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Weenie Roast
Phoenix Times ^ | May 24 2002 | AS TOLD TO PATTI EPLER

Posted on 05/24/2002 3:08:39 AM PDT by 2Trievers

Sometimes The Spike just wants to bang its pointy little head against a brick wall. The one at Phoenix's downtown Fire Station 1 will do nicely this time.

What's got The Spike in a lather this week is a recent federal court judgment against the City of Phoenix to settle what is really a locker-room prank that's blazed out of control. When the tab is finally paid, this incident could well cost the taxpayers close to half a million bucks.

The burning issue here involves a penis. Paul Klusman's penis, to be exact. Or so he thought.

In 1996 (yes, this case has actually been dragging on for six years) Klusman was an engineer at Fire Station 1. He'd been there since 1971 — that's 25 years — so The Spike is thinking he must have known the kinds of stunts that guys — especially guys in close quarters — are apt to carry out.

Some of the guys didn't like Klusman. The Spike figured this out from the crude cartoon someone drew of a guy with a large sexual organ. And, The Spike is forced to say for journalistic reasons: Get it? He's a big dick.

The Spike also gleaned a few facts from the two very thick volumes of legal files that this case has become. Klusman opines that the disgruntlement stems from his outspoken views about proposed overtime limits, or perhaps because he objected to the way a bid for new breathing apparatus was being handled.

Whatever. One day, Klusman found two drawings on top of his locker. They depicted a man with a very large penis. In one, the man, presumably a firefighter, was wearing a hat labeled "U1-A." That stands for "Utility Truck 1, A Shift."

Klusman's truck. Klusman's shift.

Two days later, two more drawings.

Klusman complained to his boss, then-Captain Pat Cantelme, as well as to Phoenix Fire Chief Alan Brunacini.

Cantelme told the guys to knock it off. And they did. Mostly.

The Spike needs to point out that the penis pictures appeared just as another beloved firefighter, deputy chief Hoot Gibson, was essentially being given the boot after 36 years for taking the whole locker-room prank thing a bit too far. Gibson's tastes ran mainly to wet willies, wedgies, knuckle rubs. At one point, he drew a circle on the ceiling above his chair and liked to tell people that was where a, we'll just say, hefty woman who worked upstairs might come crashing through one day. She complained to City Hall about that and other atrocities, including the fact that Gibson was paying unearned overtime to firefighter trainees. Shameless.

Klusman continued to rub some people the wrong way, and he eventually found two more "sexually explicit" drawings, as he called them, stuffed through the vents of his locker. These were done on a computer.

Klusman complained again. He gave the drawings — all six of them — to fire officials so they could be dusted for fingerprints.

And this time he added new offenses: Sometimes he'd come to work to find that someone had been smoking in his truck, even though they knew that he was a fervent anti-smoker. A few times he found his bedding gone. And someone kept taking his TV remote so he couldn't change channels without getting out of bed.

It was then that The Spike, sitting in the new Sandra Day O'Connor Federal Courthouse (it was early, so the coolers were working pretty well), came up with a possible headline for this story: Big Weenie.

In May 1997, about a year after the first drawings appeared, Klusman was transferred "for the good of the department" as well as himself. He ended up at Station 24 on the west side. But Klusman contended that, among other things, he was losing money because he wasn't getting as much overtime pay as he had at the downtown station.

In 1998, he filed a sexual harassment lawsuit, which strikes The Spike as unusual because the doodlers in this case obviously were not seeking sexual favors. They just didn't like him. Still, there is that provision about a hostile work environment. Klusman wanted back pay, lost wages, reinstatement to his old station, and compensation for pain, suffering and emotional distress.

Indeed, Klusman hired a psychologist who found the shenanigans caused an "adjustment disorder" that includes "depressed mood, irritability, inability to sleep, rumination and strained interpersonal relationships."

Rumination? If that means thinking too much, heck, The Spike has that. And The Spike is betting those personal relationships were strained well before someone stuffed some drawings into a locker.

Still, last month, federal Judge Thomas Zilly found in favor of Klusman and awarded him $30,000 for emotional distress, plus $2,500 for future medical costs.

The big zinger to taxpayers, however, could come through attorneys fees and court costs, which Zilly ordered the losers (that would be the City of Phoenix) to pay. Four years of legal wrangling isn't cheap. Klusman's attorney, Michael Pruitt of Mesa, has filed for nearly $200,000 in fees and costs.

The city hired an outside firm, Gaona Moore, to handle the defense. No one from the defense team returned The Spike's call, but The Spike is guessing their hourly rate is as high, if not higher (it is public money, after all).

