What? I can't smoke no more, Pontiff????
I'm gonna go grab some grub and mebbe some Killian's, I'll be back in a snatch, barkeep...
The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him.
I'm ready!!!
I can not believe the amount of money appliance places want for replacement parts. SHEESH.
How much could the racks for a dishwasher cost?????
Answer - damn near the price of a new diswasher.
Extra dry, shaken, not stirred, and ... since I am just a humble guy, your choice of gin. Except, don't make it Beefeater's. Beefeater's tastes like good gin flavored with Channel No. 5.
And, here are a couple of jokes for all.
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The class assignment
The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week.
Little Ben got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he began.
"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Krup, the teacher. "Is he all right now?"
"He must be," said little Ben. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
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The frog
A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you."
The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," said the psychic, "Next term--in her biology class."
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Clever Divorce
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
"Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares ... Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"
What? I can't smoke no more, Pontiff????
