive landscaping at the couple's Greenwich home, according to documents filed in Stamford Superior Court. Lewis' attorney, filed a motion Tuesday, July 23, 2002, objecting to Zahn's request for a protective order, arguing that her fame should not prevent her involvement in the deposition. (AP Photo/Diane Bondareff,file)
Well, la-dee-da! Don't we have a high opinion of ourselves?! Puuuuuhleeze!
To: BigWaveBetty
Paula does have a lovely set of choppers though. :-D
To: contessa machiaveli
Well, we all have our fears!
I tried that automatic cleaning litterbox and my two absolutely hated it - they were freaked out -- they'd sit outside the box and wait for the darned thing to make its "sweep" and with that, it made a special noise, which drove them nuts. They couldn't go for fear of being swept up by the all-seeing sweeper arm. So, we're back to regular litter and I'm the all seeing eye and sweeping arm.
To: Endeavor
isn't it amazing what we do for our animals??? is there anything more degrading than kneeling and scooping cat poo etc. from a litter box? my cats watch, laugh and say "what a sucker".
To: mountaineer
I was thinking today (yikes!), writing letters to networks and the companies who support them about looking into the Daschle's finances and the Mrs. lobbying. Perhaps we'd have better luck in writing to the DOJ and asking them to investigate.
Am I being too optimistic again?
To: BigWaveBetty
Hilarious. I know our lawnguyz have had to sue us to get their dinero.
Paula, great chicklets or no, best watch she doesn't morph into the TippyOne, or MarthaS.
The potential is there - but I think Paula does do much better with the diet program than our other dim/lib friends. Maybe the time on FoxNews was a blessing for her.
108
posted on
07/24/2002 7:00:21 PM PDT
by
lodwick
To: Timeout
Speaking of which, Donahue opened his show (Houston town hall mtg) with a woman insisting that the federal govt (you and me!) MUST bail out all the people who lost money in the market. Sheeeesh. Phil, of course, is nodding sympathetically. I'm so glad I missed that!
To: BigWaveBetty
Just what do dogs do on their day off?
To: contessa machiaveli; All
i tried a litter box with a lid but one of my cats was afraid to go in(i guess he's claustraphobic).I love everyones animal stories!
Our cats just love thier lid! I am not kidding, when my husband cleans out thier boxes they will lay under the lid on the floor like it's a house. Then they get ticked off when he puts it back on the litter box.
Our kitten, Lucky, is quite the mischief maker, too. She knows that if she gets caught in something she is not supposed to be in she will get in trouble, so she will bite something and run away with it. The other day I was dusting and she tried to grap the bag of Pledge wipes in her mouth and run with it. She got about 3 inches. It's hard not to laugh at her when you see a little kitten running with a bag of Pledge wipes in her mouth!
To: Endeavor
You have Freepmail
112
posted on
07/24/2002 8:52:23 PM PDT
by
Timeout
To: Timeout
To: mountaineer
..he was directed to the incontinence pants. Now that's funny!
114
posted on
07/25/2002 8:44:07 AM PDT
by
MaeWest
To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Looks like not being on the public dole has caused Gore's neck and chin to merge.Yep, neck, chin and chest.
115
posted on
07/25/2002 8:47:19 AM PDT
by
MaeWest
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