Klusman still wants to go back to Station 1 (go figure), and Zilly has ordered the department to put him there when an opening comes up, despite the fact that (shocking) the perpetrators are still at large.

Now, The Spike doesn't condone bad behavior and, come on, guys, drawing penises is so junior high. But Klusman, hundreds of thousands of dollars over a cartoon?

Boys, if you're reading this, let's stop being boys. It's just too hard on the taxpayers' wallets.

Spike us! E-mail spiked@newtimes.com or call 602-229-8451.

phoenixnewtimes.com | originally published: May 23, 2002


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TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: firefightersprank; taxpayershosed
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1 posted on 05/24/2002 3:08:39 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: 2Trievers
There's an apocryphal story about a man who was insecure about his ability to impress a beautiful(but fairy tale DUMB) girlfriend. He found as long as he performed this ritual every night or two everything would be "alright". He'd wait till she was in the deepest sleep...then shake her and announce...WAKE UP WAKE UP the WORLDS ON FIRE, FIRE!!! Then he'd leap out of bed and relieve himself out the window...Then jump back in bed and cuddle her and say, everythings all right, Baby, I put the fire out...go back to sleep." The Seattle Police Dept. football team has a full back nicknamed "the rope". Some b@st@rds have all the luck...Uniform AND Industrial packaging...;-/ HMPH.
2 posted on 05/24/2002 3:28:59 AM PDT by sleavelessinseattle
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To: 2Trievers

3 posted on 05/24/2002 3:31:02 AM PDT by Inge_CAV
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To: sleavelessinseattle

What can I say ... &;-)
4 posted on 05/24/2002 4:40:31 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: Inge_CAV
Thanks for adding some class to this thread CAVster ... great photo~ &;-)
5 posted on 05/24/2002 4:41:22 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: 2Trievers
I'm just confused here.......wouldn't MOST men be glad if someone drew a picture of them as well endowed? lol
6 posted on 05/24/2002 5:51:52 AM PDT by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
If wishes were fishes! Tex ... haha &;-)
7 posted on 05/24/2002 6:07:48 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: 2Trievers
Ummmm, I believe the guy in your cartoon, is exhibiting a syphallitic drip....
8 posted on 05/24/2002 6:12:15 AM PDT by hobbes1
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To: hobbes1
One "minor" point ... this is not "my" cartoon ... "my" philosophy OTOH ... "if it's there, I will post it" ... I'll bet you think I make up these crazy stories don't you?
BTW, did we ever reschedule our lunch date? &;-)
9 posted on 05/24/2002 6:19:25 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: hobbes1
"Ummmm, I believe the guy in your cartoon, is exhibiting a syphallitic drip...."

Uh oh, he tried to put out a hazardous fire with the wrong hose..........

10 posted on 05/24/2002 6:55:27 AM PDT by Inge_CAV
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To: 2Trievers
Speaking of 'Minor" Points ....This could be new twist on the Old Baron and the Milkmaid Game... ; )
11 posted on 05/24/2002 7:00:27 AM PDT by hobbes1
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To: Inge_CAV
ROTFLMAO!
12 posted on 05/24/2002 7:00:41 AM PDT by hobbes1
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To: 2Trievers; WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
"If wishes were fishes! Tex ... haha &;-)"

We would all have bigger fish?? : )


13 posted on 05/24/2002 7:20:09 AM PDT by Inge_CAV
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To: Inge_CAV
Yep ... the REEL DEAL and all that! LOL &;-)
14 posted on 05/24/2002 7:40:24 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: hobbes1
I don't think I like all these insinuations Hobbster! LOL &;-)
15 posted on 05/24/2002 7:54:00 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: 2Trievers
NO insinuation....Just.....Food for thought ; )
16 posted on 05/24/2002 7:54:44 AM PDT by hobbes1
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To: Inge_CAV;2Trievers
Perhaps some would rather have a variety of fish......lol
17 posted on 05/24/2002 8:20:43 AM PDT by WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
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To: hobbes1
Wait! Are you my father? ... is that you Dad? ... Dad? &;-)
18 posted on 05/24/2002 8:20:43 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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To: 2Trievers
You've been a bad girl......
19 posted on 05/24/2002 8:25:58 AM PDT by hobbes1
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
Maybe CAV will show us some of his snake pics ... that is, pics of his snake ... oh darn ... he knows what I mean! &;-)
20 posted on 05/24/2002 8:27:05 AM PDT by 2Trievers
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